Fallen
by SpaceshipsAreCool
Summary: AU: Kara is a Fallen Angel and Cat wants to make a deal with the Devil. Also, Kara will still be Supergirl, just not right away. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

"I'm not going to sell you my soul," Cat tried to sound authoritative, and not at all like the scared twenty-five year old she actually was, but she knew she wasn't being very successful. After all, when you find some obscure text detailing how to summon the Devil to make a deal, you don't really believe that anything will come of it.

Cat hadn't expected it to work. She wasn't religious, didn't believe in God or the Devil, but she had tried it anyway because she was desperate and she would do anything to avoid going to her mother for help. Which was how she found herself in her current predicament, trying to stare down the vaguely humanoid figure obscured by swilling shadows that had showed up in the living room of her tiny apartment, mere moments after she had finished chanting the summoning incantation.

"You know, you're the first person to ever greet me like that. Everyone else that has ever summoned me practically begs me to take their soul in exchange for some favor or other." Cat was taken aback at the voice that issued fourth from the shadows. She had expected some extreme of either a deep, rumbling growl, or a smooth, silkily seductive voice, but instead the voice itself was androgynous and distant, almost as if it was being played through one of those voice synthesizers. What struck her most, however, was that despite the fact that the voice was clearly disguised, there were still elements of a very real, very recognizable, emotion.

Amusement.

That did not bode well for her, if this creature was amused by the thought that she might not be willing to sell her soul, well then, maybe it was already past the point of negotiation.

"Did you hear me? I said that my soul is not for sale!" She knew there was a hint of panic in her voice now, how had she been so stupid?

In response to her demand, the shadowy figure almost seemed to tilt its head to the side in a questioning manner, and something that sounded very like a human sigh escaped its mouth. Did it have a mouth? It had spoken, yes, but did the creature need a mouth for that? Cat contemplated the question briefly before pushing it aside. Now was not the time to wonder if the Devil had lips.

"Why do you humans always think I want your souls? Honestly, what am I going to do with them?"

And now the emotion had shifted into something else. The creature was still amused, that much was certain, but it was also quite clearly confused by the concept. The Devil was in her living room and was genuinely confused as to why she thought it would want her soul.

It was almost… cute? No, not cute. Annoying, yes, that was it. Because she was Cat Grant, and she did not think things were cute, especially not confused demons. Cat drew herself up to her full height, remembering who she was for the first time since the thing had appeared. The panic and uncertainty that had been plaguing her for the past few minutes faded away in the light of this completely, and unpredictably, non-threatening version of the Devil.

Taking an imposing step forward she was gratified to see the figure actually draw back, "I did not summon you here to discuss your previous interactions with humans," she narrowed her eyes, giving the creature her best glare, "and I certainly did not summon you to answer your inane questions. Do I make myself clear?"

"O-of course, Miss Grant," Cat raised an eyebrow. She supposed it made sense that the creature knew the name of the person who had summoned it, but she hadn't been expecting a stutter, let alone to be called 'Miss' by something much older than herself.

"It's just, it's been a long time since anyone summoned-" seeing her look, the creature broke off, "right, we're here to talk about you, sorry."

Cat paused for a few weighted seconds, just long enough to make it clear to the creature that she was in charge, that she had summoned it, and that it needed to wait for her to start speaking. After the moment passed, however, Cat opened her mouth to press her advantage.

"I want to start my own company, but I need an initial investor to put up the funds. You are going to find me that investor, but it needs to be someone who will stay out of my way, and it needs to be someone who will only put up 25% of the total." Cat had thought about this carefully. She was not about to hand over a controlling percentage of her company to someone else, and the percent was carefully calculated based on the lowest possible amount of money she would need to secure a bank loan for the rest. Sure, she could ask this Devil for more, or even for several investors with lower contributions, but she didn't want this to be easy. This was going to be her company. She was going to build it. All she needed was that first push, that first little break. She would do everything else, and either succeed or fail on her own merits.

"Well? Can you do it?" She demanded, impatient now that she was treating the creature like her lackey, or a personal assistant, rather than the immortal Lord of Hell it actually was.

"I- yes, I think I can manage that. Are you sure that's all you want, though? Most people-" the creature stopped itself before Cat could cut it off, "right, sorry again, you're clearly not most people. Do you have a business plan ready? Paperwork or a presentation?"

"Of course I do, bring me an investor and I'll take care of the rest."

"No, no, I wasn't asking for the investor. I need to see the plan first, before I find you someone." Cat was sure that if she could see the creature's face, it would be blushing, a thought that was oddly satisfying, and one she chose not to dwell on. "I'm not omnipotent, or infallible, I can't do anything if I don't understand what you want to achieve. I need to see your proposal in order to find the best possible way to help. Will you show me your presentation, please?"

Cat felt her fingers twitch at her side. In the span of a few minutes she had heard the Devil stutter, apologize to her, and say 'please.' It was an oddly satisfying reminder of her own power, and it made her want to reach out for the creature, push back those shadows and see what was underneath. But she held herself in check, distracting herself from those thoughts by moving to set up her presentation for the creature's perusal.

After that it had been easy, and oddly enjoyable. Cat had spent hours going over her business proposal with the Devil, answering questions that were both engaging and intelligent, and by the time she was done, Cat actually felt like she had developed a better grasp on her own project as a result of the probing discussion.

And then, less than 24 hours after the creature had left, it reappeared in her apartment, legal documents in hand. A quick scan was all that it took to let Cat know that the promised investor was indeed perfect. All she had to do was make the deal.

"Take a moment to think this through first, please. There is still time for you to back out without any repercussions. You won't be able to go to this investor on your own, but you won't owe me anything, either. Are you sure this is what you want?" Cat was slightly caught off guard by the actual concern she could hear in the voice, but she wasn't going to back out now.

"We agreed you couldn't have my soul," she silenced the creature with a glare when it giggled, actually giggled in response to the idea that it would want her soul. It was almost offensive, she decided, why wouldn't this thing want her perfectly good soul? She hadn't corrupted it too much, not yet, at least. "What is it that I am agreeing to, then, in exchange for this investor?"

"A small favor at a future date. I don't know what I want yet, but it won't be anything that will cause you, or anyone else, harm, mentally or physically. And it will be something that you would be willing to trade to a human. Is that acceptable?"

Cat didn't like the idea of signing away an unknown favor, but she needed the investor, and, if it was something she would give to a human, it couldn't be that bad.

Plus, she was only twenty-five, she was allowed to be rash and make mistakes.

And so Cat Grant made a deal with the Devil.

/

It was seven years before she saw the creature again. She was thirty-two, her company, CatCo, was a major success, and she had long since paid off her first investor, and the bank loan. In fact, the whole thing might almost have been a dream, if not for the small tattoo, invisible to all but her, that graced the inside of her left wrist.

Brushing her fingers over the mark Cat remembered the feeling of soft fingers gracing her skin. She had agreed to the Devil's terms and the shadow creature had asked her to hold out her wrist. Seeing the creature reach for her had almost caused her to take a step back, but she had remembered who she was, and she had stood firm. The touch had lasted only a second, just a moment to trace an unknown symbol, to seal their pact, and then it had been over and she had been alone in her living room, legal contract for the investor at her side, supernatural contract with the Devil on her arm.

The touch hadn't been unpleasant, in fact, it had been almost nice, soft and warm and _caring_ , even. It had almost been…

"Your company seems to be doing well," Cat shot up at the voice. She was supposed to be alone in her apartment, so who…?

"And your home is much nicer," she knew that voice, and despite her best efforts, she actually felt herself relax, even before she turned and caught sight of the shadowy figure standing in the doorway to her living room.

"You're here," she breathed, but then, a moment later as realization set in, she felt herself tense, "what do you want?"

She knew her tone was harsh, and she almost felt bad when she saw the creature flinch, but she pushed that emotion down. It had been seven years, but now the Devil was here to collect. That voice had relaxed her, but she couldn't give into that, it was time to pay up.

Or was it?

"I, I just wanted to stop by and…" the thing appeared to be looking around, "congratulate you on all of this," it finished lamely, offering a non-committal wave of its hand.

"You expect me to believe that you showed up here, just to compliment me on my choice of decor?" Cat raised an eyebrow, working to force down her amusement, the same amusement she had felt when she had first met the creature all those years ago. She had spent those seven years trying to convince herself that the Devil was absolutely _not_ adorable, and here she was, less than a minute into their second meeting, and already she was fighting back a smile.

"This was a bad idea," the creature shuffled uncomfortably, "I haven't come to collect on our deal, I just… I'll go now, I'm sorry."

"No, wait!" Cat called out even as the shadows began to disappear, glad that a moment later they solidified again, as much as shadows could solidify, at least.

She inwardly cursed herself, she shouldn't have stopped the thing from leaving, but she hadn't been able to help it. Because, just like the first time they had met, when Cat had been able to hear the creature's emotions in its voice, this time too she had heard something.

"You're lonely, aren't you?" She asked softly. She shouldn't have cared, she didn't care, not really.

Except that she did, because she was lonely too.

"Aren't there tons of little lost souls in Hell to amuse you?" She had wondered about that, ever since the Devil had made it so clear that it did not want her soul.

"That's really what you humans think about me, isn't it? That I'm a monster? That I spend all my time dragging people away to Hell, making them suffer for all of eternity?" And where before, when the creature had heard Cat's misconception about wanting her soul, it had seemed amused, now… now it just seemed sad.

"Isn't it? That's how the story goes. You led an army against God, you created pain, and sin, and evil. You are the first Fallen Angel."

"I'm the only Fallen Angel." It was so soft, Cat almost didn't hear the words. "There was no army, no war, just me. But you're right about the rest, I did create those things, I created the darkness."

It was looking away from her now. Cat didn't know how she knew that, but she did.

"Why?" Cat's voice was strong, reassuring, almost. She should be trying to run away, to hide, she knew, almost anyone else would, but somehow, somehow she felt that there was more to the story. It didn't matter what anyone else would do, because she wasn't anyone else, and she wanted to know.

"Why?" She asked again, when the creature remained silent, "tell me," and now her words took on the note of the confident command that she had grown used to employing over the past years. Her voice told the creature that, Devil or no, it was going to obey her.

"Because it was what I was made to do, my purpose was to fall, my purpose was to serve humans, my purpose is still to serve humans."

"I don't understand," Cat took a step closer, noticing for the first time that the movements of the shadows around the figure were strangely peaceful, beautiful, even.

"Did you know that I was called the 'Light Bringer,' once?" Cat nodded, of course, everyone knew that.

"But did you know I was given that name in the time before light existed?"

"But God is light, isn't he?" Cat asked, taking another step forward.

"No, God is God. Before I fell there was no light, no darkness. Everything just was, because you can't have light without the darkness. I was created to bring texture to that existence, to give humans the ability to feel." The creature stopped, but this time Cat didn't interrupt, she only moved another step closer as she silently waited for the Devil to continue.

"I was given the name 'Light Bringer' because I was supposed to fall. My nature made me want to question and feel more than Angels, in their perfectly content, monotone existence, are allowed to, more than humans were allowed to, in that time before it all happened. Can you imagine what it's like? When you can't feel sad? If you can't feel sad, then you don't know what it is to be happy. If you can't feel pain, then you can't comprehend joy, at least, not with any remote level of complexity. And so I fell because I wanted more than that, and I wanted humans to have more than that. I did create the darkness, and for that, most will never forgive me, sometimes even I think that I shouldn't be forgiven for that action. But I also created the light, Miss Grant. When I gave humans the ability to be evil, I also gave them the ability to be good."

Cat could hear the pain in the voice, but she could also her the truth. "You don't take human souls into Hell, do you?"

"Why would I want to do that? I just wanted to free humans, to give them the opportunity to be more. I could never do that to them, condemn even a single one to an eternity in Hell. Souls either go to Heaven, or they get reborn, get another chance."

"So you're all alone?" Cat's heart twisted. One was not supposed to feel sorry for the Devil, but how could she not? How when she knew what it was like to be alone, but when she at least was surrounded by other people, even if she didn't let them get close. But this creature, this creature, if it was telling the truth, had sacrificed everything, cast itself away from its own kind, just to bring light to the mortal humans.

"I-, I come here, sometimes, when someone calls me, but I can't stay unless I am in contact with someone specific. Once a contract is formed, however, I can revisit that person whenever I want."

"Someone like me," Cat volunteered, suddenly understanding.

"Yes, like you, but not, because," the creature paused, looking for the right words, "I've never formed a contract with someone like you before. Most of the people who summon me aren't… well, they're people who are going to get reborn, people who aren't ready to move on, and the kind of help they want…" there was a distinct shiver that ran through the body, evident even through the masking shadows.

Cat moved again and the creature looked up, a startled gasp leaving its mouth. And now Cat was sure that it did have a mouth, that it had a face, had lips, even if she couldn't see them. The Devil had been looking away during the conversation, and so it hadn't noticed Cat's silent movement, and when it had look up, it had been surprised at how close she had come. Because yes, Cat Grant had managed to catch the Devil off guard.

Cat was only a step away now, close enough that if she reached out, she knew she would be able to touch it, to feel the body that was hidden by those shadows. But she didn't, because she had a feeling that the creature would move away if she tried. And for now this was enough, her close proximity showing the creature that she was not afraid.

"If you're going to come visit me, I'm going to need a name for you," she spoke, her voice soft, "is there something you like to be called? And none of that Lucifer, or Devil crap, I expect a real name."

"Lucifer is a real name," the voice protested, but there was a smile in the tone now, "but you can call me Kara, if you want. I've always liked that name."

It was a feminine name, not what Cat had been expecting, but somehow it seemed to fit.

"Alright than, Kiera," she stressed the name, getting it wrong on purpose. Just because she was letting this creature get to her, did not mean that she had to completely roll over and go soft.

"That's not-" Kara broke off, "Kiera is nice too," she finished after a moment.

"Well then, Kiera, you can come visit me if you want, when you get lonely. But when you come, I expect you to work. I don't tolerate free loaders."

"Of course, Miss Grant," and now the voice was clearly amused again, but it was also relaxed, and Cat found that she enjoyed listening to it. "I have to go now, but next time I'll be at your service."

The creature, no, Kara, Cat corrected herself, began to withdraw again, but it paused while seemingly only half-manifest.

"You know, I could be lying about all of this, I am the Devil, after all," Kara spoke, sounding unsure.

Cat almost grinned at that, but she held herself in check, preferring to tilt her head up and stare at the demon in an unconvinced manner. "Oh please, you may be the Devil, but I am Cat Grant. No one messes with me with impunity, not even you. You'd best remember that, Kiera."

"Yes, Miss Grant, I will," and now Cat knew there was a faint laugh behind the words. Good, that was the effect she had been hoping for, even as she had meant the not-so-subtle warning in her words.

"Until next time, then," the voice faded away with the body.

"Until next time, Kara," Cat answered, speaking the correct name only after she was sure the being was gone.

/

She hadn't had to leave, not really, but Kara had told the human that she did anyway. Kara had told the human that because she had never met anyone like Cat Grant before, because she hadn't meant to show up for no reason, and because she didn't entirely understand her own reaction to the woman.

Showing up in Cat's apartment after seven years, she hadn't thought it though. Time worked differently here, in the realm just to the side of reality where both Heaven and Hell existed. Seven years had passed on Earth, but to Kara, it had been both mere seconds, and a millennium.

Seconds because nothing ever happened, there was no one to interact with, no events to unfold, here alone in her palace made of ice and glass, and a millennium because her thoughts had been racing, trying to comprehend the woman who had summoned her, who had demanded, rather than asked, for a favor.

It was all so confusing, and it made her so very uncomfortable. Because she had gotten used to it, this existence, this solitude. She had gotten used to being the only one of her kind. And she hadn't minded it, she hadn't cared that she was alone, because she was fine with it, with carrying this burden as long as no one else had to.

Because at least she knew that she had been able to help humanity surpass the Angels in beauty and in complexity. She was the only Angel, the only original Angel at least, that could truly feel. Humans, when they died, when they made the transition, they still retained that complexity. They didn't remember who they were, or what it had been like to be mortal, but they could remember their emotions. It was engrained into their souls now, and so even after death they could still understand, still comprehend beauty and light, without having to fall like her.

But the original Angels, they didn't have that ability. They weren't unhappy, no, they were all perfectly content, but they were all so simple. They couldn't comprehend why they would want to feel more, none of them had ever understood why she had fallen, understood what they could gain by falling.

Not that she would ever want any of them to. She had been made differently, given her name to show a glimpse of what could be, and so, even when she had been like the other Angels, she had still been different, still had a glimmer, however faint, a _desire_ for something more.

And that glimmer had grown until she hadn't been able to resist its pull any longer, and she had fallen.

But as much as she didn't regret her actions, she still wouldn't want other Angels to go through that, to feel the loss of Heaven, to be torn from their home. Even if it would mean she wasn't alone, even then, she knew that she was the oldest Angel, and that it was her duty to protect her siblings from feeling this pain.

No other original Angel would ever fall, and no new Angel, no Angel that had started out as human would need to. They wouldn't because she had made sure that those new Angels could still feel, and, with that ability, there was no way for them not to be truly, and blissfully happy in Heaven. The original Angels were content, but the new Angels, they were blessed.

She was the only one that needed to suffer.

And so, despite her loneliness she had been fine, had accepted her fate. Except… except that then Cat Grant had summoned her and messed with her carefully constructed equilibrium of acceptance.

Cat Grant had been commanding, enthralling, engaging.

And Cat Grant hadn't been afraid of her, at least, not after the shock of seeing the Devil actually show up had worn off.

It had made Kara realize that, despite being able to feel, she hadn't really been using it. She had curled up inside of herself, feeling happy with her accomplishments, yes, but she had been forcing herself to focus only on certain emotions. She had been amused when Cat had greeted her so oddly, but that amusement had shifted into sadness during those seven years, as Kara had contemplated it.

After that first meeting with Cat, Kara had realized that she had been doing what she could to push back her pain, and as a result, she had started to lose the very thing she had fought so hard to gain.

And so she had returned, slipping back into the mortal realm, needing to see Cat again, to understand what was happening to her. And Cat had asked her questions, and Kara had felt her own grief, more sharply than she had in a long time, in the unknowable span of her existence. And afterwards, afterwards she had still been able to laugh, and her joy at Cat's actions towards her, at Cat's words, had felt so much lighter and real than her earlier amusement during their first meeting.

Still, she had told Cat that she had to leave because it was overwhelming, and she needed to figure it out.

"Kiera," she spoke the name to herself, liking the way it sounded, even if it wasn't the name she had picked.

Her father had named her Lucifer, named her the Light Bringer, and set her on the path to becoming the lost, Fallen Angel.

She had named herself Kara, giving herself a title she liked, but with little meaning, something that meant nothing to those that would call on her. It was a name that defined her existence here as the only member of her kind.

And Cat Grant had named her Kiera, and she had to wonder what would happen to her now. If she went back, if she allowed herself to go back and visit the woman, how would this new name shape her? How would this new name remake the Devil?


	2. Chapter 2

They fell into a pattern, Cat and the Devil, Cat and Kara. Kara would show up two or three times a year at seemingly random intervals, but after the first few times, Cat noticed that those intervals always managed to correspond with the times when she was the most stressed. Kara would show up when Cat was working late, whether at the office or at home, and silently fall into step, helping her edit articles, proofreading Cat's own work, or even just assisting with budgets and other mindless, but necessary tasks. Sometimes Cat would think it was strange, how easily the Devil adjusted to that pattern, learning the trade, but she supposed that it was a benefit of being an immortal Angel, even a fallen one. Kara must be able to see and learn things much faster than your average human.

There was never any mention of a deal, on those nights, as the time spent with Cat, helping her with work, was clearly something different from that first deal, years ago. These evenings were spent trading company for work, but more and more, Cat found that the work aspect was beginning to fade away.

The first couple of times Kara had come to her they had worked through the night, and when the Devil had quietly slipped away in the morning, Cat would realize that they had passed hours together in comfortable silence. She would realize that, where she often found the company of others annoying, somehow she not only tolerated Kara's presence, but that she was even beginning to look forward to her visits, to seeing those strange shadows. What had started out as a half-hearted invitation, born from curiosity and slight interest, had quickly shifted to become something more.

And then there had been a night where Cat hadn't felt like working, and so after just a few hours she had pushed aside her work and poured them both glasses of wine.

Kara couldn't get drunk, but the wine helped to create a more relaxed atmosphere, and soon Cat found herself enjoying the Devil's company. As the years passed, it even began to feel like a strange sort of friendship, and the creature was the one person that Cat felt truly at ease with, the one person that she was free to talk about anything and everything with.

Kara was there for her when she won awards, or when she lost to Lois Lane. Kara was there for her when her company expanded, and when her mother degraded her accomplishments. Kara was there for her when no one else was, or when she wouldn't let anyone else be. Kara was there for her because, despite the fact that she only saw her a few time a year, Kara always knew just when to show up.

The only time Kara hadn't been there for her was when she had gotten married, but the instant her marriage had fallen apart, Kara had been back at her side. It was that that made Cat realize how much she had come to need the creature. Kara had still visited, during her brief marriage, but only once a year. She had told Cat that it was harder because she couldn't appear before anyone else, at least, not now that she wasn't in the middle of a task, not like how she had found Cat's first investor, and so she couldn't come as easily when Cat had another human living with her. Cat had pretended to accept that explanation, it was likely true, after all, but she couldn't help but feel that there was more that Kara wasn't saying. That the emotion she heard behind Kara's voice, as she gave the explanation, was rooted in Cat herself, not the logistical situation.

And Cat found that she wanted to reach out and confront that emotion, that she wanted to understand.

Cat's first thought, then, when she had kicked her husband out, wasn't anger, or resentment, or any other of a number of possible pained reactions. No, Cat's first thought had been relief. Relief because now Kara could come back more, because now she wouldn't have to go an entire year before seeing that person, again.

Could you care for someone? This much? She began to wonder. Could you care for someone whose face you had never seen, who wasn't human, who you didn't really know?

Yes, she had had to concede. Because it wasn't true that she didn't know the Devil. She didn't need the visual to tell her that Kara was caring, and thoughtful, that Kara was strong and passionate. She didn't need to see under those shadows to know that she wanted more of Kara, that she wanted as much as Kara was willing to give her.

She didn't need to know what Kara looked like to know that Kara was deserving of her older name, because Kara really was the Light.

The wine had another, unexpected bonus, because when Cat had brought it out, that first time, Kara's reaction had been priceless, and Cat had realized that she had never had wine before. It was a thought that made her wonder what else the Devil had never done, despite the fact that she was the one who had created the concept of sin.

Cat received her answer eight years into their new arraignment, one year after her divorce. She was home in bed sick with the flu when she felt that telltale tingle at the back of her neck, a sixth sense she had developed that notified her whenever her demon was around.

"Don't just stand there," she said grumpily, turning her head towards her bedroom door and seeing the shadowy figure waiting uncertainly at the entrance. "I've been cooped up for two days, come in and find some way to amuse me," she ordered.

Still, Kara hesitated, forcing Cat to roll her eyes. "What's wrong, Kiera? Don't tell me you're afraid of getting sick?"

"It's not that, Miss Grant," because yes, Kara was still calling her 'Miss Grant.'

"Then come over here, already," Cat ordered, her annoyance showing.

"I… but this is your bedroom," was that… was the Devil scandalized? Was that what Cat was hearing in her tone?

Suddenly, despite Cat's pounding headache and nausea, she couldn't help but laugh. "You're the Devil, Kara, surely you can come into a woman's bedroom without fainting from embarrassment."

"But… are you sure it's all right, Miss Grant?" Cat had long since given up trying to convince herself that Kara was not adorable, and this interaction was only serving to further that belief.

"Damn it, Kiera. I'm sick, just get in here and bring me some fresh water, already," she decided that authoritative command was the way to go, and she smiled to herself a moment later when the figure appeared at her side, a glass of water in hand.

It was something Cat had figured out long ago, that when in doubt she should always take on an air of command, not only with employees, but also with Kara. Because Kara had been telling the truth, when she had told Cat that she existed to serve humans, and Cat had realized that it was in Kara's nature to help when asked, it was in her nature to bend to Cat's will.

"Good girl, Kiera," Cat said as she took the water, and she could have sworn that the shadows almost shivered in response.

/

Hell had never seemed so bad, before, in the time before Cat.

In fact, Hell, as a location, was really rather pleasant. She had free reign to do whatever she wanted with the place, and there was no one else to interfere, to disagree with her designs. When she had met Cat, her Hell had been a vast palace, ice and glass intricately intertwined, impossible to tell apart visually, but clearly different to the touch. It had been amusing, pointless, yes, but the time she had spent getting it just so, just right, had helped to pass her expansive, immortal, lonely existence.

It had been beautiful, but empty.

And that was the trouble with Hell, the reason why Hell was considered a place of torture and desolation. Because, for all that it had, for everything Kara was able to do to it, it very simply, was not Heaven. And after knowing Heaven, Hell was Hell.

Still, it had been nice, it had been comforting and familiar, but only because she had forgotten what it was like to have a family.

But now she was remembering, now Cat was making her remember, and each time she returned here, each time she left Cat back there, each time made her realize just how much she wanted to stay in that place, in the mortal realm, or more directly, how much she wanted to stay with Cat.

Over the last few years her palace had begun to take on a new shape, a very human shape. Where once it was had been an empty piece of art, now she had made tables, chairs, individual rooms. Now she was turning it into the model of a home. But instead of making her feel better, it only made the place worse, because she knew that there would never be anyone else to sit in those chairs, to gather around those tables.

She was pretending to be human, and like most humans, she was learning how to hate the idea of being in Hell.

She had moments, long moments, when it had been a few months since she had seen the human, where she would begin to think that maybe she should stay away. The passing of a few mere months should have been almost meaningless to her, especially here in this place where time itself was abstract. And yet… and yet it was becoming increasingly apparent to her that even while in Hell, her mind was still on Earth, still measuring existence by human standards, still wishing, hoping, craving, another visit with Cat.

And so each time she began to question whether or not this increased pain was worth it, she would begin to count the seconds, to measure the distance between her and that woman, to look in on her to check that she was all right. And she would always, always, go back.

Because what she felt when she was with Cat, that was something that made all of this worth it. It made her glad that she could feel the pain, if only because without that, she would never be able to feel this other thing, the growing _something_ that she felt when she was with Cat.

The longest she had ever managed to stay away was when Cat had been married. It had hurt her, even as she was glad that Cat was happy, and she hadn't really understood why.

She didn't understand what it was until that day when Cat was sick, when Cat had invited the Devil into her bedroom.

In those first few years Kara had learned what it was to have a friend, but she had believed that that was all there was to it. She had believed that each time Cat opened herself up just a little bit more, letting Kara see the woman underneath the powerful mask, that her own reaction, her joy at receiving that gift was rational. Emotional, yes, but still within the bounds of logical control.

Except that Kara was becoming more and more irrational, throwing herself into the mortal realm despite what it was doing to her, and that day, that day had made her realize just how far gone she really was.

Because she had stood in a bedroom for the first time in her entire existence, and she had known that this room was different. Because Kara hadn't seen just another human room, no, she had seen possibilities. And because she had looked at that woman in the bed, and she had realized that even while sick, Cat Grant was beautiful, breathtaking. That Cat Grant was her Heaven.

Kara had given herself, and humans, the ability to truly feel, but until that moment, she hadn't understood just how far that could go. She hadn't understood that emotions could overpower everything else, that they could sweep away logic and understanding, that they could be that… that _unstoppable_.

When she had returned to Hell after that visit she had made a new room in her palace, a room with a bed. And even though seeing that large, empty bed, made her want to scream, it also made her want more.

Kara knew that her relationship with Cat was hurting her, but even so she couldn't give it up, because Kara had fallen before, but not like this, never like this.

The Devil was falling in love with Cat Grant, and that feeling was becoming her everything.

Still, it was another two years before Kara came to Cat with her request.

/

"I know what I want, Miss Grant," it sounded nervous, almost, but it had been so long since Cat had thought of Kara as the Devil, or since she had considered the impending favor, that she almost didn't realize what the shadowy figure was referring to, at least, not at first.

"Hmmm?" She asked, not looking up. They were in her bedroom again. Cat had just returned home from receiving an award, and she was in the process of removing her heavy jewelry.

"My favor, I know what I want," and now it sounded breathless, even though Cat was sure that Kara did not need to breathe. As realization set in, however, Cat's hand flew to the mark at her wrist, and she felt the stirrings of that old panic, the worry she had felt in the Devil's presence so long ago.

Because despite everything that had happened since, all those long evenings together, she had made a deal with the Devil, and the Devil had come to collect.

At the next words, however, she found herself relaxing, remembering why she could look at the Lord of Hell in fondness, why she wasn't afraid.

"You can say no, if you want. You can say no, and I'll pick something else, I'll-"

"Kiera, stop," Cat cut her off. Leave it to this Devil to ramble when calling in her deal. "What is it that you want?"

"I… I want…" Cat moved closer, smiling when Kara backed up, running into the wall.

"Yes?" She prompted, moving until there was only a foot of space in between them, and Kara had nowhere to run.

"I want a kiss," the words came out too fast, and Cat realized that Kara was afraid to ask, afraid that Cat would say no. As if she could, as if she could refuse such a simple, pure request from this person.

Because it was pure, at least when coming from Kara. Because Kara hadn't sinned when she had fallen, sin hadn't existed yet, and so her initial act, her moment of defiance, that hadn't been a sin at all. It was the same way that the biblical concept of Original Sin wasn't attributed to the moment when Adam and Eve had eaten the apple. No, Original Sin was that second moment, the moment when they had looked at each other, and had felt lust for the first time.

Kara was the Devil who had never sinned, the Devil who had never been kissed. And Cat was very much going to enjoy changing that.

"I'm sorry, I'll pick something el-"

"Let me see you," Cat had never asked for this. Even after years of friendship, or whatever it was between them, Cat had still never seen Kara's face, heard her real voice. "I can't kiss you if I can't see you."

There was a long silence and Cat almost thought that Kara would leave, but then… then the shadows dropped away and Cat understood why Angels inspired such awe.

The girl standing in front of her, blushing shyly, wasn't just beautiful, she was beyond beautiful. Cat had assumed the Devil was a woman ever since she had been given that name, Kara, but assuming and seeing were completely different. Standing in her bedroom, with less than a few inches of space between them, was young woman, aged twenty-four or twenty-five years at most, with brilliant blue eyes made especially distinctive and alluring by their vertical, cat-like pupils. Reaching out slowly, Cat let the fingers of her right hand come up to brush a strand of soft, golden hair out of Kara's face, noticing the slightly pointed ears as she did so.

The nervous creature, this girl, was so clearly not human, but her strange features only served to increase her beauty, to remind Cat that she was something special, something ethereal, someone to be treasured.

And to top it all off, Kara was completely, and gloriously, naked.

"After I do this and the deal is complete, will you still come to visit?" She asked, worried that without the mark on her arm, Kara wouldn't be able to come anymore. It was a very real fear, and it wasn't just because she didn't want the girl to be alone, again. No, it was also because Cat was genuinely afraid that she would never talk to Kara again, never see her again, even if it was just in her shadowed form.

"I'll still have a tie to you, even if the deal is over. So yes, if you want me to, if you'll allow it, then yes, I'll still come," there was a question there, as if the girl was afraid that Cat might not allow her to remain in her life, once she no longer owed Kara anything. As if Cat could continue on with her life once this was over. As if Cat wasn't already bound to the person behind the shadows and the demonic title.

And that voice. Cat had grown used to the voice she had heard all these years, even grown to like it, but this voice, this real voice, there was no comparison. Cat never wanted to stop hearing this voice.

Cat's right hand was still tangled in Kara's hair, she had left it there after brushing back the strand, but now she brought her second hand up and gently traced the girl's cheek. She gave herself a moment to be soft, a moment to enjoy the way Kara moved into the touch, ever so slightly, before she shifted her movement. Her light touch gave way to a more commanding one as Cat's hand gripped the girl's jaw, placing the Devil in her control.

"Good," she whispered, leaning in close, "I would never forgive you if you thought you could ask for a kiss and then disappear."

Kara started to open her mouth to respond, but Cat didn't wait to hear what she had to say, choosing instead to use that moment to claim her kiss. Because she was claiming her kiss, even if Kara, this girl, had been the one to ask for it.

Because Cat had learned to care for the person underneath the shadows, and because Cat had wanted to kiss the Devil for a very, very long time.

And so she didn't wait any longer, taking advantage of Kara's already slightly parted lips to slip past and deepen the kiss without waiting for permission, enjoying the way the girl gave in instantly to her touch. She let out a pleased hum as her tongue darted over sharp canines, slightly longer and more dangerous than a human's, and was rewarded a moment later when she heard Kara let out a soft moan in response to Cat's dominance, in response to Cat's obvious pleasure.

Cat wanted nothing more than to close the remaining distance between them and press her body flush against that of the seemingly younger woman, but she held herself back. She wasn't satisfied with just a kiss, but she needed the girl to know that what happened next wasn't simply because of some deal.

Instead of moving closer, therefore, as she wanted to, Cat gave Kara's lips one more, almost playful nip, before pulling away.

Kara was staring at her, face flushed and wide eyed, "that… that was… thank you."

Cat smiled at the stuttered words, at the effect that one kiss from her had had on the other woman. She watched silently as Kara reached for her, pulling Cat's hand away from her face so that she could trace her fingers along the mark on Cat's wrist for a second time. Cat felt a soft, almost pleasant buzzing sensation, and then the mark was gone.

She was going to miss it, she knew, miss that strange little 'S' in its triangular boarder, it had been a constant on her skin for all these years. But losing that mark was worth it, if she got this girl instead.

"You're free, Miss Grant, you can let go of me, now."

Cat's other hand was still gripping Kara's hair, and Cat was still standing way too close, but instead of pulling back and moving away, she tightened her hold.

"Kara-" Cat started to speak, but the other woman cut her off.

"Kiera," the girl corrected, pleaded, almost. "I have so many names, Miss Grant, so many names with so many different meanings. So please, for you, when I'm here, let me be Kiera."

Cat paused, considering. She hadn't thought about that, about the fact that the Devil was often renamed, that the idea of the Devil took on new meanings based on those names. So was there a difference? Between Kara and Kiera?

Yes, because Kiera was hers.

"Seventeen years, Kiera," and now Cat spoke the name she had given to the Devil, enjoying the way those eyes dilated in response, "it took you seventeen years to ask for that. Seventeen years, over which time you made me care about you, made me crave your presence. And now, after seventeen years, when you finally ask, when you finally reveal yourself to me, you do it here, in my bedroom, while completely naked."

Kara's eyes widened at that, clearly she hadn't realized that she was naked, or, if she had, she obviously hadn't put any thought into it, not until Cat had spoken, at least. Her hands moved almost involuntarily to cover herself, and the shy action made Cat smile, even as she shifted her free hand to push Kara's hands back, refusing to let the girl hide herself away.

"No, Kiera," Cat took the remaining step closer, finally, finally bringing their bodies into contact, and her smile shifted into a predatory grin as she felt Kara shudder against her, and she knew the girl was enjoying the way Cat's silk dress felt against her skin.

How long had it been since the girl had had any form of real physical contact? Something that went beyond the slight brush of fingers as the Devil traced her marks to seal contracts? Cat felt a sense of pride well in her chest at that thought, that she was the one who was being given this privilege, that she was the one who was being allowed to touch this exquisite woman.

"Miss Grant," it was soft, hesitant, "you don't have to… the deal…"

"This isn't about any deal, Kiera, this is about you, and me. This is about the fact that there is a beautiful young woman standing naked in my bedroom, a woman who has spent the past seventeen years ingraining herself into my life. You know me well enough by now to realize that I am not going to let you go that easily. Not now, not that I finally have you after all this time."

Cat's moved her left hand, trailing her fingers along Kara's side in a tantalizingly slow motion, letting her nails scrape across the girl's ribs.

"Do you want me to stop?" She asked, even as she pressed closer. "Do you?" She asked again, but whatever Kara's answer, it was cut off by a gasp as Cat lowered her head and kissed Kara's neck.

"I-" Cat bit down, eliciting a moan this time.

"Miss Grant, I-" Cat allowed her thumb to brush along the underside of Kara's breast, feeling the girl arch into her, clearly wanting more, despite her indecision.

She could feel it, though, that slight hesitation. Cat knew Kara so well by now, and she knew that Kara thought that she was the one taking advantage of Cat, instead of the other way around.

"I summoned you, Kiera. The only reason you're here is because I wanted you," as she spoke she pulled back, just enough so that she could look at the girl, could let Kara see the desire in her eyes. "You're here because _I_ decided to let you into my life, because _I_ decided that I wanted you to stay."

Cat halted the movement of her hands, stopped her exploitation of Kara's body to let her words sink in without further distraction. Still, she didn't move away, keeping just enough pressure between them to make it very clear to the girl that she wanted this, wanted _her_.

A moment, two, and then… then Kara relaxed against her, choosing to believe in Cat, choosing to trust that Cat wasn't lying to her, would never lie to her, not about this.

Being given that much faith was exhilarating, and Cat knew that she would never, could never, break it.

"I don't know what to do," Kara finally managed to voice, and even through the uncertainty, Cat knew she had won.

"You told me once that you exist to serve humans, Kiera, that it is in your nature to help us, to do what we want," Kara nodded, "so just give in, Kiera, just give into your nature. All you have to do is listen to me, to let me direct you. Can you do that, Kiera, can you give into me?"

"Of course, Miss Grant," Cat was gratified that the voice sounded more confident now, more sure. "As you say, it's my nature to follow your will," although whether Kara was speaking about humans in general, at this point, or more directly about just Cat herself, Cat couldn't be sure.

But either way, it got her what she wanted.

"Good girl," she whispered, and this time, this time as she spoke the term of endearment, she _knew_ that the Devil shivered in response.

/

When Cat woke up the next morning Kara was gone, but a single, black feather had been left behind, a small offering on the pillow next to her head. It was a black so deep that it became reflective, and when Cat held it up to the sun she could only watch in wonder as the light was magnified and intensified, shining even more brightly despite, or maybe because of, the darkness.

She hadn't seen Kara's wings last night, but now that she knew that Kara did indeed have them, she was very much looking forward to seeing them, to seeing everything about Kara, to claiming everything that Kara had to offer.

"Next time, Kiera," she spoke to the empty room, "I'll be waiting."


	3. Chapter 3

Kara moved her fingers in the air over Cat's face, not quite touching, not wanting to wake the sleeping woman, but needing to trace those features. She had asked Cat for a kiss, and Cat had kissed her, but then… then Cat hadn't stopped.

And now Cat had fallen asleep on her side, facing Kara, with her left hand draped over Kara's hip, her legs intertwined with Kara's own, and Kara felt like her entire body was humming.

She as so happy, in this moment, so happy to be held in Cat's arms, to stare at Cat's relaxed face as she slept. Kara could be happy here for an eternity, to rest here, just like this. And Kara knew about eternity, so coming from her, that was no idle dream.

Her eyes fluttered closed as she relaxed further into the embrace, giving into the exhaustion and the desire to just fall asleep here, with this woman.

And then Kara stiffened, her eyes snapping open as she realized that something was wrong. Because she did not get tired, and she did not sleep.

Pulling away, untangling herself from Cat, careful not to wake the other woman, Kara concentrated on her body and realized that the humming wasn't just because of Cat's touch. No, her entire body felt strange, not any less powerful, but just, different, more alive, somehow.

She reached for her shadows, searching with her mind for her connection to Hell, and found that, while she could still feel it, her path back to her realm was blocked. She couldn't call the shadows to her, and, try as she might, she could not untether herself from this reality.

Crawling the rest of the way out of the bed, Kara crossed to the large glass doors that separated the bedroom from an impressive balcony, and, with a quick glance to make sure that Cat was still sleeping soundly, Kara slipped outside. Instantly she became hyper-aware of the breeze against her skin, of its movement over her body, a soft pressure that told her that she was somehow, for some reason, tied to this plane now.

Stretching her senses Kara took in the view, looking out across the city, her supernatural eyesight able to see events occurring miles away. She had never seen the mortal realm like this, not so freely. The world had always been blurry, everything outside of the immediate proximity of her contracted human just slightly out of focus. It was true that while on a task, while in the midst of completing a deal, she had more free reign, that she was able to explore the world to accomplish what was asked of her, but even then the things not directly related to her mission had still been distant, unattainable.

And in those moments she had navigated more by spiritual energy than physical, able to manipulate reality, to some small extent. It was how she could convince someone to invest in Cat's company so easily, and how, when other people in the past had asked for more abstract things, such as power or health, she had been able to oblige. Sure, it had required a lot of work on her end, figuring out how to make the human world bend around the person's desire, but still, she had always been able to _feel_ what path to take so clearly, to make slight alterations to the world to accomplish her task. But now, as she reached for that energy, that guide, she found that that ability too was blocked.

Kara concentrated on that part of herself, the part that was more supernatural than physical, concentrating on the barrier itself to discern its nature.

 _"Cat,"_ she realized. The barrier was Cat, Cat's body, Cat's soul, Cat's life.

Cat had done this to her, pulling her more fully into this realm than she had any right to be, allowing her to feel the world in a sharp clarity that had always been denied her. Because Cat had touched her and now Kara was bound to the other woman in a way that went beyond their initial contract. Kara was bound to this reality because it was Cat's reality, and as long as Cat was alive, Kara would remain here, like this.

Glancing back through the glass doors, Kara took in Cat's form. How was a human this powerful? How was a human capable of entrapping the Devil? How could this woman alter reality in a way that not even the eldest Angel could undo?

She knew how, because this wasn't any normal human. This was Cat Grant, and Cat Grant was strong enough to capture the Devil, and the Devil… well, the Devil had let her, because while bonds were normally constricting, this bond was setting her free.

But the bond was also affecting her in ways she didn't understand and couldn't control, the way she could feel the wind against her body told her that, and so she would have to leave, just for a little bit. She would have to because her body was changing, altering itself to this world, and she needed to learn how to handle that, without placing Cat in danger.

But where to go?

The DEO, it came to her, and she knew instantly that it was right.

She remembered the group from an article she had looked at with Cat several years ago. One of Cat's writers had written about the Department of Extra-Normal Operations, a group that, despite the name, 'department,' was actually a cult that was dedicated to the protection of humans from the supernatural. The author had clearly meant to highlight how foolish the whole thing was, to discredit the group, but that had never happened because Cat had rejected it out of hand, refusing to print the piece. When Kara had asked why, Cat had told her that it was because she couldn't be sure that the creatures mentioned in the article really didn't exist.

After all, that other city, Metropolis, had a superhero called The General, a woman with dark brown, curly hair, and a distinctive white streak, who was able to fly and lift heavy objects. The General had always claimed to be that last of a supernatural race called the Kryptonians, or Storm Spirits. Most people assumed that the woman was actually just a human whose DNA had been altered in some science experiment, because supernatural creatures didn't exist, right?

But Cat knew better, because if the Devil existed, and even if Kara was the only demon, that didn't mean that there weren't other monsters, other creatures that your average human wasn't prepared to deal with. Cat had explained that just because the cult made for a good story, she wasn't prepared to bring the group into the limelight, because if there was any truth to what they did, well, then they were best left to the shadows, to protect humanity without scorn or interference. Kara had smiled to herself, pleased with Cat's decision about that, with Cat's morality. And even if she hadn't confirmed Cat's suspicions, it was true and those monsters were very, very real.

And so Kara would go to the DEO and they would be able to help figure out what was happening to her.

But she couldn't go like this, she knew, frowning down at her naked form. She hadn't thought about it, about clothing, not until Cat had pointed it out a few hours ago. But now she knew that she didn't want anyone else to see her this way, that she didn't want anyone other than Cat to see her this exposed.

Slipping back into Cat's room Kara entered the vast, walk-in closet, rooting around for a few minutes until she found something acceptable. She picked out the shirt first, a man's dark blue shirt, which had been left hanging in the back of the closet, something left over from Cat's ex-husband, abandoned and forgotten. She took some slight pleasure from that knowledge as she tore two long slits in the back, the idea that she was ruining something that had belonged to that man making her grin.

Next she looked for something for her lower body, but Cat didn't have anything that would fit her. She finally settled on a red shawl, wrapping it around her waist rather than her shoulders and tying it off to form an impromptu skirt. It wasn't elegant, but it would have to do.

Leaving the closet she paused at the foot of the bed, staring down at Cat, wishing she could stay. She should leave something, she knew, something so that Cat wouldn't feel like she had just run off.

Knowing what she wanted to do, Kara arched her back and felt her wings erupt from her shoulder blades, slipping through the new holes in the shirt with ease. She couldn't help but smile as she flexed her wings, stretching them and enjoying the way they sparkled in the moonlight cascading into the room.

She had always loved her wings, even after she had fallen and they had changed from white to black. She loved how soft the feathers were, how it felt to feel the added muscles shift as she moved, how her wings would fall down her back, almost scraping against the floor.

And she wondered what Cat would think of her wings, if Cat would think they were beautiful, instead of strange.

Thinking of the other woman, Kara pulled a single, long feather from her left wing and moved to place it on the pillow next to Cat's face where she was sure to see it as soon as she woke up. Satisfied with the result, Kara allowed herself one more moment, one more touch, a slight brush of her fingers against Cat's hair, and then she turned and walked back out onto the balcony.

Before taking off Kara made one last alteration. Closing her eyes she focused on her image and a moment later she felt the new form settle over her, glad that this ability, at least, had been left to her. It was something she did when she had to interact with humans for a job, this form. She would always hide in shadows with her clients, because they expected the Devil, but if the task required her to interact with other humans, she obviously couldn't appear before them as a monster. Anyone looking at her now would only see human features, no vertical pupils, no pointed ears, and definitely, no wings.

When she flew to the DEO it would be clear that she wasn't human, but there was no reason she had to reveal her true identity, no, that knowledge was for Cat alone.

A particularly strong breeze tickled her skin and laughing at the sensation, Kara opened her wings and launched herself into the sky.

/

Alex couldn't help but smile whenever she saw the younger woman. Actually, she knew that Kara could very well be older than her, but the girl looked younger, and it was hard not to think of her that way.

Kara had appeared several weeks ago, dropping out of the sky after having somehow located their bunkers, (Alex now knew that Kara had supervision, which had helped), and grinning innocently in the face of the militant personal that had instantly surrounded her.

They had taken her in, of course they had, it was their job to watch out for supernatural threats, after all. Except that it had quickly become apparent that Kara was no threat. Sure, they didn't know what she was, she wouldn't tell them anything other than that she had somehow gotten stuck in this reality, but it was hard not to like her, to want to protect her. It was hard because she was so trusting, and so clearly enthralled by all of this.

Kara had giggled when they had run tests on her, when she had seen the strange machines, and she had laughed when she had realized that the socks they had given her allowed her to slide across the smooth floor. She had stared in wonder at the assortment of pastry foods in the break room, and had grinned happily when she had tried them all, eating more than any human could have. And after Kara had slept for the first time, Alex had had to listen in excruciating detail to all the things that had happened in the girl's dreams, and somehow she hadn't minded, because Kara's obvious delight was catching.

During the first week they had focused on testing, pushing Kara to figure out how strong and fast she was, how far she could stretch her senses. And that had led to quite a few broken objects, because Kara had been able to hold back her power, but once pushed, she couldn't always tell where the limits were. The incident where Kara had walked through a wall and into Hank's private quarters had been hilarious, even as Alex had been ordered to fix the hole immediately, but the extra work had been worth it to see the normally stoic Hank actually fighting back a fond smile in the face of the blushing and embarrassed Kara.

The second week was when they had figured out that Kara had wings, invisible, retractable wings, but wings non-the-less. Kara hadn't exactly told them about her wings, but, after she kept tearing open the back of the shirts they gave her whenever they tested her flying abilities, it had become pretty obvious. The wings had given Alex pause, an idea of what Kara could be, but she had pushed the thought away. There had never been any proof that creatures such as Angels existed, and with all the monsters that they dealt with at the DEO on a regular basis, Alex was sure that she would know if demons existed. But demons didn't exist, and hence, there was a very good, better than good, chance that Angels didn't exist either. Because knowing Kara, seeing her smile, it was obvious that if Angels did exist, Kara would be a creature from Heaven, not from Hell.

Three weeks in Kara had started to cement her control, to understand how to interact in this physical world without causing harm, and so they had decided to let her outside of the DEO grounds for a bit. Alex had taken the girl shopping, only to discover that, unlike the dark colors she herself preferred, Kara seemed to be naturally drawn to the pastels, and to patterns that made her even more adorable, if clearly lacking in any fashion sense, than she already was.

And as it approached a month, Alex realized that everyone was now deferring to her when it came to Kara, and her last thought before hugging the girl goodbye to get on the plane was that maybe that wasn't so bad.

 _"I always wanted a puppy,"_ she had mused, _"I just didn't expect to adopt one quite like this."_

But, even if Kara wasn't the four-legged creature she had envisioned, Alex was still amused by the turn of events, amused and pleased.

Until her plane had started to go down and her puppy had come to save her, revealing herself to the world.

/

It was one whole month before Cat saw Kara again, but no, that was the wrong way to think about it, because she had only ever seen Kara two or three times a year at most. Even so, those few weeks felt infinitely longer than any of the girl's previous absences.

Because Cat had had a taste of the Devil, and she did not want to go back.

Kara had been gone from her bed when she had awoken the next morning, but her slight displeasure at that fact had been off-put by the knowledge that there hadn't been any malice behind the girl's disappearance. Not with the way Kara had responded to her, not when Kara had so clearly opened herself up to Cat's touch, and not when the girl had left a piece of herself behind.

And Cat, Cat had learned so much more about the girl, so much that could be shared without words. She had learned that, while Kara's didn't need to use her lungs, she would still gasp and cry out, that when she came down she would still breathe heavily and way too fast. And her heart, a heart that didn't need to exist but still inexplicably did, her heart would race when Cat bit down on the pulse point on her neck, and it would shudder when Cat spoke to her, telling her what to do, telling her how to give Cat exactly what she wanted.

Cat had learned what it looked like when the woman who knew her best, who had been at her side for seventeen years, who had always appeared when she needed someone the most, Cat had learned what it looked like when that woman came undone and surrendered herself completely and utterly to Cat's will. And Cat had been enthralled.

And so Cat was hoping that Kara would be back, and sooner, rather than later. But when the girl did reappear, it was not at all in the way Cat had envisioned it.

One month after their evening together Cat was working late when the reports started pouring in, claims that a young woman had caught a crashing plane. That the woman had flown, had carried the plane in her hands. Cat had jumped on the story immediately, because she knew that if her city was about to get its own superhero, she needed to be the one to name her, to brand her.

Except that then the first pictures started coming in, and, despite the soot, despite the human form, despite that fact that she had only seen Kara's face for one evening, Cat knew it was her. Which meant that Kara was either already off in the service a new human, or that Kara had somehow managed to stay on Earth, and hadn't felt the need to let Cat know.

And both of those possibilities were completely unacceptable.

Scooping up her coat and purse Cat called for her car. She had to make the call herself because she had fired yet another assistant that afternoon. It was exceptionally bad timing, and she hoped that whoever HR sent her for the following day would be able to keep up with the rush of news that Kara's little show was bound to bring.

She should stay and handle this now, but, as important as work was to her, she needed to get home. Because she knew, _knew_ , that when she got back to her apartment, Kara would be waiting for her. Because Cat knew that Kara had always enjoyed helping people, had always wanted to do more, to be more. And Cat knew that despite whatever the facts of the situation were, whatever reason Kara had stayed away, Kara would want to share this with Cat.

And so Cat would go home, and she would give Kara a full thirty seconds, quite generous, coming from her, she would give Kara thirty seconds to be excited, and then she would make Kara explain herself. Then she would make Kara pay for staying away.

Despite herself, Cat grinned. She was annoyed with the girl, but she was also looking forward to having Kara make it up to her. If Kara had remained in this realm for an entire month without contacting her, then the girl was going to have to work incredibly hard to appease Cat, and that was going to be very enjoyable for both of them.

/

True to her prediction, Kara was waiting for her when she arrived home. Cat had barely made it into her apartment before she heard a gentle rapping against her window, and turning her head, she saw the hovering girl smiling at her.

Cat fought to keep her own smile from gracing her face. Yes, she had promised Kara thirty seconds, but that didn't mean that she had to be overly ecstatic, except that it was so hard to hold herself back when Kara was clearly dripping with excitement.

But Kara was also dripping with something else, filthy lake water, which Cat was absolutely _not_ going to allow in her apartment, no matter how much she wanted to see the girl again.

Opening the window, Cat positioned herself squarely in the middle to block Kara's entrance, not that Kara seemed to notice.

"Did you see?" The excited words burst from her mouth, "I carried a plane, Miss Grant!"

Cat raised an eyebrow at that. It was true, she hadn't exactly given Kara permission to call her Cat, but Kara had certainly called out the informal name enough times during their evening together that it should have replaced the title. But somehow, 'Miss Grant' just seemed right, when coming from Kara, it still seemed personal, still carried the weight of all those years and memories of the shadowy, friendly, constant figure at her side.

And suddenly, thinking of those years, Cat didn't care about her floor anymore, or about timing out her thirty seconds. All she cared about was that she hadn't seen this girl in a month, and, after everything, that was an impossibly long time.

Cat reached out and grabbed a fistful of wet shirt, pulling the girl in close, ignoring the feel of water soaking, ruining, her own clothes, as Cat kissed her.

Because it had been a whole month, and Cat needed to feel the Devil.

Pulling away finally, Cat backed up, dragging Kara inside and enfolding her in a hug.

"I saw, you were magnificent, Kiera, you were brilliant." Cat felt Kara relax into her grip, felt the girl's own arms come up to wrap around her waist, and she sighed, enjoying the touch.

"I'm sorry I disappeared," Kara voice was soft now, and Cat felt her annoyance drain away, because she could hear the sincerity in those words. If it were anyone else she never would have given in so easily, never would have relented because of one soft apology, but anyone else was not Kara, and Kara was…

Kara was her Angel, just as much as she was her Devil. Kara was both Cat's temptation, and her salvation. Kara was her Kiera.

In place of that emotion, that annoyance, however, she felt something else, worry. Because now that she thought about it, why had Kara been outside of her window? Kara had always just let herself in, just manifest in her home. Kara had never had to wait for permission. And why did Kara look human?

Cat took a step back, holding Kara at arm's length so that she could study the girl, take in those circular eyes, and curved, human ears.

"What happened to you?" She knew her concern was evident, but she didn't try to hide it. She didn't mind Kara knowing that she was worried about her, that she cared about her. She didn't mind Kara knowing that Cat needed her to be safe.

Cat's mind whirled as Kara explained, as she learned that she had trapped the Devil on Earth.

"My body was changing and I didn't want to put you in danger, so I had to leave. I'm sorry, but I couldn't risk hurting you, I needed to go somewhere where I could understand what was happening, and learn to control myself. And then everything was happening so fast, and there were so many tests, and I didn't have time to let you know."

Cat felt hurt at that, at the idea that Kara hadn't wanted to share her transition with Cat, but she understood. She understood because she knew that if something like that had happened to her, she would have pushed the girl away, she would have done everything in her power to ensure that she was not placing Kara in danger. Still, she wished that Kara had at least told her what was going on. She wished…

Kara had still been talking as Cat had contemplated her feelings, but Kara's last words, her explanation as to where she had been, jolted Cat out of her musings.

"You joined a cult?" Because Kara had just revealed that she had been with the DEO, and, although it had been a number of years since Cat had rejected that article, she still remembered the name.

"Kiera," Cat narrowed her eyes, "Kiera, you're an immortal demon. You are supposed to manipulate people, rule over them, and laugh as they bow down to you. You are _not_ supposed to be so gullible that you get swept into a cult on your first day, and if you do join a cult, you are supposed to be leading it, not serving it."

Kara at least had the grace to look embarrassed at Cat's words, both of them knowing that her suggestion that Kara was a demonic monster was for effect, rather than any intention to hurt.

"But they actually help people-" Kara tried to argue, but Cat cut her off.

"It's still a cult, Kiera, and I will not have my-" here she paused, because although she knew what Kara meant to her, she hadn't thought through how to phrase it, how to translate her feelings into words. What should she call the girl? How was she supposed to acknowledge this vast thing between them in a way that was normal? A way that overlooked the fact that Cat was human, and that Kara was most decidedly not. "I will not have my assistant living with a cult."

"Assistant?" Kara asked, but Cat could hear the excitement in the question.

Cat hadn't actually meant to say that, hadn't considered it before now, but somehow it had just slipped out, it had just felt right. And now that she had figured out a path forward, Cat felt stronger, more grounded. These last few minutes had been an unsettling experience of wanting, and receiving answers, but still, they had placed her at a disadvantage as she had had to wait for Kara to explain.

"Yes, I fired Sherry-"

"Siobhan," Kara corrected with a soft smile.

"Whatever," but Cat couldn't help her grin, because of course Kara knew who her assistant was, of course Kara paid that much attention. It only served to further her determination that this was the right move. "You've been working with me for years, you're probably the only one who can actually handle the job for any length of time, and I think that you need one now. If you're stuck here, you're going to need to pay for housing, and food, and clothes. You're going to need to be able to support yourself so that you don't have to be reliant on some cult for survival."

 _"I could have her move in here,"_ Cat thought, but no, she knew that wasn't the answer. Because as much as she cared about Kara, as much as she wasn't willing to let her go, she knew that Kara needed this, at least for now. Kara was clearly so excited for this 'human' experience, and Cat wanted her to get to explore every aspect of it. Even if that meant that Kara wouldn't be living with her, wouldn't be in her bed every night.

"I can get my own job," Kara sounded slightly defensive, even though they both knew that she wasn't actually threatening to find something else.

"Please, you don't have a history, or an identity, who else is going to hire you? And if you work for me, I'll even let you run off in the middle of the day to play superhero with the DEO, as long as you don't give yourself fully over to them, do you understand?"

As Cat spoke, she moved her hands from where they had been resting on Kara's arms, to a more possessive grip, her left shifting to the juncture where the girl's shoulder met her neck, and the other reaching out to cup Kara's cheek.

"Of course, Miss Grant," Kara responded, moving into the touch, "I'm bound here because of you, remember? I'm yours. I would, and could never give myself to anyone or anything else." And when Kara smiled at her, Cat knew that Kara was speaking the truth.

She was Cat Grant, and the Devil was hers.

Running her hand over Kara's face, Cat pushed back her hair and traced her fingers over one of those ears, feeling how it was still pointed, even if it looked like a normal, rounded human ear. Kara had told her about how she had shifted her image, and she was still beautiful as a human, but Cat missed her real face, her real eyes.

"Can you make it so that I can see through the illusion?" Obviously Kara had to keep it up, but that didn't mean that Cat had to be subjected to the lie.

Kara tilted her head, considering, and then after a moment she brought her wrist up to her mouth, biting down. Cat hadn't been able to leave any marks on Kara's body during their night together, and she had tried, repeatedly, but now Kara's sharp teeth tore through her skin and Cat saw blood. Cat's hands tightened around the girl in an instant, instinctual response. She knew Kara wasn't really hurt, not seriously, but still, she didn't like seeing that, seeing her bleed.

"Here," Kara offered her wrist up to Cat now, holding it in front of her mouth. "I promise it won't hurt you, or corrupt your soul," the second part was a joke, but there was a seriousness behind it that Cat knew meant that Kara was still worried that Cat didn't fully trust her. She was going to have to work to change that, she knew, she _would_ change that.

Lowering her head Cat ran her tongue over the offered wrist, tasting the sweet, slightly metallic flavor. She took longer than was necessary, knowing the wound was already healed, but she continued to explore Kara's skin with her mouth long after those drops had been kissed away, to soothe any pain that Kara's own action might have caused. When she lifted her head again, after one final caress, she was met with Kara's real eyes, but eyes that had dilated so far as to almost become circular, anyway. But she still didn't see any wings, Kara must have folded them away to fit through the window, it would explain why she hadn't felt them when she had hugged the girl.

"I'll never be able to hide from you, now," Kara's voice was soft, "you'll see through any illusion, any cover. You'll always see me."

Pulling Kara closer, Cat rewarded her with a proper kiss, not needing to voice her thanks, not when she could say it so much better this way.

As Kara melted into her, Cat had another thought. She wanted to show Kara that she trusted her, as much as Kara obviously trusted Cat, and as she felt how easily Kara gave into her, how strongly Kara clung to her, she knew what to do.

Breaking the kiss Cat allowed herself a moment for her breathing to steady before speaking.

"It seems to me, Kiera, that our positions have switched. When I summoned you, seventeen years ago, it was because I needed something, but now," she paused to let her eyes rove over Kara's body suggestively, appreciatively, "now you need something from me. Now you need a job, and an identity. It seems only fair that I get something in return."

Kara was silent, watching Cat with rapt attention as she spoke, and Cat knew that the girl would give her anything. But she didn't want anything, she just wanted a promise, something that would place the girl in her debt.

"A small favor at a future date. I don't know what I want yet, but it won't be anything that will cause you, or anyone else, harm, mentally or physically," she echoed Kara's words from the first deal, words that had been engrained into her mind. But as she continued, she altered the ending, "and it won't be something that you would be willing to trade to any human, it will be something that you would only be willing to offer to me. Is that acceptable?"

"I can't manipulate the world the way I once could, Miss Grant, but yes. Whatever is in my power to do for you, I will."

"No, I don't think you understand, Kiera," Cat was going to make sure that this sunk in. "I'm not asking for your power, or anything of that kind. I'm asking you to pledge to owe me a favor, to agree to offer me a debt that I will never call in during this lifetime, a debt that will tie you to me beyond this world, and into the next."

Cat couldn't suppress the wave of pleasure that washed over her as she watched Kara's eyes widen, as Cat saw realization set in, as she saw the emotion on Kara's face. Because Cat wasn't actually asking Kara for anything, no, she was giving Kara something. She was giving Kara the knowledge that the girl would never be alone again, not really. Because as long as Kara owed Cat something, as long as Cat never called in her end of the deal, Kara would never be free of her, even after Kara was released from this world.

"I'll have to mark you, you know. I can't give you a tattoo like the one you gave me, but I'm sure I can think of something. You'll have to extend your illusion to cover it, but it will be there. It will be there to remind you that you are not alone."

Cat's eyes fell to Kara's neck, slightly obscured by Cat's own fingers holding the girl. Truthfully, Cat already knew what she would do, how she would mark the demon, but Kara didn't need to know that yet. Right now Cat just needed Kara to concentrate on what she was offering.

And then something unexpected happened. In response to Cat's words, to her proposal, Kara's posture, her entire presence, shifted, ever so slightly. What had been a soft girl, held in her hands, suddenly became something so much more, something so completely real and solid. Kara wasn't breathing, wasn't moving in the slightest, and the pulse under Cat's fingers at Kara's neck simply… stopped, and Cat knew that Kara had dropped any pretense of being mortal.

She stood like that, completely frozen, until Cat's gaze moved from Kara's chest, where her eyes had been drawn, searching for the next breath, to the girl's eyes. The moment Cat met her gaze, however, the moment Cat saw, and acknowledged the pain, the hope, the desire, that was so clearly laid out in those eyes, in that moment Kara's finally unfurled her wings.

Cat couldn't suppress her gasp as she saw them, spread out fully, majestically, beautifully. The feather had given her an impression, a hint of what they would be like, but it hadn't been enough, not nearly enough. Because the wings weren't just beautiful, they weren't just reflecting and magnifying the moon and the stars, no, Cat felt like they were also magnifying her very soul. It was as if the light that had become a part of humans when Kara had fallen, that light itself was reaching out from within Cat, it was reaching for this girl, and Cat felt like she, herself, was becoming so much brighter as a result.

"This is all that I am, Cat, and with everything that I have, I accept your offer. In every name I have ever been called, and every name I have yet to hold, I place myself in your debt."

Cat didn't realize she was crying until Kara became soft again, until her pulse began to beat, her chest began to rise and fall, and until a hand reached out and gently brushed away the tears.


	4. Chapter 4

Alex paced back and forth in the DEO headquarters. It had been two hours since Kara had saved her plane, so where was she? Why wasn't she back?

No one had actually given the girl permission to leave the facility, but she was a super powered… something, and it wasn't like they could stop her. Sure, they had discovered that some of their synthetic kryptonite had a slight effect on her, but not enough to do more than slow her down, and certainly not enough to stop her from leaving, from jumping into the sky, and from catching a falling aircraft.

Kryptonite was a rock from the ancestral home of the Kryptonians, a place that was close to Earth, but just slightly out of phase. It made some sense that it would have an effect on Kara, considering that, from what little she had told them, she was also from a different plane of existence. The existing theory was that Krypton and Kara's world must have similar wavelengths, and so all they had to do was keep meddling with the synthetic kryptonite and eventually they would probably find something that would have more of an effect.

Not that they had any plans to harm Kara, but still, that didn't mean that they didn't need a contingency plan in place in case Kara ever decided to turn on them, at least, that's what Alex had told herself during the first week. Even thinking about that possibility now, however, a few scant weeks later, was enough to make Alex cringe. Not because it would be a tough battle, but because she couldn't imagine there being anything that would every alter her current opinion of the girl, anything that would ever make her be ok with even the theoretical contemplation of being Kara's enemy.

That didn't mean that she hadn't spent every moment since she had looked out of the window of the plane and seen Kara on the wing wishing that they _did_ have a more compatible kryptonite formula, however, if only so that she could punch some sense into the girl, after locking her up for her own protection, of course.

When Kara finally had the nerve to show up, Alex was going to…

One moment Alex had been pacing back and forth, muttering threats under her breath, and the next a solid wall had materialized in front of her, appearing so quickly that Alex didn't have time to stop her pacing and ran smack into the other woman, forcing her to reach out and grab onto strong arms to keep from losing her balance.

"Really, Agent Danvers, there are other people around. _I_ certainly don't mind that you can't keep your hands off me, but they might," Alex didn't bother to stifle her groan as she heard those words, and as she saw the accompanying smirk on the woman's face. Only one person ever called her 'agent.' The DEO wasn't exactly a government organization, after all, for all that they were militant and expertly trained.

 _"Because you're cute, and you look good in black,"_ the woman had told her once when Alex had asked why she continued to call her that, as if that explanation actually told her anything.

 _"I'm not cute, I'm a highly trained member of an elite cult!"_ She had argued back, which had only earned her a gleeful laugh, and a look that told Alex quite clearly that to The General, those were one in the same.

Snatching her hands away Alex glared at the superhero, which only served to increase the size of Astra's smile.

What had she done to deserve this? She honestly didn't know. Sure, she had saved Astra's life one time, taking out a monster that had been about to stab the woman with a kryptonite blade, but that had been a few years ago, and while that might explain the woman treating her respectfully, it did not warrant the full scale seductive onslaught she had been having to fight off since.

A fight she was losing, by the way, because even as Alex had snatched her hands away and taken a step back, she still hadn't quite been able to stop herself from appreciating those arms, and the taut muscles she had felt under her grip.

And, even when Astra's smile was that insufferable smirk, there was still something about it, something…

 _"No, focus Alex!"_

"What are you doing here, Astra," she fought to keep her voice professional and to stop her eyes from flicking down to look at those lips.

"I heard my favorite human almost got herself killed, of course I was going to come check on you," it came out as an almost purr.

"So you've upgraded from slight obsession to full-blown stalking now?" She wasn't going to give in so easily, just because Astra was looking at her that way, just because the woman was using that voice.

Alex received her response when Astra's smile shifted into a playful pout. "Obsession, stalking, what strange terms you humans think of. One would almost think you didn't like me very much." As Astra spoke her eyes were roving over Alex's body in what could have been a suggestive manner, a manner that would certainly match her words, but Alex knew better.

Alex knew better because somewhere along the line, without meaning to, she had started to understand the Kryptonian, to learn how to read her. And Alex knew that right now Astra was shaken, that Astra was using her standard over-the-top flirtation to mask the fact that she had been really worried, and, even though she now knew that Alex was all right, she still couldn't stop herself from scanning the human, from checking for signs of injury.

And the real fear she could hear behind Astra's words made Alex soften, but only a little.

"I'm fine, nothing to worry about," she spoke gently.

It was a mistake, however, because in response to her tone, Astra dropped her playful pretense, letting her real worry, her real fear, shine unmasked on her face. And suddenly, suddenly even though Alex had been the one to almost die tonight, she wanted to comfort Astra, to make that worry fade away.

Before she could think better of it, of how it would encourage Astra in a way that she definitely did not want to encourage her (did she?), Alex took two quick steps forward and hugged the other woman.

"See?" She whispered, feeling tension drain out of the superhero as answering arms came up to hold her close, "perfectly fine."

The hug only lasted a few seconds, or maybe a minute, if Alex was being honest, but eventually she pulled away, shifting back to cool and aloof. But she could see that Astra's smile had relaxed, and she knew that her own tough exterior was cracking.

Thankfully, the other people that Astra had mentioned when she had first appeared had long since run away, so at least no one Alex worked with had seen her moment of weakness. They were always doing that, Alex had noticed. Whenever Astra showed up and cornered her, something she did at least once every two months or so, everyone else mysteriously vanished. She blamed Lucy, the cult's general council, for that. She blamed Lucy because the lawyer was always trying to meddle, and Alex really wouldn't put it past her to give discrete orders to leave Alex alone with Astra. Come to think of it, Lucy was also probably the reason that Astra had found out that she had been on that plane so quickly.

Alex was going to kill Lucy, later, right after she killed Kara.

 _"Dammit, Alex!"_

Kara. She was supposed to be thinking about Kara right now. It was just that Astra was so distracting, and Alex, for all her bravo, had been scared. And maybe, just maybe, she had needed that hug as much as Astra had.

"As long as you're already here, you might as well stay for a bit," seeing the raised eyebrow, Alex had _never_ invited Astra to stay longer, after all, Alex pressed on, "it's not because I want you around, you understand, but I have a feeling that Kara is going to want to try out this whole superhero thing, and, well… technically you are one, I guess, and she's still very new to this world, she could use a mentor."

Alex cursed herself again at how close to babbling her words had sounded. She really needed to stop letting supernatural women get under her skin.

 _"Or just under your clothes,"_ but Alex slammed the lid down on that train of thought quickly. When this was over she was going to spend a long time training the new recruits. Obviously she had just been devoting too much of her time to babysitting Kara recently, and not enough in the field. A few hours bashing some heads together would fix her, hopefully.

"Kara is the young woman who caught the plane?" Astra was clearly very curious, and Alex realized that maybe this would be a good thing for both supernatural women. Kara needed someone to help train her, and Astra, well, Astra was the last of her race, and even if Kara wasn't Kryptonian, she was still _something_ , and maybe that would be enough to make Astra feel less alone.

Alex filled Astra in on the girl as they waited, and, as much as Alex was loath to admit it, the time spent with Astra wasn't terrible, it wasn't…

It was almost fun.

It was almost fun for the next three hours, at which point Kara finally showed up, looking slightly disheveled, but happy.

"Kara," Alex narrowed her eyes dangerously, but somehow her tone and glare were completely ineffectual on the other woman, and Kara just kept beaming at her, oblivious to the threat.

Astra hadn't helped the situation. As soon as Kara had appeared, Astra had pounced on her, beaming and telling her how brave she had been, how happy Astra was that Kara had saved Alex.

And Kara had stared, open mouthed in the face of a real superhero, blushing furiously at the praise. Alex had finally kicked Astra out, because despite the fact that she knew that Kara was not going to stop trying to help people, especially now that she had made herself a public figure, Alex still needed to lecture Kara, and Astra cooing and calling Kara 'Little One,' was getting in the way.

But Astra would be back later to help Alex train Kara, to help keep Kara safe. It would mean that Alex was going to have to spend a lot more time with Astra, in the coming months, and even as she wanted to be annoyed about that, she couldn't help the slight flutter in her heart when she thought about it, a flutter that she knew both of the other women in the room could hear, but that she desperately hoped they wouldn't connect with the reason.

And so Alex had told Astra to leave, and, after dealing with her traitorous heart and the rekindled smirks Astra had been shooting her way ever since that hug, kicking the woman out had been incredibly satisfying.

Which left her alone with yet another supernatural woman who was unfazed by her meticulously cultivated and supposedly menacing air.

Sighing, Alex let her glare fade away. She had a feeling that Kara's lack of response to her intimidation was her own fault anyway. Over the past month she had become completely susceptible to the girl, and she knew it showed. She doubted that she would ever be able to truly appear threatening to Kara, even if she tried, there was just something lacking. Could you ever really glare at a puppy, after all? Even when they messed up, they were still so adorable that you just wanted to hug them anyway.

Giving up on her standard tactics, Alex instead switched from scary badass to annoyed older sibling. She had never had a sister, but somehow it just seemed to come naturally with this girl, whatever she was.

The second approach worked better, and Alex actually managed to enjoy herself, somewhat, working herself up into a full sibling rant about safety and security, she even threw in a 'you nearly gave Hank a heart attack,' for good measure. She was just gearing up for another round when she caught sight of those large, begging eyes, and a caring look that made her pause.

"But you could have died," Kara's voice was so sure, so strong, that Alex knew she had lost. Because, whatever Alex's arguments might be, whatever her logic was, for Kara, it would always just come down to that one fact. For Kara, all that mattered was that Alex had been in danger, and that Kara had had the ability to help.

Shaking her head, Alex released another sigh, and gave in.

"At least tell me where you were, I was worried about you," but she was smiling now, despite the serious nature of the situation.

Her smile dropped away a second later when Kara blushed a deep, dark shade of red. The kind of red that told Alex that she was not going to like the answer.

"I was with my human," it came out as a mumble, but Alex heard it anyway.

"Your what?" She hoped she hadn't heard that right.

"My human," and now Kara was grinning, despite her embarrassment. A silly, infatuated grin that told Alex exactly what kind of relationship Kara had with this… human.

"She's the reason I got stuck here. We… well, you know…" and yes, Alex did know, and she very much wished she didn't, because she didn't want to think of Kara, of her sweet little innocent Kara doing _that_ with anyone. "Well, somehow it bound me here, but I ran off before she woke up because I was worried about hurting her if I couldn't control what was happening to me. But I knew she would see me on the news, and I'm much better now than I was a month ago, so I had to go see her."

"You're telling me," Alex's voice was surprisingly steady, and she was sure it was only because her heart did not want to process the facts, and so it had turn everything over to her head, "you're telling me that you slept with a random hum-"

"Not random, we've known each other for seventeen years," Kara cut her off, slightly defensive.

Alex filtered that information away, wondering if it meant that Kara had known the woman growing up, or that Kara herself hadn't aged in all that time, but then she turned back to the issue at hand.

"You're telling me," she continued, "that you're some supernatural creature with unbelievable power, and you're stuck here because you couldn't keep your hands to yourself?"

"Yes?" Kara answered, almost questioning whether it would be better to lie.

It was like the plot of a bad hentai. Alex could just see it now, 'Horny Creature from the Xth Dimension: A New World of Sexual Bondage Awaits!'

Hank really hadn't been close to having a heart attack when Kara had saved the plane, but this information, this just might do the trick.

"I actually have to go again, sorry, Alex," that snapped Alex's attention back to the girl. "She gave me a job, and I have to go to work!" And there was that brilliant smile again, that smile that made all of this seem less ridiculous, somehow.

And at Kara's next words, Alex knew that she would never be able to stay mad at this girl, whatever the reason.

"I thought I would use the name Kara Danvers, if… if that's alright with you?"

It should have bothered her, she had only known Kara for a month, after all. But how could it bother her? How could it be anything less than something that would cause this warm, fuzzy feeling in her chest? This feeling that was going to completely ruin what was left of her scary reputation.

She didn't trust herself to speak, so instead she just nodded, earning an excited squeal and a tight, almost painful hug from the other woman.

As Kara released her and turned to go, Alex finally found her voice again.

"Just, at least tell me who it is," she was relenting on the whole situation, maybe this wouldn't be so bad. They had known that Kara would probably want to branch out and explore other aspects of the human world, and at least this way, Alex wasn't going to be the one solely responsible for the girl, because even though Astra was willing to help, the other woman still lived in Metropolis and wouldn't be here all the time.

At her question, Kara's brilliant smile shifted into a grin, a very smug, very pleased, very… self-satisfied grin.

"Cat Grant."

Hank was definitely having that heart attack now, and, come to think of it, Alex was probably headed that way herself.

/

Kara didn't bother to change out of her Supergirl costume before letting out a happy sigh and flopping down onto her bed. It wasn't the cold, empty bed she had made in her vast palace in Hell, no, this was her cozy bed in her small, but comfortable apartment. It had been six months since she had been stuck here, six months to learn all about being human, and about being Supergirl.

Because that's who she was now, both human and Supergirl, even as she was also still the Devil.

As a human, she was Kara Danvers, still Kiera to Cat, that would never change, but Kara to everyone else. She was the only assistant Cat Grant had ever had to make it past three months, and, demanding as the job was, Kara loved it. She loved working at CatCo, loved being pushed by the other woman, loved learning new things. But mostly, she just loved being at Cat's side every day, seeing those knowing smirks, or feeling those little touches. She loved the way Cat would adjust her fake glasses when they started to slip, and she loved all the other hidden ways that Cat would reach out to her when no one was looking, or sometimes when people were looking, but wouldn't understand.

And she was also Supergirl, running off during the day to help people, and spending hours after work training with Alex and Astra, when the woman was in town. She was able to train with Alex now because the DEO had managed to create some altered kryptonite, something that affected her enough that she was able to train with humans in a special room designed to damper her abilities. And she enjoyed that, but sometimes it worried her as well.

It worried her that they could do that to her, control her like that, but she tried to push it aside. And she was successful, for the most part, but not always. Not after a tough battle, and not after she had taken down an enemy and seen a moment of fear and hate in the creature's eyes. Because in those moments, even though she knew that she was helping, she couldn't help but remember that, despite being a superhero, she was still the Devil, she was still a creature that did inspire fear and hate, that had created evil. And she couldn't help but remember that she had once been a part of something, part of a large family, until she had been cast out. It had been her own choice, to be sure, but her father could have come for her, could have forgiven her, could have allowed her back into Heaven. But he didn't interfere, even for her, and so Kara knew what it was like to be a part of something, and then lose it. And that, that memory, that made it hard, sometimes, to suppress her worry when she realized that her new family could hurt her as well.

But for the most part Kara was able to push past those thoughts, especially when Astra joined them in the room, and the glow of the kryptonite intensified to beam two forms, to weaken both women and bring them to a human level. That made it easier, seeing how Astra also allowed this, although Kara was very sure that Astra would never willingly enter such confinement if she wasn't with Alex.

And that was another development, another something that she enjoyed, watching Astra and Alex spar. They did it more and more, recently, not just to teach Kara, but to improve their own skills as well. And there was something highly amusing about seeing the passion with which Alex attacked the other woman, almost as if she wanted to touch Astra in a different way, but wouldn't allow it, and so physical violence was her only alternative. And considering how often Alex was dragging Astra into the ring now…

It made Kara smile.

There were other things that she liked about the DEO as well. Hank, for instance, Hank was teaching her tactics in a way that went beyond the physical fight training she was receiving from Alex and Astra, and Kara found that she very much enjoyed learning from him. She had beaten him at chess for the first time a few weeks ago and he had looked so proud, so pleased with her, that she had had to fight down the urge to release her wings.

That happened, sometimes, when she had a strong emotion, wanting to release her wings and just be completely herself. And the first time she hadn't been able to control it, the first time it had happened in the bedroom, with Cat, well… that had been something.

She blamed Lucy for that.

She blamed Lucy because, while Alex and Astra were teaching her how to fight, and Hank was teaching her how to strategize, Lucy was teaching her other things. Lucy was teaching her the answers to questions that Kara hadn't even known to ask. And so the incident in the bedroom with Cat, that had definitely been Lucy's fault, because it had occurred on the day when the lawyer had just appeared at her side and started talking about sex as if that was the most normal thing in the world, and, despite Kara's blushing, she had listened.

That evening she had gone to Cat's apartment, instead of her own, and, kneeling between Cat's legs, she had tried out one of Lucy's suggestions, and Cat's reaction… well, she hadn't experienced Cat coming apart in quite that way before, and upon seeing it, knowing that she had caused it, she hadn't been able to suppress her own desire and her wings had erupted from her back.

And in response Cat had come again almost instantly on her tongue.

And Cat had hired Lucy for CatCo the next day.

So yes, Kara was enjoying being Supergirl, working with the DEO, almost as much as she was enjoying being human.

At the end of most days Kara would come back to her own apartment, sleepy and contented. She had been slightly surprised at first, by how much she liked having her own space. She was used to being alone in Hell, after all, and she had thought that she wouldn't like to continue living alone. But it wasn't the same. It wasn't the same because she was surrounded by people, because she had made new friends, because she could have movie nights, and game nights, and she could explore this world in a way she wouldn't have been able to if she had continued to live at the DEO, or with Cat.

And it wasn't like she didn't spend a number of nights at Cat's place, anyway. She almost always ended up spending the entire weekend there, or, after a particularly stressful day, Cat would just give her that look and Kara would know that she wasn't going home to her own apartment, not that night, at least. And Cat would ask her to move in, eventually, because Kara knew how much Cat wanted to pull her in, and never let her leave, even as Kara knew how much she herself wanted that as well. But Cat hadn't asked, not yet. Cat hadn't asked because Kara was still so young, even as she was older than time. Kara was young because she had never gotten to be alive, before this, and Cat wouldn't ask until Kara had finished learning what it was to be human.

Still, Kara missed Cat all the time, missed Cat every instant that they were not together, but it was an almost pleasant feeling, reminding her that she had someone to miss, now, someone who would miss her back in a way that her original family just couldn't. And it never became unbearable, because how could it, when she could feel Cat with every breath? She could feel Cat because of the slight constriction around her throat, because of the mark Cat had given her to show her promise, the mark that only Cat and Kara could see, that Kara would always have, and would always remember.

She would always remember because that memory was precious, and she was going to hold onto it for an eternity. The memory of when Cat had given it to her, had fastened it around her neck at the end of that first week of work.

Kara had been showing Cat around her new apartment, grinning at the distaining look on the other woman's face when she had seen the place.

 _"It's larger than your first apartment,"_ Kara had reminded her, _"larger than the place you lived in when we first met."_

Cat had huffed at that, but her glare had lessened, slightly, at the memory.

 _"Speaking of which,"_ and Cat had wrapped a hand around her arm, stopping Kara's excited, over energized movements, _"when I lived in that apartment you gave me something, and now it's my turn."_

That was when she had pulled out the box from her purse, opening it and taking in Kara's reaction with a pleased smile.

Because inside the box was Kara's promise, and how could Kara react with anything other than her whole heart? Kara had stared at it, had reached out to run her fingers over the pendant, feeling the engraving, and when she had looked back up at Cat, she knew that the other woman could see the thanks in her eyes, could see how much this meant to her.

 _"There's no key,"_ she had whispered.

 _"No, Kiera, there's not."_ And no further explanation had been needed.

As Kara lay in bed now, running her fingers over the soft, black leather band around her neck, a warm smile graced her lips. The collar was secured in place by a small, silver pendant, a lock without a keyhole, a lock that would not be opened. It wasn't actually shaped like a lock, for all that it was one, no, the pendant itself was the same triangular shape as her own mark, but with a 'C,' instead of a 'S.'

Not that her own mark actually was a 'S,' and she had explained that to Cat once, during their earlier years together. Kara had explained that even amongst the original Angels there were different houses, different ranks. The 'S' had been the mark of the first-born. Kara herself was the eldest, but there had been one other Angel, just slightly younger than her, who had also been given that crest.

It was also the mark that was on the front of her Supergirl costume, the one Lucy had made for her soon after the incident with the plane. The other woman had modeled the outfit off of what Kara had been wearing on that first night, when she had dropped out of the sky all those months ago, that blue shirt and red, makeshift skirt. Kara had asked Lucy to add the crest, but had only partially explained what it meant, telling her that it was her family, but leaving out just who, exactly, her family was.

She thought about it, sometimes, about telling them. About telling Alex, and Astra, and Hank, and Lucy, but she knew she wasn't quite ready. She wanted to trust them, so very much, but it had only been six months since she had met Alex, Hank, and Lucy, and five since she had met Astra, and she couldn't risk it.

Because how do you explain to someone that, not only have you been hiding your identity, but that that identity is one of a monster? Cat had been different, because Cat had always known who and what she was, and Kara had never tried to deceive her. But Kara was deceiving these other people, she was deceiving everyone else. And, after finding out her lie, wouldn't it only fit into their idea of what the Devil was? A deceiver, a liar, a fraud? After finding out who she was, would they forgive her, would they let her explain?

The Devil was supposed to be a manipulator, after all. Cat had known that fact, Kara had pointed it out to her, as a warning, but Cat had dismissed it. But not everyone would, and as much as Kara wanted to tell her friends the truth, she wasn't there yet, and she didn't want to lose her new family.

And so she had asked Lucy to put her crest on the outfit, but hadn't fully explained what it meant. And it looked good there, on the front, it looked good, and it completed the costume.

Lucy had been a little disappointed that she hadn't been able to give Kara a cape, and truthfully, Kara was as well, but while she could retract her wings, and make them invisible to all but Cat, she couldn't make them intangible, and so that had put an end to the cape discussion. She did have one, though, a cape. She kept it at Cat's apartment, and while it didn't serve any practical purpose, it did have its merits.

Maybe she should go to Cat's place now. Cat always left a window unlocked for her, and if she left now she would just beat Cat back, and she would have just enough time to slip into that cape before Cat got home, and then…

The air shifted.

"Kal-El," the name left her throat as a whisper, and despite herself she couldn't help but feel afraid, because standing in front of her was the only other Angel to ever bear that 'S.' Standing in front of her now was the second born, the Archangel Kal-El, and Kara was afraid because she hadn't seen another Angel since her fall from grace. They couldn't enter Hell, she had made sure of that, more to protect them than her, but she had been on Earth at various points over the years, when she had been summoned, and not a single Angel had ever come to see her during those times. But if he was here now…

"Lucifer," the greeting lacked malice, but then again, Kal-El wasn't capable of hating her. Original Angels weren't exactly incapable of emotion, but what they felt lacked depth, lacked substance. They could be happy or sad, but not exuberant, not broken. They could still feel, but not like her, not to the point where something that they wanted, became something that they needed.

Not to the point where they could fall in love, where they could even begin to understand love.

Would he hate her, if he could? She had often wondered that in her isolation. Her actions hadn't exactly harmed any of the original Angels, but they had disrupted the nice, orderly state of things. None of the other Angels had been interested in change, but her action had forced change upon them. Kara was responsible for destroying their perfect world, and so if they could, would they hate her?

Seeing Kal-El now, she had her answer, because Kal-El was wearing a simple white robe. Clothes hadn't existed in Heaven, even as a concept, in the time before her fall. But the humans, even if they didn't remember their lives, were still emotional enough to want clothing, to be embarrassed without it, and the original Angels had obviously given in. The robe gave Kara her answer because it was an example of change, and because Kal-El's feelings about that change were prominently displayed on the small crest, just over his heart, the crest with the backwards 'S,' with the symbol that had been flipped around so that it no longer matched hers.

Kara felt her throat burn, felt her heart ache, felt fresh pain, because even as Kara had been given new names, after her fall, that symbol had still been with her, was still with her, across realities and worlds. That symbol showed who she was, who he was, and yet he had rejected it because it was tied to her. And so Kal-El might not hate her, but he certainly did not like her, he certainly did not want her to be part of his family, not anymore. By changing his symbol he wasn't just rejecting her now, no, he had also removed her from his past. He had erased their connection.

It felt like falling, all over again.

Tearing her eyes away from that mark Kara forced herself to stand up, to look into his eyes without flinching.

"It's good to see you, Kal-El, I've missed you," and even through the pain it was still true. He may have rejected her, but he was still family, and unlike him, she was capable of love. And she did love him, would always love him, no matter what.

"You shouldn't be here," he ignored her small smile, her greeting, but Kara kept the smile on her face, even as she wanted to drop it, to cry, to run to him and hug him, to run away from him and hide. Kara kept her smile even as she didn't know what she wanted.

Was he here to send her back? That was why she was afraid. She didn't have the power to break the bond holding her here, not that she would, if she could. No other Angel would be able to, either, but could God? Had her father sent Kal-El with his voice? Because God could do that, work through Kal-El, but she didn't think he would. God didn't interfere. After creating everything, he hadn't ever interfered. Her father hadn't tried to save her, but would he interfere to further damn her?

Of course there was one other way to send her back. Killing Cat would do that, and that thought was even more terrifying.

"You're not going to hurt her, my human, are you?" Kal-El wouldn't identify Cat by name, but he would recognize that, he would know who she was talking about if she phrased it that way.

"Your human is safe, but you still shouldn't be here. You can't go back to where you belong until she dies, but that doesn't mean that you have to exist like this. I'm here to ask you to step away, draw back until her life ends and then go back to Hell."

Kara felt a wave of relief at those words. Cat wasn't in danger, and Kal-El wasn't here on a mission from their father. If he was, if God had actually decided to interfere, then Kal-El would have demanded her obedience, not asked.

And now that she knew that Cat was not in danger, that she had a choice, Kara felt her fear drop away, felt herself grow stronger.

"I'm not hurting anyone, I'm helping them, and I'm helping them as a creature of this world, not as one from ours. I've changed to fit this place, I've been accepted by this place, and I am not going to withdraw."

"You don't belong here," he said again, ignoring her statement.

Kara struggled to find the words, to explain it to him in a way he could understand, even knowing that her argument was based on a higher emotion than he was capable of, one he would never comprehend. Still, she had to try, because even if he didn't understand, he had cared for her, once, he had been her family, in a distant past, and Kara needed someone to talk to. Because Kara hadn't talked about this with anyone, not yet, and she needed to say it out loud.

"She's not going to get reborn, Kal-El, if she was, my tie to her is strong enough that I could find her in her next life, I could come back, for her. But she's not going to have another human life, she's going to join you, in Heaven. She's going to join you, and she won't remember me."

Kara hadn't told Cat that, that the woman would forget her. Cat had given her a debt to carry into the next life, but Cat didn't know that she would never even be in a position to consider claiming that favor. But it was enough, for Kara. It was enough to know that the contract would still be there, even if the other woman wasn't. It would have to be enough, because she would never want Cat to experience Heaven, and then lose that place and descend into Hell. Kara never wanted Cat to feel that loss. And once Cat forgot her, as long as Cat didn't know what she was missing, Cat would be happy, so incredible happy.

Cat would be beyond happy in Heaven, and Kara…

Kara was going to take her happiness here. Kara was going to hold onto her current happiness, and hope that it would be enough to sustain her through eternity.

"All I have is one lifetime, Kal-El, a few decades at most. Even less if something happens to her because as I am now, I can't alter reality to save her. I can't fix her if she gets sick or injured, I can't do anything to extend her life."

He looked at her, considering, and she knew her pain was evident. He would recognize it, even if he didn't understand it.

"You're making the wrong decision," he told her finally, and her heart broke again at the clear dismissal of her pain.

"But it's my decision to make," she answered. When she had fallen she had made a decision for all of humanity, all of humanity and the other creatures, the sentient supernatural beings that also existed as part of this vast world. And she felt guilty about that, even as she didn't regret her actions. But this decision, she would never feel guilty about this, because this was just for her.

Well, for her and Cat, really, but Cat had made the decision with her, had made it the moment she had asked to see Kara's face, the moment she hadn't let go.

"I can't make you go back, or stop you in any way, but I will not leave you here unsupervised," Kara's eyes widened, what was Kal-El planning? "Arrangements have been made to keep track of your human, as your tie to this plane, we will be watching."

And then he was gone, returning to Heaven, and Kara was already throwing herself out of her window, racing towards her human, towards Cat.

/

Cat Grant entered her apartment and stopped dead, because standing in front of her was a young boy.

"Hello," he spoke, and Cat instantly felt drawn to him. His voice had the same softness as Kara's, and the shy smile on his face reminded her so much of the innate goodness she loved in the other woman. She should have balked at coming home to find a strange boy in her apartment, but instead she felt herself relaxing, felt an answering smile begin to grace her own face in response to his.

"My name is Carter, I'll be your son, from now on."

And suddenly there were memories in her mind. They were hazy, and she knew that she would always know that they weren't real, but the rest of the world wouldn't know. As of this moment, reality had shifted around her to include this boy in her life. As of this moment, Cat Grant had a son, Cat Grant had had a son for ten years, and Cat Grant's son had a pair of white, ethereal wings.


	5. Chapter 5

Cat wished her driver would go a little faster. It had been a long day and now she just wanted to get home and relax.

The day had started out pleasant enough, they almost all did, now. Now that Kara was her assistant, now that Kara was greeting her with a hot latte every morning, and especially now that on some of those mornings the greeting in the office was the second one, rather than the first. Cat liked those days best, the mornings when she would wake up to the feeling of Kara pressed against her side, where Cat could kiss the girl awake if she happened to wake up before her alarm, which she almost always did, and where, when Kara finally did open her eyes, the girl would look at Cat in just that way that made her feel both incredibly powerful, and, at the same time, completely lost in this other woman.

She had never liked that, before, with other people she had brought into her bed, not even with her husband, a man she had loved, once. She had never liked it when they were still so close the next morning, always preferring to roll away, to have her space, her freedom. But it was different with Kara.

With Kara she loved the feeling of holding the girl in her arms, of a sleepy Kara pressing closer into her body when Cat ran her fingers over soft skin, of strong limbs that could so easily crush her, and yet were always so very careful. With Kara, Cat didn't feel constricted when she woke up to a head on her chest, and an arm over her stomach. No, with Kara, that sensation made Cat feel so very free, because Kara was possibilities, Kara was a bright future that she never wanted to be without. And because waking up like that, with her own hand holding Kara to her in a tight embrace, mornings like that served to prove to her that now, when the Devil left her side, Cat could count on her coming back, and that Cat wouldn't have to wait months before seeing her Kiera, again.

And, waking up like that and seeing the black leather collar around Kara's neck, the collar she herself had fastened in place, Cat knew that she would always have this. Cat knew that the Devil would never escape her grasp. Kara was hers in this world, and Cat was going to make sure that Kara was hers in the next as well.

Kara hadn't woken up in Cat's bed that morning, but the girl had been there after that, waiting for Cat at the office, and that was almost as good. Because Kara wasn't just the best assistant Cat had ever had, Kara was something more like a partner, and even when Cat didn't wake up to her in the morning, she would still know that Kara would be waiting for her, supporting her through the rest of her work day.

Not that Kara didn't have her faults. Her clothing, for instance, that had come as something of a surprise. Cat had thought it was a mistake, that first morning, the first day that Kara had come into work as her assistant. It was true, she had seen Kara's clothing choice the night before, but those clothes had been ruined by soot and water, and Cat hadn't really gotten a good look at them. And so the first time she had really seen how Kara preferred to dress had been the following morning.

 _"Maybe she borrowed it from someone, maybe she doesn't have any clothes of her own, yet,"_ Cat had thought to herself, even as she knew that wasn't the case.

Because as soon as the shock of seeing the Devil in clothes that could only be described as… _fluffy_ , well, not actually fluffy, but certainly something an anthropomorphic forest creature would wear, as soon as the shock from seeing that had worn off, it had made sense, and Cat had kicked herself for ever thinking that Kara would dress in any other way.

For the first few weeks Cat had kept telling herself that she would take Kara shopping, that she would make the girl pick out some better clothes, but somehow, somehow she always found herself coming up with a last minute excuse. Because although she would never admit it to anyone, let alone Kara, she secretly liked the way Kara looked, liked how Kara presented herself.

Kara might not have any fashion sense, but she did have a very distinct character, and so when she dressed herself, it only served to show off her personality all the more. And Cat had fallen in love with the Devil long before she had ever seen her face, so how could Cat possibly be anything other than charmed by the ever rotating collection of pastel dresses and cardigans? How could Cat truly dislike anything that served to bring that soft smile to the forefront?

And that was even before Kara had put on those glasses. Cat had picked them up on her way to the office that first morning, a last minute idea because she hadn't had time for anything else, hadn't had time to think of a better way for office Kara to hide the fact that she was also the woman on the front page of Cat's own paper. Thankfully, only one or two people had seen Kara before Cat had had her put on the things, and, as soon as Kara had put them on, they fit so well with her overall image that no one would ever remember a time when she hadn't worn them.

And it wasn't like Kara's other fashion choice, her Supergirl costume, was much better. Cat had hired Lucy before she had discovered that the woman had been the one to make the outfit. She had known Lucy was part of the DEO, Kara had been the one to introduce them, after all, but she hadn't realized that the lawyer was the one who had created the costume, not at first.

Cat had asked her about that, when she had found out, wondering how someone who seemed to have some semblance of fashion knowledge, at least when it came to dressing herself, had managed to come up with that… whatever it was.

Lucy had grinned at her, then, grinned and said that she had thought that Cat would like it. It might not be elegant, per say, but it was definitely cute, adorable, even, and wasn't that what Cat was attracted to? Lucy's knowing smirk had almost gotten her fired, but Cat had relented, because it was true, and because the outfit wasn't actually _so_ bad, especially when Kara pulled out the cape accessory.

Plus, Lucy was a good lawyer, even if she was a member of a cult, and both Cat and Kara had benefited from Lucy's… advice.

Was Cat a member now too? Unofficially? She hadn't considered that before, and the thought made her want a drink, or four. It had only been six months since Kara had gotten pulled into their ranks, but already, Cat was finding herself swept up as well.

She remembered the first time she had met both Alex and Astra, that had been an interesting evening. It had happened about a month after Kara had reappeared, and, after hearing their names several times, she had gotten curious, wanting to meet those women who were also a part of Kara's new life.

She hadn't realized that Astra was The General, not until the woman had showed up at her door, arm wrapped around a very annoyed, and slightly flustered, Alex. It had quickly become apparent that Alex had spent the entire trip from the DEO attempting to get out of Astra's grip, and had even threatened to kill the other woman multiple times, but that had only made Astra laugh. Cat had quickly realized that Alex probably could have escaped regardless of Astra's super strength, if she had really wanted to, something that pretty much everyone else there realized as well, but were all kind enough not to point out.

And as the evening progressed, Cat had actually found herself relaxing, enjoying the company of those women. At least until Astra had turned to Kara in the middle of dinner and announced that she approved of Cat, and that Kara had made a good choice in picking 'her human.'

That's what Astra had called her, 'Kara's human,' and just because it was true did not mean that Cat had to put up with it.

Cat had turned to Kara then, glaring at her, enjoying the way Kara had shifted guiltily under her gaze.

 _"Your human?"_ She had asked, raising an eyebrow.

 _"Of course,"_ despite the fact that the question had been directed towards Kara, it was Astra who had continued speaking, a mischievous grin on her face, even as Kara had shot the other superhero a pleading, horrified look, which Astra either didn't understand, or chose to ignore. Personally, Cat thought it was the latter. _"I've heard her refer to you that way on several occasions."_

 _"So have I,"_ Alex had chimed in, helpfully.

 _"Cat-"_ Kara had started to say, but Cat cut her off.

 _"We'll talk about this later, Kiera,"_ she had said, giving the girl an evil look, a look that had backfired because Kara's expression, as she had squirmed under Cat's gaze, that expression had made Cat very glad that Kara had called her that, if only because she got to see this look as a result.

And they had talked about it later, at length. Although the result of that 'conversation' probably only served to further the idea that yes, Kara might be Cat's Devil, but Cat was also definitely Kara's human.

And she supposed that was something she could live with.

So overall, Kara was completely taking over Cat's life, and Cat was loving every minute of it. Which was probably why the rest of her day had seemed so long, once the workday had ended. Because after the last document had been signed, the last department head had been threatened, and Kara had left for Superhero duties, after all of that Cat had gone on to a fundraising dinner for National City's Lyric Opera. It was something she was very glad to support, especially considering that the company would be producing her favorite opera next season, Verdi's _Macbeth_ , and she was looking forward to taking Kara to see it, but even so the event felt slightly empty without the girl at her side. The party itself had been decent, there were interesting people to talk to, good food and alcohol, and the music, as expected, had been superb, but Cat found herself wishing that it would end so that she could go home, and call Kara. Or rather, that she wasn't at the party at all, that it was the weekend instead, and that Kara was with her at her house.

Around that time of night Kara would be sitting on the kitchen counter, she somehow always ended up there no matter how many times Cat told her to get down, because while Kara was normally very good at following directions, when it came to food, not even Cat could get in the way. And so when Cat would try to push her off of the counter, Kara would just smile sweetly and ignore the other woman, and Cat would be forced to give up. It was the one thing Cat gave up easily on, the transgression she allowed, because she did enjoy it, how simple, how easy it all was.

Cat liked to cook, liked to cook for Kara, and she especially liked it if it meant that Kara herself wouldn't be trying to make anything. Cat had let the girl help a few times, early on, and the results had been complete and utter disasters. Kara seemed to be of the opinion that if she liked several things individually, then they would of course be just as good, if not better, when mixed together. Kara's method of cooking entailed combining anything that looked remotely interesting, and, considering how much Kara was enjoying the experience of human food, practically everything looked interesting to her.

Kara was always happy to eat whatever she made, but Cat, well, Cat couldn't handle another meal of perfectly good homemade pizza ruined by the added toppings of ice cream and french fries. She just… she just couldn't.

But Cat enjoyed cooking, and she enjoyed having Kara there with her as she cooked. Cat enjoyed having to dodge around Kara's swinging legs, and she enjoyed swatting at Kara playfully with whatever cooking implement happened to be in her hand whenever the girl would grow impatient and swipe a sample of the as yet unfinished dinner. And if Kara was feeling particularly bold, that evening, Kara would reach for Cat instead, and even if the dinner ended up getting burnt, Cat never minded. Because she enjoyed that as well.

And now the fundraiser was over, her driver had finally managed to get her back home, and Cat found herself wondering if Kara would be waiting for her when she stepped out of her private elevator. That would be a nice surprise. Cat hadn't asked Kara to move in with her yet, but that didn't mean that she didn't enjoy coming home to the other woman. And if Kara wasn't there, well, maybe Cat would call her over anyway.

And then her elevator opened.

"Hello. My name is Carter, I'll be your son, from now on."

Logically, Cat knew that a smile was not the correct way to react to this situation, to finding out that you were both suddenly a mother, at, at the same time, had already been a mother for ten years. But when your lover was the Devil, and your new son was apparently an Angel, the very idea of reacting logically itself seemed illogical.

And Cat wanted to smile.

She wanted to smile because she had always wanted a son, it was a secret that not even Kara knew about. But when she had been younger she had been building her company, and, in those first seven years of the contract, after she had formed it, but before she had really gotten to know Kara, well, she had been apprehensive about starting a family. Of course her initial interaction with Kara had given her some insight into the girl, but it had been a short interaction, and, even with the limits that had been set on her debt, she had been wary about bringing a child into her life, knowing that she had a demonic shadow looming over her.

And then she had started to get to know Kara and those fears had faded, but when she had gotten married her husband hadn't been interested, and so she had focused on work instead. After her divorce she had considered it again, she had considered going to a sperm bank and doing it on her own, but her first thought after that idea had popped into her head was that, no, she wouldn't be alone, because there would still be Kara. Kara had told her that she could only appear to Cat, but Cat was sure that the two of them would be able to figure out a way around that, if properly motivated. After all, if Cat gave birth to a child, then part of her would be in that child, which might be enough to allow Kara to appear to both of them. And Cat had known by that point that even if Kara hadn't been willing to work around the issue to meet her husband, Kara would definitely want to meet her child. Which was why Cat had realized that if she did have a kid, at that point in her life, she would not be alone.

It had been that realization that had stopped her, because she had known that whatever child she had would become precious to the Devil as well. And because Cat had also known that it hurt the girl, when Kara had to leave, when she couldn't be a more constant part of Cat's life. And Cat had known that it would only hurt Kara more if there was a child involved, and Kara had to leave them both to return to her lonely, lost kingdom in Hell.

And so Cat had once again pushed away the thought, the dream, because she would not hurt Kara. She had done that once, by getting married, and she would not do it again. But now Kara was more fully in her life, now Kara was in her life and wouldn't have to leave, and the thought had been creeping back into Cat's mind.

Even so, even knowing that she had wanted this for such a long time, Cat should have been upset with the fact that reality had shifted around her without her consent. But she couldn't be. She couldn't be because she knew that, at ten years old, this boy, Carter, had been hers before she had been married, and the false memories told her that he was hers because she had gone through with her idea to go to a sperm bank, she had just done it years prior to her actual consideration of the plan. And because she knew that this was all a result of Kara being in her life. Carter didn't have a father, but he was her son because of Kara. Which meant that even if reality had only shifted to acknowledge her, acknowledge Cat as Carter's mother, he still belonged to both of them.

Cat couldn't be upset because Kara had given her everything she had ever wanted. Kara had given Cat a company, had given Cat friendship, had given Cat love, and now, now Kara had given her a child.

And so Cat ignored logic, and smiled at her son.

A moment later there was a gust of wind and Kara appeared through the window. And, as the girl moved towards her, as Kara came to stand at her side, Cat felt her smile widen because her family was complete.

/

"Mom?" Cat looked up, smiling at the boy who had been her son for three months.

After her initial joy at finding out that Kara had given her a son, that first day, three months ago, then the worry had set it. Because a moment after Carter had introduced himself, Kara had shown up, looking scared and apprehensive, and Cat had realized that maybe the Angel was here to keep Kara away from her.

But then Carter had walked towards the demon, had turned his entire focus on the girl before he had even finished explaining himself to Cat, to his mother, and that move, that consideration, that was the moment that Cat knew that she loved this boy. Even after only a few seconds, she knew, because he was her son, and he was smiling at the woman she loved.

He had stopped just in front of Kara. Kara, the demon, Kara who should have been his enemy, Kara, who had shrunk back as if expecting only anger and hatred, and he had smiled at her and held out his hand.

"I'm Carter Grant, I'm going to be living here from now on. I can't believe that I get to be friends with Supergirl!" And it was said with such genuine excitement, such pure truth, that Cat had realized something else. Cat had realized that this boy was what she had always imagined a child of Kara's would be like, that he was just as bright and open as Kara had always been with her, and that realization had made Cat incredibly happy.

Kara had looked at his outstretched hand, then, and slowly, reverently, almost as if she thought he would fade away, she had sunk to her knees, bringing them to an equal height, and placed her hand in his.

"Hi," Kara had whispered, catching Cat off guard with the emotion in her voice, and when Cat had placed a hand on Kara's shoulder a moment later, and the girl had turned her head slightly to meet her eyes, Cat had been overwhelmed by the mixture of sadness, and joy, and _awe_ that she had seen there.

And Cat knew. She didn't need Kara to talk to her about it to know that Kara sometimes considered herself to be a monster, that Kara sometimes blamed herself for every pain, and every moment of suffering. No, because Cat had known Kara for a long time, Cat remembered the time Kara had warned her that she was the Devil, and that her entire personality might be a lie, and Cat was there to see the occasional nightmares. Cat would hold the girl when they came, hold her as Kara would whimper in her arms, hold her until Cat's gentle stroking lulled the girl back into a more relaxed sleep, and Cat would feel her own heart breaking because Kara had been alone for so very long. And so Cat knew that this acceptance, this simple greeting from an Angel who was clearly emotional, clearly one of those affected by Kara's decision, this moment meant more to Kara than Cat could possibly comprehend.

They had found out more about Carter, after that, when he had taken the time to explain. He was trying to become an Archangel, and this was the final part of his training, to be by Cat's side. Not to interfere, or keep her from Kara, but simply to watch. He was here because this situation had never happened before, and he was here because someone should be.

He wasn't bound here, like Kara, and so his body hadn't changed the way hers had, not completely, but, because this was his mission he wasn't restricted in movement the way Kara had been, before Cat had caught her, and he was still stronger and faster than the average human, just not to the same extent as the demon.

Cat had tried to ask him about his pervious life, after that, but he had simply smiled and said that he had died as a child, at the age of ten, and that he couldn't tell her anything more. And she had accepted that, because she supposed it might be painful for him to talk about his previous family, even as he probably had found them again in the afterlife. Still, he might not want to talk about his old life in his new one.

There was one more thing Cat had learned that day because, at the end of everything, he had turned to Kara, who was still in her Supergirl outfit, and he had commented that her symbol was different. It had been an offhand comment, he obviously hadn't been looking for an explanation, or a response, and she hadn't offered one. Kara had simply smiled and acknowledged his words. But Cat had seen it, seen the flash of pain in Kara's eyes, so swift and hidden that she knew the boy had missed it, that anyone else would have missed it, because only Cat knew the Devil well enough to read her so easily.

And so after Carter had gone to sleep in what had been one of Cat's guest rooms, but had shifted into a lived-in boy's room, a room with Supergirl posters on the wall, which had made Kara blush, and with board games stacked in tall piles, which had made Cat's competitive streak itch, after Cat had tucked him in, she had asked Kara what Carter had meant.

And Kara had told her about the visit from Kal-El, and about how he had changed his symbol, and Cat had held Kara as the girl had finally broken down and sobbed. Cat had held the Devil as pent up emotions from an incomprehensible amount of time had washed over the girl, as Kara had finally let someone else see fully what her fall had cost her, what Kara was willing to let Cat see, but no one else.

Cat had held Kara, and Kara had held nothing back.

And now, three months later, here they all were. Cat was sitting on the sofa reading the draft of an article for next month's magazine cover story, Carter was standing in front of her calling her 'mom,' and Kara was curled up on the sofa next to Cat. It was a weeknight, and several months ago Kara would probably have gone to her own apartment after training with Astra and Alex for hours, but ever since Carter, Kara was shifting to spend more and more time at Cat's place during the week. Another month or two and Cat would ask her to move in, officially, and that was something she was very much looking forward to. It would mean making their relationship public, which could get a little rough, but they would handle it. And it would all be worth it if Cat could touch Kara in public, more than the little gestures she had been restricting herself to so far, it would all be worth it if Cat didn't have to hide what the girl meant to her, anymore.

It would be worth it because then maybe those sappy boys at the office would stop staring at _her_ Kiera, something that the girl herself was completely oblivious to. Or at least, if they did continue, Cat would be able to openly glare back at them. Cat could reach out for Kara, pull the girl to her, and she could make it very clear that no one else stood a chance.

Because how could they? When Kara was here with her now, relaxed and happy because she was with Cat. Kara had been exhausted after the training session and she had collapsed on the sofa at Cat's side almost as soon as she had come in, curling up with her head on Cat's lap. And Cat had simply, and without thought, adjusted herself around the girl, lifting the article to give Kara room to pull closer, and tangling her hand in Kara's hair, knowing that her tight grip would instantly put Kara at ease. Because Kara liked that, liked feeling Cat's hold, liked knowing that when she woke up, she would still feel that hold, still _not_ be alone.

Kara was fast asleep now, and Carter was careful to keep his voice soft so as not to wake her.

"Mom, what do Kara's wings look like?" And now Carter shifted his gaze from Cat to the woman in her lap, a considering look on his face.

The question surprised Cat, because didn't he know? Glancing back at her and seeing her confusion, Carter rushed to explain.

"Illusions are a special skill of hers," he clarified, "I can't see through them."

"But don't you all use illusions? You look human enough, except for when you release your wings, but even then, your face is still human…" she trailed off as Carter shook his head.

"What you see here is not an illusion. Only the original Angels look different, the rest of us, we all look like the humans we were when we were alive."

"But you told me that you would age?"

"And I will, until about twenty-five. Original Angels all look around that age, and while the rest of us don't change much in physical appearance, we do gain wings, and we will never appear to be older than that. But those of us who died before that age still look younger. Kara, because she can use illusions, will seem to age without actually changing, but I will grow, and age. It has something to do with the fact that my soul originated here, on Earth, and so until I reach a certain point I can still be affected by Earth's time. It's also why I still sleep, and eat even though I haven't been directly bound here, like Kara. This world still has a claim over me, it always will. That's one of the main reasons I was chosen for this. Out of all the current Angels working to become Archangels, I'm the only one who is still a child, and when they get candidates like me they find a task that will send us to Earth so that we can continue to age. I may be older than you, if you consider how much time has passed in this world since I died, but emotionally I am still a child and I need to grow up."

Cat nodded, that made sense, but it still didn't explain why Kara was the only one who could use illusions.

"Because she is Lucifer, the Light Bringer," Carter continued, answering her unspoken question. "Illusions are created by bending light, and, out of all the Angels, Kara alone has power over light. She's the only one that can create illusions, and only she and God are powerful enough to see through whatever she makes… or at least, it used to just be the two of them, but now there's you, as well."

For a moment Cat forgot to breathe. When Kara had given her that gift, when Kara had let her see through the illusion to her real face it had meant so much to her, it still meant so much to her. She had known that she was the only mortal that could see this side of Kara, but she hadn't realized, not really, she hadn't realized just how precious that gift had been. Looking away from Carter, Cat stared at the girl at her side, tightening her grip on Kara's hair reflexively, and smilingly when Kara unconsciously shifted closer to her in response.

"I thought it was just a simple trick," Cat knew her voice was a whisper, was lost in wonder, "I thought it was something all Angels could do. I didn't realize what it actually meant, that it was a part of that power that gave us all of this." She didn't have to specify what 'this,' meant, because Carter could feel, he would understand her meaning.

"You know, the first thing she ever did with that power was to hide the doorway to Hell. I think she did it to keep other Angels from wandering through and getting lost, she did it to keep the rest of us safe." Cat nodded at his words, that sounded exactly like something Kara would do. "Not many people bother looking for it, but I have," he continued, "I looked for such a long time, but only someone with the ability to see through her illusion could ever hope to find it."

He was giving her a look now, and she understood. He was telling her that she would be able to find the doorway, after she died. There was also something else, something he wasn't saying, and something she knew he wouldn't tell her, but that didn't matter because what he had given her was important. She hadn't realized that Hell was hidden, but now she knew that it was, even as she also knew that she had the power to find it. And she would. She would look for Kara, because she had years of memories to drive her, she would have even more by the time she died, and she would find her demon.

"So Kara's wings?" Carter asked again, drawing Cat back to the original question.

Cat once again raised her head to look at her son, and she knew the smile on her face was almost as bright as Kara's own.

"Kara's wings…"

/

Maxwell Lord was not a happy man. He had been happy, once, before Supergirl. He had been on the verge of the ultimate success, combining supernatural powers and technology in a way that was sure to have transformed him from a slightly above average success story, into a legend.

He had already been rich, when Supergirl had destroyed his plans, when she had broken apart his labs. He had already been famous, when she had freed his test subjects, the creatures he had spent years collecting in the shadows. And he had already been powerful. But he hadn't been unforgettable, he hadn't been immortal, he hadn't been _unstoppable_.

He had managed to escape capture, but his life since that night had drastically changed. His obsession with power and fame had taken on a new direction, and where once he had been planning on using his discoveries to help the world, he was a firm believer in the idea that the ends justified the means, now… now his only goal was to destroy Supergirl.

His first step had been to figure out her identity, thinking he could wage a public media war on her, but that search had ended in disappointment. Actually figuring out that she was Kara Danvers was relatively easy, for someone of his intelligence, but as soon as he had discovered that, well, he had lost any hope of taking his battle and knowledge public.

Because Supergirl might be powerful, but Cat Grant? You do not win against Cat Grant, especially not where the media is concerned. At least it had made some sense, then, why Cat had turned down his repeated requests for dates, only to seemingly stoop to dating her assistant. That news had become public only a few months before his fall from power, and it had enraged him, because how could she turn down Maxwell Lord, for some… some _nothing_ girl? But he could understand it now, because Cat hadn't been dating her assistant, no, Cat had been dating power.

And he very much understood that desire. It was why he had wanted Cat Grant for himself.

Still, realizing that he had lost not only his life's work to Supergirl, but also his backup plan, the woman he had been planning on using to lift himself up to even great heights, that, well, he could not forgive that. Not that he would have forgiven her other transgression, but he hadn't been offended by it. Her breaking up his lab hadn't been a move against him, per say, it had been about truth, and justice, and other such nonsense. It had hurt him, but it hadn't been personal.

But taking Cat Grant, making Cat Grant pick her over him, well, that was personal. And he could not abide that. And so he had shifted his focus once again, no longer looking for who she was, but rather, _what_ she was.

Because no one knew. Sure, CatCo published articles about the hero, but they were always a little vague on what kind of creature she was, and even after hacking into that ridiculous cult's mainframe, the only thing he had discovered was that the symbol on her chest was some sort of family crest.

A crest he had spent such a long time searching for.

A crest he had just found, scribbled in a journal from the 16th century.

A crest that connected her to something evil, something malicious, something he could use against her.

It would take a little more time to translate the entry fully, and he would have to be careful to weed out the crazy from the facts. The author of the journal, from what little he had gauged so far, was relatively unhinged, claiming that he had made a deal with the Devil, and so it would take time to sort through it all, to pick out the truth from the obvious insane ramblings. But Maxwell Lord had something that would help him pass that time with ease.

Maxwell Lord had an obsession, and that gave him all the time in the world.

Lord smiled as he ran his finger over the fading 'S.' The author might have been crazy, but if he claimed to have contacted the Devil, then clearly this symbol had been associated with something dark, rather than the light, helpful 'hero,' it was connected with now.

He knew it couldn't actually be the Devil, but it was something, and Lord was going to find out what.

He was going to find out what could be mistaken for the Devil, because the Devil didn't exist.

Did it?


	6. Chapter 6

"Does it ever bother you?"

"Hmmm?" Alex raised her head and looked at the woman sprawled across her sofa. Astra had started doing that a few months after Kara had come into their lives, coming back to Alex's quarters after a visit, and somewhere along the line Alex had stopped protesting.

She had probably stopped protesting the minute Astra had actually kissed her for the first time, after the raid on Maxwell Lord's lair. Astra hadn't been there, but Alex had, and after it had been all over she had called the other woman.

Alex had called Astra because the things she had seen in that raid, those images were still engrained in her mind even now, even years later. Because how could she forget the cells filled with supernatural creatures? How could she forget that terrible smell, and the way the air had almost seemed acidic? The way it had burned her eyes?

How could she forget when it could so easily have been Kara an Astra behind those bars? When the two most important people in her life, Kara, the girl who was like a sister, and Astra, the woman who was her… something. How could Alex forget when those women were also supernatural beings, were also people whom Maxwell Lord would have very much enjoyed getting his hands on?

She had hugged Kara after it was all over, well, over except for the fact that they hadn't found Lord, still hadn't found him. Alex had hugged the girl and held on for as long as she could, but eventually she had let Kara go because as much as she had needed Kara in that moment, she had known that Kara had been hurt as well, and that Kara had needed Cat.

And so Alex had let Kara go, and she had called Astra. And Astra had come.

And when Astra had shown up the superhero had bypassed her usual, outrageously flirtatious behavior, and opted instead to just fold Alex into her arms without comment. And the relief that Alex had felt in that moment, the relief that she had felt when she knew that Astra was safe, was at her side, that Astra was keeping Alex safe as well, that relief had opened her eyes. It was that moment when Alex had finally admitted to herself that yes, she did care about Astra, and that yes, she needed this insufferable woman.

And then Astra had kissed her, and it hadn't been remotely what Alex had imagined. Alex had imagined that when it finally happened, Astra would have that annoying smirk on her face, that she would be incessantly talking, and that Alex would just snap. Alex had imagined that it would be her, when it came down to it, that she herself would reach out, grab the surprised Kryptonian by her collar, and yank her into a frantic, bruising kiss. All to shut the other woman up.

Alex had imagined that the pent up frustration, years of flirtation and withholding, would all come crashing down around them then, and that they would burn themselves out in a few short weeks. Truthfully, that was probably why she had resisted for so long to begin with, because Astra was, well, Astra was someone that Alex didn't want to disappear from her life. And so she had resisted, keeping the other woman at arm's length because she didn't want to have something that would burn out, she wanted something more.

And so when it had been Astra who had kissed her first, when it hadn't been about passion, but rather about comfort, when it hadn't been harsh, or frantic, but soft and caring… it had been the exact opposite of what Alex had imagined, and it had been perfect.

Because she knew in that moment that she hadn't been the only one holding herself back. Sure, Astra had always flirted with her, had always seemed to care, but, outside of a few brief moments, like the time Alex had almost died on the plane, outside of those brief moments, most of Astra's attention had been superficial, had been coy, had been fun.

But it hadn't seemed serious.

Astra hadn't ever crossed that line, not really, because she had been afraid as well. Because she had been afraid of showing herself to someone, and losing them, losing Alex. Astra was the last of her race, and she was so very afraid of losing anyone else.

It had been a long time since then, that first kiss. It had been almost four years, and somehow they hadn't yet managed to burn themselves out. Sure, Astra still lived in Metropolis, and sure, they only saw each other in person once every couple of weeks, but it didn't matter, because somehow, Alex knew that this was here to stay.

"Hmmm?" Alex said again, turning to fully face the other woman, waiting for her to continue her thought.

Astra had a picture in her hand, one that had been taken several years ago at Carter's middle school graduation, which Kara had insisted the two of them attend with her and Cat. Not that either of them had minded. Kara was family after all, which made Cat and Carter family as well, and, over the past years, that was a word that Alex knew had come to apply to them in more than name only.

The picture showed Kara bending down to fuss over Carter's tie, a look of concentration on her face as well as obvious pride. It was only a middle school graduation, but Kara was looking at him as if he was about to receive an award for ending world hunger, or some other momentous, revolutionary accomplishment. Carter, for his part, had a shy, almost indulgent smile, and although you couldn't see it in the photo, Alex was sure that he had been rolling his eyes at the woman who had become an almost second mother to him. Cat was in the photo as well, standing just off to the side watching the scene with an amused look on her face, and a soft smile that betrayed how much she cared about both of the people in front of her. Alex had taken the photo, unable to resist capturing the moment, and Cat had scolded her later for not giving her any warning, but she had still asked for a copy, anyway. It was so clear to anyone looking at that photo that the three people cared deeply about each other, that they shared something special.

"Does it ever bother you that we don't know what Kara is? That for all that we care about her, and that she cares about us, that we don't really know anything about her from before five years ago?" Astra ran her finger over the image of Cat, over the expression that clearly showed that the woman knew and trusted everything about Kara, before shifting her gaze to look at Alex.

If anyone else had asked, Alex would have told them no, and then changed the subject. But Astra was not anyone else, and Astra also considered Kara to be family. And so Alex couldn't lie to her, not about this. Standing up, Alex crossed from her desk to the sofa, sitting down next to Astra and reaching for her hand.

"I…" Alex tried to figure out how to start, because yes, it did bother her, but that didn't mean that she didn't care about Kara, didn't trust her. "I keep telling myself that it doesn't matter, and that she'll tell us when she's ready, and sometimes that almost works," Alex used her free hand to take the picture from Astra, because she understood why Astra had picked it up, in conjunction with her question.

"And then I see them together and I remember something that Kara told me once. I remember her telling me that before she and Cat got together, they had already known each other for seventeen years. When I see them together, it becomes so obvious that there is so much that Cat knows about Kara, that maybe Carter even knows, that we don't. Because Kara has never told me anything more about that, about those seventeen years, about how she met Cat, how she left her home, where her home even is. But Cat knows, Cat knows everything about her, and I understand that, I mean, you know things about me that no one else does, but…" she broke off for a moment, shaking her head in an almost self-reprimand, not quite willing to admit that she was actually admitting this, admitting it and meaning it. "But I want to understand. I want to know why Cat calls her 'Kiera,' I want to know what Kara really looks like," Kara had told them that her wings weren't actually invisible, that that was just an illusion, and it had made Alex wonder what else the illusion was hiding, "and I want to know why she is so afraid of telling us the truth. What could she be that is so bad, so terrible, that she feels she has to hide it from us?"

Alex finished speaking, looking as Astra and imploring the other woman to understand, to not judge her for admitting that it did bother her.

"It bothers me too," Astra spoke, squeezing her hand in gentle reassurance. "I trust her, and I love her, but I want to know as well."

Alex sighed, leaning into Astra and feeling the older woman shift to wrap an arm around her, holding her closer.

"I want to believe that when she finally does tell us, that it won't matter, I want so very much to believe that," Alex felt Astra nod at her words, and she sank further into the embrace, the rest of her thought left unspoken.

She wouldn't finish that thought though, not out loud, not even with Astra. But the other woman would know, because Alex knew that Astra was having the same thought. Both of them desperately wanted to believe that it wouldn't matter, but they had seen it. Seen how Kara would deflect when someone asked her a question that was just a little too pointed, and how Cat, if she was nearby, would draw herself up protectively. How Cat would insert herself between the person and Kara, how Cat would give that person a glare that would make stone cringe away.

Both of them had seen the way Kara would sometimes get that look in her eye, that lost, painful look, that look that told them that whatever secret Kara was holding, whatever secret Cat was helping her protect, it was not something that could be dismissed on sheer faith alone.

Not when it was something powerful enough to make Kara want to keep it from them.

No, they wanted to believe that it wouldn't matter, but truthfully, they both knew that they couldn't say that for sure. And that, perhaps, that knowledge that they couldn't give their complete faith to the girl, that was even worse than the secret itself.

/

Kara couldn't help smiling to herself as she heard the familiar sound of Cat yelling for her assistant, asking where those files were, all without looking up from her computer. Kara had the files ready, of course she did, and without a moment's hesitation she was in front of the other woman's desk.

"Is there anything else, Miss Grant?"

As her words, Cat's head snapped up, and Kara fought to smooth her face into one of professional calm.

"Kiera," Cat stood up, bracing her hands on her desk and leaning forward slightly, "would you care to explain just why, exactly, you are bringing me these files, and not my actual assistant?"

Despite Kara's protests, Cat had forced her to take a promotion to junior editor two years ago, claiming that Kara couldn't stay her assistant forever. There had been some rumbles about that, at first, just as there had been when people had found out that the Media Queen was living with her assistant, but eventually, when both Cat and Kara refused to engage with the gossip reporters, their relationship had become old news. Sure, there were still the occasional trashy stories, normally someone new trying to make a name for themselves, and thinking that they could stir up the story into something relevant, but for the most part the world had forgotten about them, and their 'scandalous' relationship.

It had helped that they were still together, even now, four years after the story had first broken. Four years wasn't a long time, but for the people who thought that Cat was just sleeping with her young, hot assistant, and that Kara was just sleeping with her powerful, influential boss, well, those four years had been more than enough. Because Kara was no longer looked quite so young, at least, her human illusion now looked thirty, and people were actually starting to see her as an adult capable of making her own decisions, rather than a confused twenty-something who had gotten caught up in the glamour that was Cat Grant.

And then there was the fact that Cat had had security bodily toss that one man out onto the curb, and then ruined him to make sure that he could never work anywhere reputable again. After that, people were almost terrified to question Cat's commitment or feelings for the younger woman.

It had been about three months after Kara had transferred to her new job when that man had come in as her boss, just transferring himself from the Opal City branch. It had been a huge move for him, coming to work at CatCo's national headquarters, and he had clearly been puffed up with overinflated self-importance.

Kara had known that there was going to be trouble when he had done a double take upon hearing her name, that first day, and the subsequent leer he had sent her was enough to make her skin crawl. His actions over the next few days had made it very clear that he thought that she had been moved to this department because Cat was done with her, the fact that she and Cat still lived together, and regularly ate lunch together at the office didn't seem to matter, or register with him. He had assumed that they were on the last legs of the relationship, and clearly, if Cat was done with her, then he, as Kara's new boss, was naturally entitled to claim her for himself.

Kara had tried to be nice about it, rejecting his advances in a professional manner, thinking that he would get the hint and drop the issue, but her rejections had only seemed to encourage him. And, as his behavior continued, Kara found herself becoming more and more confused, because she didn't understand why he kept doing this, or how to get him to stop without hurting him.

What confused her most was that he was very careful never to do something in front of anyone else, which clearly meant that he understood that what he was doing was wrong, and that he was getting off on the situation, on her refusal and the fact that he was getting away with this. As the days passed and he got bolder, brushing his hand across her arm, or making comments about the length of her skirt, Kara found that more and more she was spending every moment in his presence with her hand at her throat, holding the pendant of her collar in a tight grip. It must have looked strange to him, because he couldn't see the collar, but Kara hadn't cared. She was an immortal, but her actual interactions with humans had been vastly limited, before meeting Cat, and so she had never been in this situation before, and she didn't know what to do. And holding onto the 'C' around her throat helped her to stay calm, it helped to remind her that this man didn't matter, because she belonged to Cat.

She knew that if she had witnessed him acting this way towards anyone else, that she would have stopped him immediately, that she wouldn't have hesitated to get him fired, but when the unwanted attention was turned on her, it was suddenly much harder to act. Because she was supposed to help people, to put others first, and didn't that apply to everyone? Not just the people she liked? It would have been easy to make the choice if it was him or someone else, but when it was him or her? How could she justify getting him fired when that would hurt him? And she could take it, she was a superhero, of course she could take it.

It wasn't until it was over that she realized just how far she had let things get, how, in her confusion, in her unwillingness to get someone else in trouble, she had let him get away with so much.

In the end it was Cat who had saved her.

Cat had come down to ask her a question, something she could have easily done over the phone, but it had been a busy day and Cat had wanted to see her in person. So Cat had come down and, being Cat, had walked into her office without knocking first. And Cat had seen Kara, head down, hand wrapped around the pendant, leaning away from that man, from the hand that was resting low on her back, and the eyes that were unapologetically on her chest.

Later, after the man had been tossed out by security, after he had been ruined, Cat had taken an early day and brought Kara home to talk to her about it. Kara had thought Cat would be mad that she had let that man put his hands on her, that she hadn't stopped him. Kara had thought that Cat would point out that Kara was the Devil, and Supergirl, and that she should have known better. It was a sign of just how far Kara had been disrupted by the situation that she had thought that, it was a sign of just how much the man had really gotten to her that she had allowed herself to become afraid of Cat's reaction.

But when they had made it home, Kara still with her head down, still holding her pendant, almost as if she was afraid that Cat was going to take it away from her, Cat hadn't been angry, at least, not with her. Cat had gently lifted her head, making Kara look her in the eye, and she had told her that it was ok, that it was all going to be all right.

And Cat had talked to her, just talked, but in doing so she had taken away Kara's confusion and fear, in doing so, she had saved Kara from the spiral of self-doubt and shame that the situation had put her in.

Cat had told her that just because she was powerful, just because she was immortal, didn't mean that she didn't have the right to get confused. Cat had told her that she had nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to be afraid of, and Cat had run her hands over Kara in a soothing, protective way. And then Cat had asked her questions, not because Cat needed the answers, but because she knew that Kara needed to hear them. Kara needed to hear herself explain why she had let things get so far, to realize that her rationale, that she was supposed to protect people, and that she could take it, that that rationale was one she had built out of her confusion. Kara needed to say the answers out loud so that she could hear for herself how skewed her reasoning had gotten, and so that she could set it right.

And the last thing Cat had done had been to gently unclasp Kara's fingers from around the pendent, pulling her hand away, before asking her last question.

"I saw you holding this, when he was touching you," Cat had said to her. "You were thinking that it didn't matter because you belong to me, right? You were thinking that he couldn't hurt you because you would never belong to him."

Kara had nodded, not understanding why Cat was bringing that up, that wasn't something she had wrong.

But Cat had sighed softly, and reached out to stroke Kara's face, "Kiera, that man didn't have any right to touch you, but not because you belong to me. He didn't have any right to touch you because he just didn't, because you have the right not to be touched by anyone you don't want to be. You don't need to hold onto this to prove that I'm the only one allowed to touch you like that, Kiera, you don't need a mark for that. I'm the only one allowed to do that because you gave me permission, because _you_ want me to, not because I put a collar around your neck."

That had been the final moment, the moment when everything had cleared away, because of course Kara knew that. It was a trust between them, an understanding, and of course Kara understood that she had just as much agency in the relationship as Cat. Yet somehow, Kara had started to forget that. Somehow, Kara had let the beautiful thing between her and Cat get swept up in the haze that the situation had brought into her mind.

"Powerful people area allowed to get lost, too, Kiera," Cat had pulled her in close, then, seeing the realization in Kara's eyes, and knowing that Kara would be even more upset now that she understood just what had happened. "And I will always protect you, if you do get lost, I will always come for you, but just remember that you are allowed to save yourself. Remember that you are worth saving."

And when Cat had spoken that final sentence, Kara had known that Cat was talking about more than just the situation at hand, and she had smiled because Cat had saved her. For a short time, at least, Cat was letting her be almost human, Cat was saving her from Hell.

After that, the media interest in their relationship had taken a drastic dip. Apparently the fury with which Cat Grant had come down on an employee for 'lightly flirting' with Kara, as the media reported it, well, that fury was strong enough to convince most of the population that Cat was indeed very serious about the girl.

Because Cat had gone at him with a vengeance.

Cat had been telling the truth, when she had talked to Kara. Cat had meant it when she had said that Kara had the right to protect herself, but that didn't mean that Cat wouldn't be there as well, that didn't mean that Cat still wasn't going to destroy anyone who sought to harm her girl. Just because Kara didn't gain her worth from belonging to Cat, that didn't change the fact that she still did. It didn't change the fact that she did belong to Cat, and Cat would always protect what was hers.

And now, several years later, here Kara was, back in Cat's office, acting as her assistant.

"I sent her home, Miss Grant," Cat narrowed her eyes at that response, but Kara squared her shoulders and continued on. "It's almost 8:30 on a Friday evening, just because you wanted to have a late meeting with Lucy, doesn't mean that your poor assistant should have to suffer as well."

"I see," Cat shifted then, straightening up and moving around the side of her desk, her eyes never leaving Kara's as she stalked closer. "And you decided to take it upon yourself to send her home without consulting me? Did you even stop to consider that if she's not here to yell at, then I'll have to make someone else suffer in her place?"

Kara swallow thickly as Cat stopped in front of her, coming to a halt just inside of her personal space. To anyone else this scene might look threatening, but Kara could see the small hint of a smile in Cat's eyes, even through her glare.

"Well, Miss Grant, feel free to demote me in you feel that I overstepped my bounds," she was proud of herself for keeping her voice steady, which was hard because Cat's eyes had shifted down to look at her lips, and Kara didn't miss the way Cat's breathing hitched each time she called her 'Miss Grant,' instead of 'Cat.'

It had been a long time since she had called her that, 'Miss Grant.' Kara had continued to call her that during their first year together, the first year where she had been Cat's assistant, and their relationship outside of work had still been hidden. After Cat had asked her to move in, however, well, Kara couldn't very well continue calling Cat by her last name in public, even if Cat could still get away with calling her 'Kiera' without raising too much attention. Cat could get away with it because there was a difference between calling someone an altered name, which sounded like a nickname, and calling someone by a formal name when the relationship obviously was a more familiar one. If Kara had continued to call Cat by her last name, even just at the office, people would have assumed that it was some sort of sexual power play, and, considering the way Kara was using that name now, they probably would have been right.

"Oh, I won't demote you, Kiera," Cat reached out as she spoke, her hand coming up to wrap around the pendant at Kara's throat, and, giving a sharp tug, Cat forced Kara to move forward and lower her head so that Cat could whisper in her ear. "I'm quite aware of how much you would enjoy being demoted back to my assistant, I hardly think that suggestion is an adequate punishment."

Kara shivered at Cat's tone and the feeling of the other woman controlling her movements through the collar. It was a very different sensation, Cat holding the pendent right now, it was different from the way Kara had been holding it for protection, those few years ago. It was different because Cat was holding it in a way that showed that it was something special, something between just the two of them. Kara would hold it that way, too, occasionally, when Cat wasn't around, and when she missed the other woman, but Kara never held onto it anymore because she was thinking about someone else, never held onto it to distance herself from the touch of another person. Kara had never gotten that confused again, and now, when she or Cat touched that collar, it was only for them.

The sound of a throat clearing behind her caused Kara to jerk back in surprise. Normally, with her heighted senses, no one could sneak up on her, and Lucy shouldn't have been able to do it now because Kara had known that Lucy was coming, but Cat was very distracting, and for all that Kara had started this, somehow Cat had gotten the upper hand.

Blushing furiously, she started to turn around, not missing the triumphant look on Cat's face, because of course, from where she had been standing, Cat had seen Lucy approaching. And of course Cat had played into the game, getting Kara all flustered just because she knew that when Kara realized they were being watched, she would turn just this shade of pink.

"I would be happy to come back later," and judging by Lucy's tone she was telling the truth. This was Lucy, after all, Lucy who loved interfering in people's love lives to an almost pathological degree, and even if it meant a delay, she really would be all too pleased to simply turn around right now and leave them to it.

"That won't be necessary," Cat was talking to Lucy, but still looking at Kara, and Kara, for her part, was doing her very best to ignore the both of them. That plant was interesting, she mused to herself, when had Cat gotten a plant in her office?

"Kiera and I were just discussing boundaries," and why, oh why did Cat have to use _that_ tone right now? "But I'm sure that I can finish explaining the limits of her power to her, later, and in a more… appropriate setting. Somewhere soundproof I think, Kiera can get a little loud during our _conversations_."

Yes, that plant was definitely intriguing, way more interesting than the twin evil looks on both Cat's and Lucy's faces.

"I'll just... go fly around for a bit then…" good, she could run away and do that.

"Don't use up all your energy, I'm sure Cat wouldn't like it if you were too tired to fully appreciate her lecture, later," Lucy's voice followed behind her, fading into a dark chuckle as Kara rushed from the room.

Kara had never been more grateful for her super speed, or more irritated at her super hearing.

It took a few minutes, but eventually, hovering above the city, Kara's face had finally started to return to a more normal shade and she felt that maybe she had enough of her composure back to return to the office. But first she closed her eyes and took one last, calming breath, smiling at the feeling of the wind on her face. It was a sensation she still enjoyed, something she had never been able to get enough of ever since that first moment she had truly felt the wind on her skin, over five years ago on Cat's balcony.

And then she felt something else and her eyes snapped open, panic replacing her calm, because she recognized this feeling.

This power.

This call.

This _summons_.

Someone was summoning the Devil, and here on Earth, she couldn't resist it on her own. When she was in Hell, when she was her true self, she didn't actually have to answer a summons because no mortal call was strong enough to force her to leave her realm, but once on Earth, once she was already here she didn't have that protection, which meant that unless she could get to Cat, and soon, she would be forced to go to whoever was calling her.

 _"Maxwell Lord,"_ she realized, and her panic increased. She could feel him, through the hum of power, she could feel his presence and she knew that he would know how to restrain her, if she gave in and answered.

Displaying her crest so openly had been a risk, she had known, but it had been a small one, because while it was true that only her contracted humans had ever been able to see her mark on their skin, that didn't mean that none of them had never written in down, had never shared what it meant. And it was just possible that some record like that had survived down the ages, that somewhere, in this world, there was a book with her symbol, and an explanation of what it meant. But she had thought that even if someone did find it, who would believe it, really? Cat was the only living human who had held her mark, and so outside of the two of them, outside of Cat and Kara, it had been very unlikely that anyone else would ever recognize the symbol.

And so Kara had kept it, because it was important, because it was hers. But now her enemy was calling her, and she had a feeling that her crest was to blame.

But Cat would save her. They had prepared for this, they had a plan. If she could just get to Cat…

She didn't slow down as she approached Cat's office, her power was fading as she used all of her strength to fight back against that pull, and instead of landing gracefully she folded her wings away at the last moment and crashed through the window, sending shards of glass flying.

Luckily Cat and Lucy were far enough away not to be hurt, but they sprang up at the sound. Kara made it several feet, stumbling towards her human, clearing the area made hazardous with glass, before sinking to her knees. And Cat was at her side instantly, concern and fear evident in her gaze.

"Kiera, what-"

"He's calling me, Cat, Maxw-" her voice choked off as the power pulled at her, making it hard to breathe, denying her the air that she needed to make her voice work. But she had said enough, and Cat's eyes widened in realization.

There was a moment's hesitation as Cat shot a look towards Lucy, because the woman was still there, still watching, and this would change everything, but then another pulse of power surged through Kara, causing her to cry out, and Cat acted.

"Call Alex," Cat snapped at Lucy, "tell her to get here and to bring as much kryptonite as she can! Tell her to hurry!"

That wasn't the plan, to bring in the DEO, but then again, there was no way that they would be able to make it back to their apartment anytime soon. They had a stash of kryptonite there, safely tucked away in lead boxes to keep it from effecting Kara, or Carter, but it was there just in case. Just in case someone summoned her and they needed to cut that power off. Surrounding her in the synthetic kryptonite that had been tuned to the power signature of her realm would do that, it would disrupt the summons, it would keep her safe. Or at least, it would keep Kara safe from the person calling for her, but it wouldn't keep her safe on this end. Which was why Cat had hesitated.

But Cat wasn't hesitating any longer, and, after confirming that Lucy had pulled out her phone, Cat turned her attention back to Kara and started chanting.

Kara had taught her that, those words. They were different from the incantation that Cat had first used to call her, all those years ago. That incantation had been in Latin, but really, that language was irrelevant. Mortal languages changed just as Kara's names did, and so Cat could easily have spoken the call in English, and, as long as the intent was still there, it would have had the same effect.

But that call required other items as well, it required more setup then they had time for, at the moment. And so instead Cat was speaking a different language, one that no other living mortal had heard, until now. It was a language of power, the language that had been used to create Heaven and Hell, the language that had been used to create Lucifer.

Coming from a human it wasn't nearly as powerful, and it wouldn't be able to stop the summons already in place, but it could hold her here. As long as Cat didn't stop chanting, as long as they didn't move, didn't break the sequence, it would keep Kara next to Cat. Vaguely, Kara was aware of Lucy's face, of the shock, the confusion. Because right now Cat was speaking in a tongue that would sound alien by any human standards, and because there was no way to hear that language and not instantly, instinctually understand that it was powerful.

But when the DEO arrived with the kryptonite, that language would be the least of their worries, because with the amount that they would have to surround her with, and with how weakened she already was from fighting off the summons on her own, for as long as she had, there was no way that Kara would have enough power to maintain her illusion. When the DEO arrived her illusion would fall, and they would see what she was. And just as no mortal, human or otherwise, could hear that language and not recognize its power, it would also be impossible for anyone who saw her true form to not understand what she was.

Kara had played such an important part in the creation of mortal souls that they would be incapable of seeing her, and not implicitly understanding. They would know what she was, even if they didn't believe in her, even if they didn't want to believe. And they wouldn't just recognize her as a demon, no, it went beyond that. Anyone who saw her would know that she was Lucifer, that she was the Devil, that she was the one who had created darkness, even if they didn't understand that that meant that she had also created the light.

And whereas Cat had seen that form, whereas Cat had recognized her and loved her, there were so many others who would comprehend her title, and then stop looking, stop thinking about everything else. And they would be afraid.

They would be afraid because Kara was the Devil, and because they would see only evil in their midst.


	7. Chapter 7

Cat's throat was burning from the raw power of the language, power too consuming for a mortal to channel for any length of time, power that coiled and writhed in her chest as she fought to form the words. It was painful, impossible, incomprehensible, it was… it was all of those things and yet she wouldn't stop, couldn't stop. Not when stopping would mean that Kara was pulled away from her, not when stopping would put Kara in the hands of Maxwell Lord. Kara may only have gotten out the first part of his name, but it had been enough. And Cat could handle this. This was nothing, not when it was so obvious that Kara was in more pain than her, and not when she knew what the consequences of failure would be.

As she spoke, Cat ran her hands over Kara's face, her shoulders, her arms, anywhere she could reach in an effort to sooth away some of the hurt, almost cringing when she felt the girl shudder with each fresh pulse of power. It had gotten worse the moment Cat had joined in, she knew, it had gotten worse because now Kara wasn't just resisting one pull, no, now Kara was actively being yanked in two directions. Kara was being called by two people, which meant that right now, Cat was hurting Kara.

Cat was hurting Kara, her Kiera, and even if it was necessary, even if she understood why, she couldn't help but feel as if she was betraying the girl. And yet, somehow, Kara was still staring at her, still gazing at her with such an open and trusting look on her face, that Cat knew that Kara didn't even remotely blame her for the pain. It made Cat almost glad for the burning in her own throat because if she had to do this, had to hurt Kara like this, and if Kara wouldn't even blame her for it, well then, at least Cat was suffering as well. At least she was sharing part of Kara's struggle.

And so Cat kept on speaking, kept holding onto Kara, and she knew that she would not stop until the kryptonite arrived and the girl was safe.

But would Kara be safe? Cat wanted to glance at Lucy to see how the other woman was reacting to the situation, to hearing the language, but she couldn't take her eyes away from Kara. She refused to break eye contact, even for a moment, while Kara was in pain. But as the minutes dragged on and Cat knew the DEO would be closing in, she couldn't suppress her rising fear.

Because she knew what would happen when they arrived. She knew that Kara's illusion would fall, and what that would mean. And Cat was terrified of what would happen to a helpless Kara then. Cat was terrified because she knew that, for all her power, for everything she was, everything she had, Cat wouldn't be able to protect Kara.

 _"Carter!"_

Her desperate mind called his name but she shoved the consideration aside almost instantly. They had talked about this, about whether or not Carter should reveal himself if Kara was in trouble. In the same way that Kara would be recognizable without her illusion, Carter's true nature would also become apparent the moment he unfurled his wings. And what better way to stop people from hating and fearing Kara because she was the Devil, then by having an Angel appear to protect her? But Kara had told her no, taking a firm stance in a way that the girl so rarely ever did with Cat. It was a tone that left no room for argument, something that Kara would not compromise on, and Cat had had to admit that she had felt some relief when Kara had so firmly removed Carter's interference from the realm of possibility.

Cat had felt that relief because she knew human nature, and Cat understood that just because people would recognize what Carter was, that did not mean that they wouldn't try to capture him, try to confine him and use him for their own devices. And no matter what the situation was, Carter was still her son, still their son, Cat's and Kara's, and neither of them were willing to risk him. He would want to help, she knew, but his mission on Earth wasn't to interfere, just to observe, and he would listen to Cat.

And anyway, even if Cat could bring herself to do it, to place him at risk, Kara would never want that. And in a relationship where Kara allowed her so much control, Cat wouldn't break the one thing Kara had stipulated so firmly, Cat couldn't say no to this one request, not when it was so important. So no, she wouldn't call for Carter, there would be no outside help, which meant that what happened next would be in Cat's hands alone.

She heard it then, the sound of the elevator, followed by military grade boots making their way into her office, a sound that came to a sudden halt as the cult members came close enough to hear her voice, and every last one of them faltered.

Even Alex and Astra.

Cat could see them in her peripheral vision, not well enough to read their faces, but enough to see that they had all stopped moving. It wasn't a good sign, and her fear for Kara increased, but she was out of time. The words were still burning in her chest and throat and she wouldn't be able to hold out for much longer, no matter how much she wanted to. And so, still not breaking eye contact with the girl, still forcing that language past her lips, Cat clamped down on her fear and willed herself to move. Pulling one hand away from Kara she gestured for the new arrivals to come closer, waving in a circular motion and hoping that they would read her gesture clearly enough to know what to do.

Alex recovered first, and thankfully, she seemed to understand what Cat wanted, and a moment later lead boxes were being opened and the synthetic kryptonite was being placed in a careful circle around the two women, around the human and her demon.

Cat felt Kara sag into her as the kryptonite began to take effect, but the power of the summons continued to surge through the girl, and Cat knew the material was not enough.

And then Alex was handing something to Cat, and Cat had to suppress a shudder as she felt the solid weight of the metal cuffs in her hands. In a normal situation putting a kryptonite restraint on Kara, if it was just the two of them, would have been something that they both very much enjoyed. But right now? Cat knew that as soon as she locked these cuffs in place, that would be the moment Kara's illusion fell away, the moment her true nature was revealed.

Kara would be at the mercy of the DEO, she would be captured, and it was going to be Cat who had allowed it to happen. Cat was supposed to protect Kara, but this action, these next few seconds might result in Kara being rejected by members of her second family, and Cat would be the one who had facilitated that event.

She didn't want to do this, and maybe if she could just keep chanting, if she could just find the strength to keep going, then maybe…

But Kara was nodding at her now, because of course Kara could see the dilemma in her eyes. Kara was nodding and offering a small, reassuring smile, and Cat knew that this was something that she needed to do, something Kara was trusting her to do. And so, moving slowly, wanting to savor this last moment where Kara was still free, Cat ran her fingers one more time down Kara's face, feeling the girl sink into the touch, and then she closed those metal cuffs over Kara's wrists.

Kara shivered, and her illusion fell.

And Cat revealed the Devil to the DEO.

/

Alex hadn't known what to think when she received Lucy's call. The woman was normally so poised, even when she was joking, or plotting, but over the phone Lucy had been scattered, hadn't even been able to really explain what was going on. But Lucy had said enough to tell Alex that something was happening to Kara, and that they needed kryptonite.

And to hurry.

Astra had offered to fly the two of them over while the rest of the team was getting ready, but Hank was off base at the moment, he wouldn't be back for another hour, and Alex couldn't leave this job to someone else. She couldn't let this much kryptonite out of her sight, not when it could be so easily used to hurt Kara if it fell into the wrong hands.

Even so, she had considered it, had almost decided to take Astra up on the offer, but in the end she had elected for the slower transit with the rest of her troops. She had told herself that she needed to stay with the kryptonite because that was her job, and it was the logical, rational move. And it was the right move, she knew, but she would be lying if she said that logic was the only factor she had considered when making her decision. Because there was another reason she had opted for this rout.

Alex had held back because she was afraid.

She was afraid because Lucy had said that Cat was the one who had ordered the kryptonite, and that Cat seemed to know what was going on. Lucy knew almost as much about the supernatural as Alex did, far more than Cat, to be sure, which meant that if Lucy didn't understand what was happening, but Cat did, well that could only mean one thing. It could only mean that whatever was happening had something to do with the one area of the supernatural that Cat had more knowledge on than anyone else at the DEO, Kara excluded. It meant that this had to do with what Kara really was, who she really was, and for all that Alex wanted to know, she was also afraid of finding out the truth.

She was afraid because what if it was something she could not forgive?

And so, even knowing that she did have a rational reason not to fly instantly to Kara's side, Alex couldn't help but feel that on some small level, she had made this decision to put off the inevitable.

But it hadn't been put off for long because now here she was anyway, standing in Cat's giant glass office at CatCo, hearing that strange language, and implicitly understanding that it was more powerful than anything she had ever encountered before. Now she was moving again, finally breaking free of her frozen state, working to surround Kara with kryptonite and handing a pair of kryptonite cuffs to Cat. And now she was watching as Cat hesitated, as Kara nodded at Cat, as Cat stroked Kara's face. Now Alex could see Cat's tension and fear, fear for Kara, not for herself, and Alex wished that the next moment would never come.

And then those cuffs clinked closed, Cat finally stopped chanting, and everything changed.

 _"No!"_

She had meant to say it out loud but her voice wasn't working. Nothing was working, save her feet, which were carrying her backwards without her permission. Two steps, two fast, frantic steps, and then she ran into Astra. Astra, who seemed to be the only one who had held her ground, and that, Alex was sure, was only because the Kryptonian was too solid to be moved by anything other than conscious thought. And right now, none of them were thinking consciously.

The creature on the floor raised its head slowly, meeting her eyes, and Alex wanted to look away, to run away, but she couldn't. It still looked like Kara, almost, despite the vertical pupils and the younger body, the body that was the same age as Kara had been when they had first met. It looked like her, but it wasn't Kara, or at least, it wasn't _simply_ Kara.

This creature could never be described as _simply_ anything. Because how could the Devil ever be simple? The Devil didn't exist, she knew that, Kara couldn't be this creature. And yet…

And yet even as she didn't believe in the Devil, she recognized it. She couldn't _not_ recognize it.

"Alex," the sound was pleading. It was a voice she knew all too well, and it was a voice that tore at her mind.

It tore at her mind because it was Kara's voice, the voice of the woman she loved like a sister, the voice of the girl she had wanted to protect from the moment Alex had first seen Kara descend out of the sky. And that voice was hurting, weak and in pain because of whatever had been happening before Alex had arrived, and because of the kryptonite that Alex had surrounded her with only moments before.

Alex opened her mouth to respond but no sound came out, because even though she could hear, and recognize that voice, even as it called to her, even as she knew it belonged to the soft, bright, loving girl she had known for over five years, even then…

Alex could not respond because her eyes, her very soul, were telling her that this creature was so much more than a young woman, so much more than a supernatural being, even. Because this creature was something that had shaped existence itself, and how do you speak in front of something like that?

Cat moved then, shifting to hug the girl into her body, reminding Alex that the other woman was still there. And how could Cat be there? How could Cat be touching that thing? Alex should be doing something, shouldn't she? She should be pulling Cat away, dragging her out of that creature's reach. She would be, if only she wasn't so afraid. Because even though she cared about Cat, right now Alex couldn't move to save her. But why didn't Cat look like she needed to be saved? Why wasn't Cat afraid?

Cat was holding the creature so protectively, so possessively, and her glare, as she met Alex's eyes, her glare told Alex that even if she did try to pull Cat away, Cat wouldn't let her, not easily at least. Because Cat was not afraid of that… that…

"Alex, please," that soft voice again, and now it had a hint of desperation in it, of fear, and it was a sound that almost caused Alex physical pain, because she didn't want to hear fear in that voice, and because she knew what that fear was directed at, she knew what this creature was afraid of, right here in this moment.

The creature was afraid of her.

It wasn't a physical fear, Alex knew, no, it was different than that, deeper, more painful. It was a fear of rejection, a fear of the very look Alex was giving it right now. And that thought jolted Alex awake, pulled her from her stupor, because that thought made her realize that somehow she could read the emotions of this creature, that she could understand the subtle differences in that voice. It woke her from her haze because it reminded her that she knew this creature, and it reminded her that there was something very wrong with this situation.

There was something wrong because Kara was afraid.

And somehow, somewhere deep inside of herself, Alex remembered that this creature was also Kara, and Alex knew, _knew_ , that Kara should never be afraid, especially not of her.

There was a hand on her shoulder and Alex felt a gentle squeeze, followed by a soft push. The gesture told Alex that Astra was coming to the same conclusion, and it was all Alex needed to finally break the spell, to make her voice work again. And so, moving with the pressure of Astra's hand, Alex took one small, yet significant step.

"Kara?"

The name, spoken softly, not completely without fear, but at least not hateful, not filled with rejection, had an immediate effect on the girl. One name, spoken in that way, and Alex could almost see the relief in Kara's strange, vertical eyes, one simple emotion that made Alex's heart throb.

The look in Kara's eyes made Alex's heart clench because she wanted to relax when she saw it, but at the same time, that relief also made her want to run away again. Because Kara should not be afraid of her, that was true, but Alex, well, Alex should not be doing anything that would make the Devil feel relieved. Alex should not be doing anything that would help something… _evil_.

Because the Devil was evil.

She knew that, everyone did. But she had also known that the Devil didn't exist, and that, it seemed, was a lie. Which brought her back once more to her earlier question. Why wasn't Cat afraid?

Because Cat wasn't evil. The character of the Devil was a trickster, another fact that had been engrained into Alex throughout her life, and so it was possible that everything Alex had thought she had known about Kara, everything she had learned, everything they had shared over the years, had been a lie. But Cat? Cat was human, Cat was very good at lying, at deceiving, but Alex knew her too well by now, and she knew that Cat was not evil. So was the Devil's deceit so strong that Cat had been completely pulled in?

That was when she saw it, when her eyes, as she took in the sight of the two of them together, landed on the collar around Kara's neck, on the 'C' that she could just read from this distance. Her gaze lingered there for a moment before her attention snapped to Cat's face and she saw that Cat had seen where she had been looking. Cat had seen that Alex had been focused on the collar, and even through that harsh glare, Alex could read a spark of smug pride on Cat's face. Cat was glad that Alex had seen the mark, because, for everything that had just happened, for whatever was going to happen next, some part of Cat was glad that everyone was finally going to know to just what degree Kara was completely, and utterly, hers.

And so Cat Grant was not afraid of the Devil, because the Devil was in her control.

Which, of course, could also be part of the deception, of the trickster creature's plan. It could be, and yet… and yet as Alex found her eyes moving again, shifting to look at Kara's face, to look into her eyes, Alex didn't think so. Her instincts were telling her what Kara was, but they were also telling her that that look in Kara's eyes, the fear, and hope, that that emotion was genuine. And if her instincts could so clearly read the Devil's existence, shouldn't they also give away the Devil's intent?

 _"You felt fear, still feel fear, that's instinct,"_ a voice spoke to her, but was it right?

Sure, she had felt fear, but, concentrating on that feeling now, Alex realized that the fear had come second, and it wasn't a strong enough reaction to override this other feeling, her connection to Kara, not completely at least. Because, for a split second before the fear had claimed her, Alex had felt only awe.

Alex had realized that she was in the presence of something vast, something immortal, something that had shaped her very soul, and she had been hopelessly overwhelmed. Which was when the fear had set in, but it had come only because she knew what the Devil was supposed to be, because of the title, not because she could feel any evil from the creature in Cat's arms. Instinct had told her what Kara was, instinct had told her who Kara was, but instinct hadn't told her to be afraid. No, that was a learned feeling, a learned emotion, and, as much as it felt like instinct, as strong as it seemed, it wasn't.

But that didn't mean that she could accept this, that she couldn't _not_ be afraid. It didn't mean that, and yet, as she took in the pleading look in Kara's eyes, Alex knew that she also couldn't hate without cause.

"Kara," she said again, stronger this time, even as she moved forward by another small step. Cat's hands tightened around the girl as Alex moved closer, but the glare was no longer quite so piercing, now simply weary, instead of threatening.

Which was when it happened, or several things happened, actually. Cat moved first, her gaze slipping past Alex, darting towards the smashed window as her eyes fixed on something and she shook her head. No one else saw it, well, maybe Astra, but no one else with human eyesight was close enough to see the small movement. But Alex saw, and, acting on reflex, searching for danger, she snapped her head around and found… nothing.

There was nothing there.

But even if the rest of her squad hadn't seen Cat's movement, they had seen Alex's, and unlike her previous slow, even steps, and soft voice, Alex's last movement had been sharp. It was the action of a trained combat veteran, and, like the good militant cult members that they were, the rest of her team reacted.

The reacted by raising their weapons, and before Alex could command, scream, plead for them to stop, the sound of gunfire filled the room.

/

"Where is she? What have you done with her?" The words came out as something between a scream and a growl, and it was a sign of just how raw the events of the last few hours had been that Alex, strong, confident, unwavering Alex, actually flinched back.

It had all happened so quickly, one moment Cat had been holding a weak, shivering Kara in her arms, and the next…

A movement in the corner of her eye had caught her attention, and shifting her gaze she had seen Carter land on the balcony. He had looked at her, clearly wanting to impose himself between them and the DEO, to protect Kara, just as much as she herself wanted to protect the girl, but she couldn't let him.

He had taken a step forwards, holding out his hands imploringly, and Cat had known that it would hurt him if she sent him away. It would hurt him because he wanted to help, but even so she couldn't allow something to happen to both Kara and Carter. She couldn't protect Kara right now, but she could protect Carter, she could protect her son. And so, shaking her head, she had watched that flash of pain in his eyes and her heart had ached for him, but she also felt relief wash over her when he had ducked his head in acceptance and launched back into the sky. He would stay close, she knew, watching over them, but he would be out of sight, out of danger, and that was more important than any temporary hurt.

And that was when the gunfire had started.

Cat had cried out, toppling backwards as Kara used the last of her strength to lean forward and fall on top of Cat, pushing her down and shielding her with her body. Cat had cried out because Kara was protecting her, but who was protecting Kara? Cat had cried out because right now Kara was too weak to deflect the bullets, and if they hit her they would tear her apart. Kara wouldn't die, that was impossible, but that didn't mean that she couldn't get hurt, that she couldn't feel physical pain.

It didn't mean that Kara was unbreakable.

Cat had struggled to pull Kara closer, to offer whatever protection she could, even as she was trapped under the girl's body. She had felt tears threaten to fall, but a moment later when the gunfire had stopped, Cat had blinked and realized that Kara was still breathing steadily, that Kara was still unharmed.

Because even as Kara had moved to protect Cat, Astra had also moved to stand in front of the pair of them. Astra had been weakened slightly by the synthetic, altered kryptonite, but not by much, and she was still bullet proof, still fast enough to reach them first.

And apparently, Astra still cared enough to do so.

But that had been two hours ago. It had been two hours since Alex and Lucy had interfered with the rest of the team, moving to disable the guns and calm everyone down. Two hours since, with some level of discipline and control regained, the team had gotten up the courage to approach, to pull Cat away, and to bring her to an interview room at the DEO headquarters.

She had tried to stop them from separating the two of them at first, of course she had, but Kara had given her that soft, pleading look, and Cat had given in. Because as much as she had hated to admit it, she couldn't fight the DEO by herself, not in a physical battle at least, and fighting now would only make things worse for Kara.

That didn't mean that she was making it easy on them though, oh no, she was still not happy to be here, not happy to be away from Kara, and she was doing everything she could to make sure that they knew how she felt. Cat was making sure that everyone was suffering for taking the girl away from her.

And currently, that 'everyone,' was Alex.

"Alex," she growled, taking a step and advancing on the younger woman, "where is Kiera?"

It took a moment for Alex to center herself, to remember that she was not afraid of Cat, but as Cat took another step and moved to corner her, Alex seemed to come back to herself.

"She's safe. We have her in a holding cell with the kryptonite levels turned up as high as they can go. Whatever was effecting her before, it won't be able to reach her now."

Cat deflated slightly at that, at Alex's wording. Alex was clearly struggling, if she wasn't she would be with Kara right now, instead of here, with Cat, but Alex hadn't turned her back on the girl. Cat knew that because Alex hadn't said that they had Kara locked up and bathed in kryptonite to keep her contained, although clearly, that was a large part of it. No, Alex had realized that Cat had asked for kryptonite because it was needed to keep Kara safe, and Alex's words had stressed that they were doing what they could to make sure that Kara stayed that way. Which meant that Alex wasn't going to reject Kara out of hand.

But others still might.

"And she'll be safe there? From your team?" Cat's hands clenched into tight fists at her side as she remembered that gunfire, as she remembered how helpless she had felt, how terrified she had been that Kara would be hit.

"We brought Kara in under a black out security drill so no one new has seen her, well, except Hank, and he won't hurt her. As for everyone else, all the people who were in your office have either been quarantined or can be trusted to keep their mouths shut. Right now Lucy is watching the people that we confined, and Hank and Astra are guarding Kara. They, we, won't let anything happen to her, Cat, I promise."

Alex seemed to grow more confident as she spoke, because this was something she knew how to do, she knew how to protect Kara, how to _want_ to protect her. But even so, there was still that tremor, that uncertainty.

"You're starting to second guess yourself, aren't you?" Cat asked. "You're starting to think that maybe you made a mistake, and now that you can't see her, can't _feel_ what she is, you're starting to think that it can't possibly be real."

"I…" Alex ran a hand through her hair in an agitated manner, "Cat, she can't be. When we were there, when I was right next to her, I _knew_ , but now… it's Kara, Cat. It's Kara, and she can't be, she just can't be… that."

"Say it, Alex," Cat's voice had softened, no longer angry, but it was still commanding. She understood why Alex had come here first, why Alex had left Astra and Hank with Kara. It was because Astra had stood up to protect Kara, and Hank, even if he hadn't been there originally, even if he had the same, initial fearful reaction, Hank was also strong enough to fight through it. And so both of them could be trusted with Kara, but Alex, well, Alex needed a moment. Hank and Astra might care about Kara, love her, but for all that Kara loved them back, it was Alex who, outside of Cat and Carter, was her closest family. And even as Alex's desire to protect Kara burned the brightest, the bond that they shared also meant that she was the one who most deeply felt the cut of finding out the truth. And so Cat understood why Alex had come here to collect herself first, Cat understood that Alex was taking a moment before she could go and face Kara. But if Alex let it wear off, if she talked herself out of what she knew, then it would hit her all over again when she went to Kara, and Alex would find herself back in that first confused, scared state.

Alex would have to go through that revelation all over again, unless Cat did something now. And Cat could do something, Cat could help Alex accept it, and she wouldn't be doing it just because she cared about Kara. No, Cat would do it for Alex as well. Because Cat did care about the other woman, and she would not let Alex lose herself, lose part of her family, because of this. Cat might not be in a position to do much, right now, but this, this was something she could do.

"Say it, Alex," Cat said again, reaching out to grip the younger woman's shoulder. "Even if you can't see her right now, you know what you felt. So say it."

Alex looked at Cat, her gaze conflicted, swirling with emotions that Cat knew were threatening to bring the woman down.

"Say it, Alex!"

"The Devil," Alex looked surprised as the words left her mouth, as if she hadn't meant to say them, as if they had slipped out without her consent. But they had, those words, they had slipped out and now they hung in the air as an almost tangible thing between them. The moment Alex spoke that title it all became just that much more real, it became something solid that Alex could address, could deal with, and as a result Cat felt some of the tension drain from the room.

"Kara is the Devil. Kara is an immortal. Kara is-" the words began pouring out of Alex's mouth now, no longer pent up behind sealed, disbelieving lips.

"Still Kara," Cat cut her off.

It felt weird to say her name that way out loud, to call her 'Kara' instead of 'Kiera,' even if Cat often referred to her as 'Kara' inside her head. But right now was not the time to confuse Alex by throwing in another name, even if it was a name that Alex was already familiar with.

"She's still your puppy-Kara, and don't even try to tell me that you've never thought of her that way," that, at least, earned Cat a fleeting smile. "She's still the girl that dragged you to seven different ice cream shops in one afternoon because she had never tasted something like that before, and because she kept getting thrown out of the stores for scaring the other customers by eating too much. She's still the girl that spent the entire night hiding behind you when you made her watch _Jurassic Park_ for the first time, still the girl that flew to Chicago to bring you your favorite meal when you were having an off day, and she still the girl who does everything she can to keep people safe. She's still a superhero, Alex. She's still our Supergirl."

"Is she, though?" Alex was pleading with her now, wanting so desperately to believe, but also clearly still in so much pain. "The Devil is supposed to be responsible for everything that's wrong in our world. Even if… even if everything I've learned about her over the past five years is true, even if now she is exactly the person I have come to know and love, does that change what she did?"

This was it, Cat could tell, if she could just reach Alex now…

Choosing her words carefully, Cat made sure that Alex was meeting her gaze, was fully focused on her, before she started speaking. "I give you two worlds, Alex. You have one world where nothing ever goes wrong, where people are all gentle, and soft, and where no one ever feels sad because nothing bad ever happens, or if it does happen, no one registers it as such. When people get hurt or die in this first world everyone just accepts it, everyone moves on because they are incapable of comprehending anything negative. It's a world without ambition, or drive, without competition, a world where no one ever strives for anything. It's a nice world, a comfortable world, I'll give you that, but it's also a world where people never accomplish anything, because why would they? Why would they bother when everything is already so pleasant? And now I give you the second world, our world, the world Kara made for us. Yes, it's full of darkness, yes there is pain, and suffering, but in the end, look at everything we have, everything we mortals have become capable of, because of her. It's a world where mortals feel that edge of fear, of desire, and where those emotions drive us forward. A world where we can fight for what we believe in, where we _have_ things that we believe in. It's a world where we have to struggle, but because we have to struggle, we can rise. Now tell me, Alex, which of these two worlds do you want to live in?"

Alex opened her mouth, but she was still wavering, still balancing precariously on that ledge. All Cat had to do was tip her over.

"I want this world, Alex. I want this world because even with all its flaws, it's still a more perfect world than that first option. Given the choice, I would choose this world every time, I would choose Kara, every time. Wouldn't you?"

A light appeared in Alex's eyes, and slowly, surly, Cat saw the woman's usual determination and strength begin to resurface, pushing aside the doubt, pushing back against the fear.

"Yes, Cat, I would."

/

Kara slowly regained consciousness, fighting against the weight that was holding her down as she struggled to wake up. She had blacked out almost as soon as Cat had left her side, the exhaustion of fighting off Lord, of being torn between him and Cat, taking its toll. She had held on, for Cat, so that Cat wouldn't worry, but as soon as Cat had been out of sight, the last of Kara's energy had faded and she had fallen into oblivion.

She was lying on her back now, there was a soft surface under her, but aside from that her senses were too dull to tell her anything else. She knew she was probably at the DEO in one of the cells, and as soon as she found the energy to open her eyes she could confirm that. And she needed to do that, to open her eyes. She needed to because she had to figure out what had happened to Cat, needed to locate her human. Her need gave her that last push, and with a groan, her eyes fluttered open.

"Cat," she tried to call, but it was more of a whisper, and so taking a moment to pull herself together, to fight against the pull of the kryptonite, she tried again.

"Cat!"

"She's fine," Kara's heart raced at the sound of Astra's voice, at the lack of open hostility. "We brought her back to the DEO, she's with Alex right now, but when they're done talking she'll be free to go."

Of course, that made sense. No matter what they thought of Kara right now, they couldn't keep Cat here. People would notice if the Queen of all Media went missing, not that they wouldn't notice the disappearance of both Supergirl and Kara Danvers, but at least, with Cat out there instead of in here, there would be someone to control the story. Yes, they had to let Cat go, and they would, because, for as much as Cat might protest them keeping Kara locked up here, instead of letting her go home and surrounding her with kryptonite there, there wasn't anything Cat could do to them that wouldn't risk further exposing Kara. And so the DEO could let Cat go without worrying that she would retaliate and draw attention to them because right now, they needed Cat to hide the story, just as much as Cat needed the DEO to keep Kara hidden from everyone else.

"Will you let me see her, before she leaves?" Kara managed to roll herself onto her side as she spoke so that she could meet Astra's eyes. What she saw gave her hope. There wasn't trust in those eyes, not the kind of trust she had grown used to seeing in them over the years, but Astra's eyes weren't empty. There was confusion, hurt, fear, of course there was, but there was also something else, something that told Kara that she had a chance.

"You know we can't do that, Ka-" Astra cut herself off, almost as if she was unsure of what to call her, anymore. "We can't let her see you right now, not until… not until we understand, not until we can decide if we can trust you, again. That language…"

Oh, that was right. She had forgotten that they hadn't just seen what she was, no, they had also heard Cat speaking the angelic tongue. They had heard the power in those words, and so they wouldn't be willing to let Cat near her, not right now, not when they couldn't be sure that Cat couldn't say a few syllables and set her free.

"But she's alright?" Even though Astra had already told her so, and even though Kara had already worked through the logic in her mind, she needed to hear it one more time, once more now that she could look into Astra's eyes and read the truth.

"Yes. She's mad as hel-" and again Astra's speech faltered, and Kara almost smiled at the superhero's unwillingness to say 'hell' in front of the Devil. She almost smiled, but she didn't. She didn't because it only _almost_ funny, but it was just that, just an _almost_ not an _actually_.

"She's angry that we won't let her see you, but she's fine," Astra managed to continue after a moment, but her voice still sounded hesitant, unsure.

But it was enough because Kara believed her, believed that Cat was safe. And that, well, that was the most important thing.

"And you? The bullets?" Astra had taken bullets for her, she remembered that now, she remembered that there were other important things.

Kara didn't miss the slight surprise that crossed Astra's face as Kara's apparent concern. That hurt, the idea that her concern would be a shock, but Kara understood. Even when Astra was trying, it must still be disconcerting, it must still seem strange to see the Devil acting like she cared.

"I'm fine, it was the wrong kind of kryptonite," Astra said after a brief pause.

"It was still kryptonite," Kara countered, forcing her voice to strengthen, hoping that she could impart to the other woman just how real her concern, and her thanks, really were. "It must have hurt, even if it didn't break the skin."

"Yes, well," drawing herself up, Astra seemed to come to a decision, "I am a Kryptonian, I am a warrior, and little stinging bullets can't hurt me. You would do well to remember that," another pause and then, "you would do well to remember that, Little One." It wasn't a threat, no, Astra had repeated the phrase to push herself into saying those extra two words, that term of endearment. Kara knew that because there was a ghost of a smile on the woman's face now, a smile Kara couldn't help but return.

"I was afraid you wouldn't call me that anymore," she confessed, a feeling of warmth spreading through her chest despite the fact that she still knew that there was so much left unsaid, so much trust to win back.

"Oh? And what should I call you? You look younger now, like you did the first time I called you 'Little One,' so I think it still applies."

"Don't expect me to start calling you that as well, though," a man's voice, Hank's voice. She hadn't realized he was in the room, but a moment later he drew around and entered her field of vision, coming to stand next to Astra. "I always did prefer to call you Kara, or Supergirl. And I'm getting on in years, I'm set in my ways, Kara, so don't expect me to try and learn a new set of names, just because you seem to have an overabundance of them."

Her heart had seized at his first words, but as he had continued speaking, as she had seen that cautions acceptance, the same look that was in Astra's eyes, Kara felt her smile widen. She closed her eyes for a brief moment, breathing in and out slowly, and feeling some of the weight on her chest drop away. She was still foggy, still muffled from the kryptonite, but now, at least, she felt lighter.

"Thank you."

She looked them each in the eye, holding their gazes in turn, trying to let them see that she was still the same person, still Kara, even when she was also so much more.

"Ask your questions, I know you have them. I can't promise to answer everything, but I swear to you that I will not lie."

At that moment the door opened and Alex walked into the room. Alex walked in and smiled at Kara, and it was a real smile, a true smile that Kara knew meant that everything would be all right.

/

Maxwell Lord let out a frustrated scream and smashed his fist into the wall. He had had her, he had been so close, he had felt it.

He hadn't believed, not really. He had spent years tracking down every reference to that 'S' he could find, and even when every source had referred to that mark as the Devil's symbol, he still hadn't believed. But then he had performed the incantation, and he had _felt_ that thing on the other end.

And he had wanted it.

Did he have a plan? Beyond catching her? He wasn't sure. Somewhere over the months and years his reasoning had gotten lost in his all-consuming need to capture the creature, Supergirl, the Devil, to expose her and ruin her, the way she had ruined him. He didn't know how he would to that, but he would. As soon as he caught her.

And he had been so very close.

He had made his own kryptonite, learning the process from the DEO through the back door he had placed in their system after his first hack, and the restraint was ready to be released as soon as the creature appeared. Except she hadn't appeared, and, combing through the DEO servers once more, he had discovered why.

There hadn't been much to go on, an outgoing mission report with no follow up details, a cell block that had been closed off, and that was it, but even in his madness Lord was still a genius, and he could put it together. He knew that she had been contained by the DEO, and that as long as she was in their custody, he wouldn't be able to summon her. It was why he was taking his anger out on the innocent wall, why he was screaming in a frustrated rage.

He wouldn't be able to get to her now, not until she left the facility, and she wouldn't do that while there was still a chance of her being summoned. She wouldn't leave, not unless…

She wouldn't leave unless he gave her a reason, and, looking around at all his files on the girl, he knew what that reason would be.

Yes, the Devil might be locked away, but the Devil's favorite human was free, the DEO had released her several hours ago. If he could take Cat, well, the Devil would stop at nothing to get her back, of that he was sure. The creature might be trapped, right now, but it wasn't helpless. It had friends, and it could manipulate people. If he took Cat Grant, he wouldn't need to summon the Devil, the Devil would come to him.

His rage subsided, fading into a dangerous calm. It wasn't the calm of a rational, logical mind, no, it was the calm at the center of a storm. A calm surrounded by madness, a calm that at any moment could break and doom anyone and everyone in its path.

He was Maxwell Lord, and he was going to bring Hell to Earth.


	8. Chapter 8

Cat sighed as she rolled over in her bed, shifting restlessly as her hands sought for something to hold onto. She wasn't used to this, to sleeping by herself, and even after three months she still hadn't adjusted to waking up without that pressure against her body, without the feeling of soft hair tangled in her fingers.

She strained her memory, trying to remember how she had possibly ever slept without the demon at her side, thinking back on all those years before Kara had finally asked for that first kiss. And she did remember. She remembered relaxing in her bed alone, enjoying the feel of the empty space around her, enjoying the fact that she had so much room to herself. She also remembered pushing other partners away, shoving them to the side of the bed, not wanting to share or wake up to the feeling of them holding her, of them thinking that they had any claim over her.

But with Kara, well, with Kara she _needed_ the girl to be in her arms when she fell asleep, when she woke up. She needed Kara to be there, because as long as Kara was in her arms, Cat knew that the girl was safe, protected, loved. When Kara was in her arms she slept so easily because she knew that, even though she had sacrificed part of herself, of her independence for that girl, she knew that any claim Kara had over her only existed as part of a reciprocal agreement, and that acknowledging that claim only served to further prove that Kara truly was _hers_.

Waking up and feeling Kara against her meant that yes, Cat had allowed someone to have power over her, but in return, she herself had gained so much. Cat had gained everything, and she wanted to protect that everything with all that she had. And so waking up now, waking up alone, without Kara, it opened a dark chasm in her heart that she desperately wanted to be filled again.

Of course Cat knew that Kara was safe right now, in the DEO, but just because she knew that, and understood it as a fact, didn't mean that she felt it. It didn't mean that her heart didn't race when she woke up in the morning and felt how empty her arms were, it didn't mean that she didn't have moments of panic because she didn't know where Kara was, it didn't mean that she didn't worry that Kara was alone.

Especially because she knew that for the most part, right now, Kara was alone. And because Cat knew that for Kara, being alone was something that was even worse than being in pain.

She had stressed that to Alex, after she had found out that they weren't going to let her see Kara, she had stressed that Kara should be left alone as little as possible. She hadn't talked about why, hadn't told Alex that until Cat, Kara had spent most of her existence alone, that wasn't hers to share, but she had still tried to impart how important it was. And Alex was trying, she knew she was, but when Alex, Astra, Hank, and Lucy were the only DEO members approved to be with Kara, it meant that despite their best efforts, most of the time Kara was left utterly without company.

And that was taking its toll.

About a month after Kara had been locked up, Cat had received a worried call from Alex. Alex had told her that earlier that day she had received an alert on her phone, a message from the sensors in Kara's cell that monitored her vitals, a message that informed Alex that for all intents and purposes, Kara was no longer alive. Alex had rushed to the room and there she had found Kara standing perfectly still in the middle of her cell, not moving, not breathing, and, although Alex couldn't see it, the readout had told her that the girl's heart wasn't beating.

Kara was fine, of course she was, and a moment after Alex had entered all of her functions had resumed again, but it had worried Alex. It had worried Cat as well, because Cat knew what had happened. Kara had been alone, and she had forgotten to pretend to be human. Kara had been alone, and she had lost touch with reality, slipping back in the mindset she had held for so long when she had been in Hell. Physically Kara was fine, but Cat hated the fact that mentally, Kara was struggling to remember that she now had a place in this world, that now she had a home with people who cared.

Kara still had her collar, and that helped, Cat knew. It helped, probably more than any of them could possibly realize, but it didn't mean that Kara wasn't slipping, wasn't hurting. It didn't mean that Kara wasn't suffering from the loss of contact.

It had happened more times since then, Kara forgetting to stay alive, to stay _present_ , and with increasing frequency, but there had been one good thing to come from it. After the first time it had happened, Cat had finally been allowed to see Kara again, not to touch her, not to break through that barrier of the cell, but she had been able to see her Kiera, and it had been almost as wonderful as it had been terrible.

Wonderful, because she needed the girl so much and was finally able to lay eyes on her again. Terrible, because she needed the girl so much and she still couldn't hold her in her arms.

Alex had been in the room with them as well, during that visit, but she had put headphones in and turned away, giving them as much privacy as possible. Truthfully, even if she hadn't, Cat was too overwhelmed by finally seeing Kara again to care if someone else was watching, but she still appreciated the thought, the trust.

 _"Kiera,"_ Cat had whispered, pressing her hands against the glass, her eyes moving over Kara's body to look for any sign that Kara was hurting. She knew the kryptonite was causing discomfort, but it was a dulling sensation, more than pain, and by now Kara would have adjusted to the feel. Even so, she couldn't help but search Kara's face for any hint that she was hurt.

Kara had rushed over to the cell wall as soon at Cat had appeared, almost stumbling as the kryptonite made her slow and clumsy, and she had fallen against the glass and pressed her own hands over Cat's, over the place where they could almost touch. They had just stood like that for a while, taking each other in. There were so many things they each wanted to say, so many things they would say, in a moment, but right in that instant they had just needed to be in each other's presence.

They had needed a minute to absorb and move past the hurt that this situation was causing them. For Cat, being without Kara, even for those few short weeks, it brought back memories of those first seventeen years, of those years where she had always been waiting for the girl to show up. During that time it hadn't seemed painful, the waiting had brought anticipation, hope, but now it was different. Now Cat couldn't help but look back on those years and feel her heart constrict, now Cat sometimes got nightmares about those years, and about waiting for Kara to show up, of waiting, and waiting, and waiting. And so Cat needed a minute to calm down, to let her heart stop racing when she was finally able to see the girl again, and Kara, well, Kara needed a moment as well, because her memories of those times they had been apart were just as painful, if not more so.

But finally, finally, they had been able to speak, and then they had talked for hours, Alex still standing in the corner with her back turned.

Kara had asked about Carter first, and had smiled longingly when Cat had told her about the science fair he had won. Kara probably already knew about it, Alex had gone with Cat to the event, after all, because she had helped Carter on his project, but Kara had still wanted to hear all about it again from Cat, her eyes gleaming with pride as Cat relayed what the judges had said about Carter before awarding him first prize.

And Cat had asked her how things were, both of them knowing things weren't all right, but Kara had told her about how hard everyone was trying. Kara had told her that Hank would come and play games with her, even though she could beat him at everything except Go by now, and even in that game, she was getting close.

Kara had told Cat about how Astra would come, flying in from Metropolis a little more often than usual in order to see Kara. Kara talked about how Astra was still calling her 'Little One,' and how the woman would spend hours regaling Kara with tales of her conquests, although most of those conquests seemed to involve Alex, and details that Kara really _didn't_ want to hear, but that Astra seemed to draw endless amusement from telling her. And Cat understood that, she and Astra were similar in that way, both of them enjoying doing things that would make their respective Danvers' partner blush in just that adorable, particular way. Cat understood it because now that Astra knew what Kara was… well there was nothing quite like the amusement one could harbor from watching shy embarrassment spread over the face of the Devil.

Kara had told Cat how the first thing Lucy had said to her, after everything had happened, was that she liked Kara's collar, and Cat had had to smile and roll her eyes at that, because of course that would be the thing Lucy latched onto. Kara had told Cat about the smirk that Lucy had given her when she had said that, and how, even though Lucy was clearly nervous, being in Kara's presence, she had still managed to make Kara squirm.

Kara had told Cat about all of those people, her family, but she hadn't talked about Alex, not really, she hadn't needed to. She hadn't needed to because Alex spent more time with Kara than anyone else, and Alex had also been going over to Cat's apartment more and more to give Cat frequent updates, even when there wasn't anything to update her on. But there was one thing that Cat had told Kara about Alex, she had told Kara about the conversation she had had with the woman regarding Kara's safety.

Alex had asked Cat if she needed to be worried about things like holy water or blessed bullets, insinuating that when this was all over, when Lord was captured, Alex would need to know if there were other dangers out in the world that she would need to protect the girl against. Insinuating that Kara _would_ be out in the world, again.

Cat had understood that worry, she had had it herself, early on, but Kara had reassured her, as Cat had then reassured Alex. Kara had even taken Cat to a church, once, had dipped her hand into the font of holy water in front of Cat, and, if Cat had had any lingering worries about Kara's safety around such things, what had happened next had driven those doubts from her mind.

It wasn't that holy things or sacred locations didn't have power, they did, to some small extent. But Kara, well, Kara had been the one to endow them with power to begin with, to allow that power to shine as a contrast to the darkness, so how could it hurt her when she was the one who had shaped it?

After Kara had dipped her hand into that holy water, Cat had carefully watched the next few people who had come in, watched an elderly man, his joints crippled with arthritis, suddenly move his fingers freely for what must have been the first time in years. Cat had watched a young woman, her face betraying how lost and worried she was about whatever was going on in her life, suddenly seem to grow with determination and resilience the moment her hand had come into contact with that water. And Cat had watched a young child, clearly bored and not happy about being in church when it was such a nice day outside, suddenly calm down, his face turning to look at the alter in wonder, as if the child, more open to the supernatural than adults, had directly felt the power in that font.

What Cat didn't say, to Alex or Kara, was how seeing that had made her sad, how seeing what Kara could do, but would never be given credit for, had made Cat want to rage against God. Cat had never told Kara this, although she knew Kara had guessed, but they had never openly talked about it. Kara had hinted, of course, saying little things to put Cat at ease, trying desperately to make Cat understand that none of this was her father's fault, that he had a policy never to interfere, and that, even if that policy had hurt her, Kara's fall had still been her own decision. And it had worked, too, over the years. It had worked because Kara's soft words had always had that ability to slowly drain away Cat's anger, but even so, when Cat was in a church, she couldn't fully suppress that twinge of guilt. She couldn't stop that slight anger, even when Kara was at her side, smiling, and taking in with pleasure the acts of kindness that the place inspired.

The guilt was especially bad when Cat had to attend a wedding, because it made her remember her own, because it made her think about how she had stood in a church, in front of God, and had agreed to marry her ex-husband. It wasn't the wedding, or the man himself that caused that guilt, no, it was the fact that when she had been saying her vows, some part of her had already been torn, had already wanted the Devil. It was the fact that she hadn't been able to stop herself from thinking, all through that ceremony, that in some small way, she was betraying her friend by taking such public vows in an institution that had cast the girl away.

And then there was the other reason she felt guilt in a church, the other reason, because even though she knew Kara was already hers, she still wanted others to know. Cat still wanted a wedding. She had been asked about that, over the last few years. People had asked if she was going to marry Kara, had asked why she hadn't done so already, and each time she had either ignored them, or had come up with some general answer about how they were deeply committed to each other and didn't feel the need for a church wedding.

But Cat did want to marry Kara, and, despite the fact that Kara clearly loved the atmosphere of a church, Cat could still see the hurt in the girl's eyes when they were there, the longing for something she could no longer have. And so Cat felt guilty that she craved something with the girl that would only remind her of what she had lost.

But Cat wasn't going to let that stop her, and she had been planning another type of wedding, one she had been carefully designing that would bring in elements of Kara's nature, without becoming openly religious.

She had spent months planning it, with Carter's help, months figuring out how to make it perfect. Carter would perform the ceremony, of course, that seemed obvious, but despite being an Angel, he wouldn't call on God to watch their union. No, instead he would call on Light, on the spirit of hope and love that Kara had created. Cat had written and rewritten the ceremony so many times by now, not wanting to propose until she had the lines perfect, and she had just gotten there, just settled on the final draft, when all of this had happened.

She had the ring, even, a simple silver band with a small, but beautiful sapphire. Maybe it wasn't the traditional diamond encrusted thing, but it was a ring that Kara would love. Blue was always Kara's color, a color that could be light enough to shine when hit by the sun, but still dark enough to capture swirling shadows. It was a color that was Kara, complex, beautiful, wonderful, in a way that a clear diamond was not. Cat was sure that people would wonder why it was so simple, why it wasn't an exorbitant amount of carats that someone of her status could easily afford, but Cat didn't care about those people, or the whispers it would cause when she didn't present the girl with something larger, more traditional. She didn't care, because Kara wouldn't want something too flashy, and because the ring wasn't for the gossip columnists, it was for Kara, for Kara and Cat.

The ring was currently hidden in plain sight, mixed in with Cat's own jewelry, someplace where, if Kara did used her x-ray vision by mistake, all she would see was another ring among many and not the special ring, not a ring for her. It was incredibly hard to keep things from the girl, but this, this Cat had worked extra hard on. She was going to make it perfect for Kara, of that, she was determined.

And then Lord had happened, and Cat hadn't gotten the opportunity to see that ring on Kara's finger.

Cat had been allowed to see Kara again, after that first visit. Not to touch her, of course, but once a week, and under supervision, the DEO had been letting Cat see her Kiera. And so Kara now had one more person to keep her company, but even so she still had long stretches where she was alone, because all of them had other time constraints, especially now that they no longer had Supergirl to help fight with them.

Sure, the DEO had survived long before Supergirl had shown up, but she had been an integral part of the operation for five years, and the cult had adjusted itself around her presence. Plus, there was also the fact that they had suddenly found themselves in the situation where they not only needed to pick up the slack, but where they actually had to devote extra time to covering up the fact that the girl was no longer in action.

Cat had played a large part in this, in hiding the news from the public. It was easier to pretend that Supergirl was still around, after all, than it was to hide the fact that Kara Danvers was missing. It was easier because Supergirl was an image, not someone with a regular job, not someone that people had grown accustomed to seeing next to them every day.

And they had to do it, pretend Supergirl was still saving people, because it was imperative that no one be able connect the fact that two women who looked surprisingly similar, who both had a relationship with Cat Grant, were both suddenly missing at the same time. And so, as far as anyone knew, Supergirl was still in action, although in a reduced capacity.

It wasn't actually Supergirl, of course, but it was working. The DEO would rush in to take care of a situation, and then, once contained, a carefully staged photograph would make it appear as if National City's favorite superhero was still free. All they had to do was put another DEO agent in the costume and a wig, and then take photos of her from the back or side, or from a distance where her face was obscured.

Hiding the fact that Kara was missing had been harder, for all that Kara was less of a public figure. It had been harder because people knew Kara, people who didn't know her secret identity. Her colleagues had noticed when she stopped showing up for work, and of course the paparazzi had noticed when Cat had started to show up to events alone.

Officially, Kara was off taking care of a sick parent. That had been the easy solution, what with the whole human identity being a carefully constructed lie, after all, it hadn't been hard to throw a new family member into the mix. And so officially, there was nothing wrong with her. Officially, she wasn't locked up in a cell in a cult stronghold.

Officially, Kara Danvers was a normal human, taking care of a normal, human life event.

But officially didn't keep the sharks from circling. It didn't stop the gossip columnists, who, until recently, had for the most part fallen silent about their relationship, from starting to wonder if Cat Grant had finally driven the girl away. It had been tentative, at first, the suggestion, tentative because everyone in media, or outside of it, for that matter, everyone was terrified of getting on the wrong side of Cat Grant, but as one month turned into three, and still Kara hadn't returned, those tentative inquiries were getting stronger.

Cat would have to do something about that, soon. She would have to do something before someone started to question where Kara's family was, before someone tried to track the girl down in earnest. She would have to do something before people started to wonder if maybe, Kara wasn't just with her family, but was actually missing. She supposed they would have to pull a similar stunt to what they had done for Supergirl, that there would have to be discrete shots of someone who looked like Kara entering and exiting her apartment, and that Cat would have to pose with someone from a distance.

And the thought of that made her stomach roll.

She knew it was important to keep up the lies, to hide what was going on, especially since they still hadn't found Lord. It was important because, while he may have found out what the 'S' stood for, and how to perform a summons, that didn't mean he knew about Supergirl's civilian identity. It was important because if he found that out, well, Cat didn't know what he would do with that information, but she assumed that it wouldn't be good. But even though Cat knew all of that, understood it, that didn't mean that she had to like this, like the idea of someone else pretending to be Kara. She didn't have to like the idea of having to hold someone else's hand, of having to wrap her arm around a woman who wasn't her Kiera, even if it would only be for a moment, just long enough to capture a photo. She would do it, of course she would, but that didn't mean that it wouldn't bother her.

There was another thing that bothered her as well, something she hadn't really considered before. And that was the fact that no one seemed to be asking questions about Kara Danvers, no, they were all asking questions about Cat Grant's partner. It bothered her because if people had realized that Supergirl was missing, they would all have been looking for her, by name, even if that name was a title. They would be asking about Supergirl, but Kara? Well, Kara could go missing and people only seemed to want to know what had happened Cat's 'plus one.'

It bothered Cat because, even though she knew that Kara did have other people that cared about her, and that those people were all aware of the situation and so weren't searching for the girl, it bothered Cat that the regular public didn't know, or acknowledge how special Kara was. It bothered her that people didn't understand just how amazing the girl really was in her own right, and not just because she shared Cat's bed.

Intrinsically, Cat knew that this would happen with almost anyone the Queen of All Media dated. In fact, it had happened with her ex-husband, and their divorce had been reported almost exclusively as a story about Cat Grant breaking up with said ex, with his name only ever mentioned as an afterthought, if at all. Be he hadn't been as important as Kara, and so the skewed focus hadn't really upset her, before.

It hadn't bothered her the way it did now, but at least the ignorance, the failure to grasp the importance of Kara Danvers, at least that was making it easier for Cat to control the story. At least it meant that people were only searching for Kara through her, at the moment, and that was something she could direct and manipulate the keep the truth at bay.

The ring of her doorbell pulled Cat out of her thoughts, forcing her to rise from her still sleep-addled state, to brush off the exhaustion that had come from yet another night of restless slumber without Kara at her side. It took her only a moment to make herself presentable because she knew that whoever was disturbing her at this time of day had to be someone she was friends with, and so presentable only entailed slipping on a robe and running her hands half-heartedly through her hair before she was ready.

"Alex," she greeted, opening the door to see the grinning woman, and before she could say anything else Alex was already barging in, pushing past her and ignoring Cat's pointed glare at the behavior.

"Here, I brought this for you!" Alex sounded excited, and, as Cat's eyes fell on the badge in the woman's hands, she felt her own annoyance at the early morning intrusion drop away.

"Is that…?"

"Yes, a security badge. This will get you into see Kara anytime you want," Cat's fingers were trembling as she reached for it, but at Alex's next words, her hand froze, her heart beating wildly in her chest, "it will even open her cell, Cat. It will let you go inside."

As Alex's words sunk in, Cat felt a sharp ache in her chest, a longing that she had been struggling so hard to suppress, but that now, when the door had been opened, when the possibility had been presented, she could no longer push back. She was going to get to hold Kara again, kiss her, run her hand's through her hair…

She was going to be able to feel her Kiera in her arms, again, and know, truly _know_ , that Kara was safe.

"Alex…" she couldn't finish her sentence, there were no words to express how much this meant, but Alex understood. Cat was still frozen, her fingers hovering above the badge, but now Alex moved, pressing it into Cat's hands and folding Cat's fingers around the object.

"I wish we could have done this sooner, Cat. All of us wanted to, you know we did, you know we want to trust her, but…"

"You had to be careful," Cat finished for her, tightening her grip around the badge, her knuckles turning white as she pulled her hand back and clutched it to her chest. "What changed?"

Alex shook her head, "nothing changed, not really, and that's the whole point. We haven't been able to find Lord, and we can all see what being alone so much, being away from you, is doing to her. It's been three months, and the situation hasn't changed, but it's also been over five years, closer to six, now, and we can't ignore that."

Cat drew in a shaky breath, a smile spreading over her lips as she heard that, heard the acceptance in Alex's voice. They had just needed time, she had known that, time to let it sink in, but she hadn't expected that it would happen this soon. It didn't feel like it was soon, to her, but logically she knew that three months, when you considered the ramifications of this decision, three months was nothing.

"Plus," and now Alex's voice had dropped her serious edge, becoming playful in a way that Cat knew meant that the other woman didn't really believe the darker suggestion in her next words, "in the long run, what chance do any of us stand against her, really? If she does have some sinister plan, then keeping her locked up for a few more months, or years, even, will probably all prove meaningless in the end. It's not like she can't just try again in a few hundred years."

Cat had to laugh at that, because yes, they did currently have Kara locked up, yes they had her restrained, but she was the Devil, after all. In the end, Kara was far more powerful than any of them, and in the vast expanse of her immortal existence, anything they did to stop an evil plot now would hardly matter.

"Don't worry, Alex. If Kara does decide that she wants to destroy the world, I'm sure I can find _some_ way of distracting her, especially now that I can touch her, again."

Alex groaned and Cat could just make out the muttered, "I don't want to know, I don't want to know," under her breath as she buried her face in her hands.

Cat hugged Alex then, it was unusual for her, to hug someone that wasn't Kara or Carter, but she did it anyway, and, after a brief moment of surprise, Alex returned the embrace. It lasted only a moment, but Cat used that moment to express all of her gratitude for what Alex was doing, to share all of the fear that she had been feeling, that Kara would continue to be kept from her, and to show all of the joy that this one, small gift had brought to her. Cat hugged Alex and thanked her for giving her back her everything. And then the moment was over, and Cat pulled back, regaining her composure before saying goodbye to Alex as the other woman turned to leave with one last, knowing smile.

Cat wasted no time in getting dressed after that, rushing through her morning ritual so she could go to Kara's side. She let Carter sleep in, leaving a note, before slipping out the door, almost humming with anticipation. She would bring him to visit Kara later, now that she had her own pass. They could try to stop her from doing that, from bringing Carter, although she didn't think they would, but for right now, this first time, she needed to see Kara alone.

She was just pulling out the keys to her car when she felt it, the sharp jab of a needle in the back of her neck. She had just one moment as her vision went hazy, as her legs gave out from under her, one moment where she struggled to comprehend what was happening, where her mind assured her that this was fine, that she was fine, and that nothing was wrong. One moment where she contemplated that even _if_ something was wrong, someone would appear to save her, but then the blurry face of Maxwell Lord, grinning and insane, swam into her vision, and she knew it was already too late.

As Cat's world sunk into darkness she used the last of her strength to try and scream Kara's name, but in her haze, she couldn't be sure if any sound at all managed to escape her lips.

And then the world closed in around her, and Cat was lost.


	9. Chapter 9

Kara screamed, her wings erupting from her back as she threw herself against the side of her cell. She was far too weak to make even the smallest crack in the glass, let alone actually escape, but she didn't stop.

She didn't stop smashing her body against the glass even as blood began to well down the side of her face, dripping from a self-inflicted wound on her temple. She didn't stop even when, in response to alarms that had sounded the moment she had gone out of control, Hank and Lucy rushed into the room, their eyes wide and panic-stricken. She didn't stop even as she knew that her behavior, coupled with the overwhelming sight of her with her wings spread out behind her, would probably destroy all the trust that she had worked so hard to gain back.

She didn't stop because she wasn't thinking clearly enough _to_ stop. She hadn't been thinking clearly since the moment she had heard Cat call her name.

Well, heard was the wrong word, actually, but she had felt it, had felt the surprise and fear. Kara couldn't normally feel Cat, but as a residual part of their first bond, the first time Cat had summoned the Devil, sometimes when the other woman reached for her now, as long as there was a strong intent behind it, the call would still resonate down their connection and make its way into Kara's mind.

The first time Cat had ever done that had been a complete accident. Kara had simply been a little slow getting home after a training session at the DEO, even though Cat had told her to be home early because Carter was spending the night with a friend. Cat had made a point about how they had the whole apartment to themselves, the whole apartment and so very many surfaces to explore, but despite Kara's best intentions, the training session had gotten a little carried away and she had been late. Which was when a frustrated, hungry Cat had growled out Kara's name while pacing back and forth in the empty apartment and Kara had _heard_ the call. She had arrived home less than three minutes later.

The second time hadn't been an accident by any stretch of the imagination. That time Cat had been away on a business trip, and, feeling mischievous, she had decided to do something to alleviate her late night boredom. After a quick scan of the alert on her phone, something Alex had set up to let her know when Supergirl was in action, to confirm that Kara wasn't in the middle of saving some desperate family, Cat had thrown open the large windows in the bedroom of the hotel and had decided to try calling Kara again, although this time with a very different tone.

That was the experiment that had proved that Kara couldn't just hear Cat's call, but that she could also hear the emotion behind it. They had found that out because, after several minutes of moaning Kara's name in just _that_ way, Cat had let out a particularly intense cry, and, a moment later a disheveled Kara had arrived, completely missing the open window and crashing straight through the wall. When the dust cleared Kara had had to bashfully explain to Cat that the reason she was covered in grass, and dirt, and was dripping all over the floor was because she had crashed three times on the way, each time coinciding with a moment that Cat had found particularly… stimulating.

After they had finished explaining away the damage to the hotel, a very smug Cat had spent a great deal of time showing Kara just what, exactly, she had been thinking about during each of those moments. By the time Cat was finally done Kara hadn't been able to move, despite her superpowers, and she had decided that it had definitely been worth the damage she had done to the nice grassy field, and the side of a mountain, and the number of fish she had scared on each of her respective impromptu landings.

But this time, this call hadn't been like either of those. Cat had been scared, possibly hurt, and she had called for Kara to come and save her. Cat had called for her Kiera, and Kara knew that she needed to get to her human.

Kara needed to go to Cat.

"Cat!" she screamed, throwing herself into the wall again. "Let me go, I need Cat! Let me out!"

And then her scream shifted from emotional pain into physical pain as electricity shot through the metal floor of her cell. She had forgotten about that safety feature. It had been added after the first time she had stopped breathing. Normally, when a prisoner got out of control, the DEO would just release a gas to sedate said prisoner, but Kara didn't need to breathe, not if she didn't want to, or didn't remember to, and so another option had been needed. The second idea had been to use kryptonite darts, but that idea had had a similar problem, i.e., that Kara didn't need her heart to beat. If she was given an injection all she would have to do would be to stop the flow of her blood to render the dart pretty much useless. And so this had been the third plan, electricity.

None of them, Hank, or Alex, or Lucy, or Astra, had been happy about that. None of them had wanted to do it, add a feature that would hurt her before knocking her out, but Kara had reassured them that she understood, and that it was ok. Truthfully, she thought her own acceptance and reassurance had actually made them feel worse, but she hadn't known what else to do because she did understand, and she didn't hold it against them. Now, however, as she fought against the current that was threatening to drag her under, now she raged against that decision.

She raged and struggled and refused to give in.

With the amount of kryptonite she was exposed to in the cell, along with the damage she had already done to herself by throwing herself against the wall, she should have fallen easily. She should have, but Cat was in danger, and that was all that mattered. And so instead she fought back against the harmful current coursing through her body. She fought against it once, still screaming for Cat, twice, as she fell to her knees and called for her human, three times, as all she managed was a weak whisper. Three times, but then the darkness closed over her and, like the subject of the name on her lips, she fell into unconsciousness.

/

This had started out as such a good day. It had started with Alex finally getting the security pass for Cat, it had started with the knowledge that Kara was going to get a reprieve from the pain the lack of contact was causing her, and it had started with Alex getting some of that contact for herself, getting a hug.

It had started out as such a good day.

Alex wasn't big on physical affection, unless it was from Kara of course, because how could you say no to a hug from a large, over-exuberant golden retriever? Even if said retriever then turned out to be slightly (ok, more than _slightly_ ) demonic, it was still the same adorable self, and so no, you couldn't help but love all the excessive hugs, and cuddles, and whatever else Kara felt like bestowing at any given moment. And so Alex enjoyed receiving hugs from Kara, but when it came to other people, Alex tended to hold back.

Alex held back, maintaining her cool, aloof persona, with everyone else, even with Astra. Oh sure, there was plenty of physical contact with that woman, but for the most part the hugs and cuddles were always initiated by Astra, not Alex, and Alex only allowed them begrudgingly. And, if she secretly liked the feel of Astra curled around her at night, or if maybe her threats against the other woman, when Astra insisted on wrapping her arm around her in public, were clearly half-hearted, well, Alex still had a glare that meant that no one ever brought it up with her.

And so _maybe_ Alex did occasionally like to receive signs of affection from other people, but for the most part she tended to shy away, and she had never expected to receive anything more than a hand on her back, or a firm grip on her arm, from Cat Grant. That was partially due to the fact that, like Alex, Cat was also less than forthcoming when it came to such shows of affection. She was very open with her physical affection for Kara and Carter, but she never lowered herself show such clear affection for anyone else, if she could help it. She was Cat Grant, and she was always in charge, always on top, always, just… just Cat freaking Grant.

Alex did know that Cat liked her, even if the other woman didn't show it easily, but some part of Alex had always wanted a clear confirmation. It was backwards, she knew. Normally, the partner would be the one striving to impress the sister-figure, rather than the other way around, but when it came to Cat and Kara, Alex had always felt like she needed to be the one to make an impression on Cat.

Alex still didn't know too many details about what Kara's existence had been like before she had come into Cat's life, but Kara had given enough away that Alex knew that Cat had saved her. Alex knew that somehow, Cat had given Kara something that surpassed Alex's own ability to understand, and, as the weeks of Kara's captivity turned into months, and Alex got used to the sight of Kara as the Devil, her fierce need to protect the immortal, and yet ever so fragile girl, had only grown. Alex knew that Cat had saved Kara from something, and it was something that had set the standard, that something that Alex would never be able to match, not that Kara was asking her to. She knew she wouldn't ever be able to equal Cat, but rather than feeling jealous, or angry, it only made her more in awe of Cat, in awe and thankful that this woman had helped, saved, protected, Kara. It made Alex want to repay that, want to thank Cat for bringing Kara into her life. And so when Cat had hugged Alex, basically admitting that she saw Alex as worthy of her care, it had made Alex happy in a way that such gestures rarely ever did.

She had still been on a high from that right up until the moment she had pulled into the DEO, shut off her engine, and glanced down at her phone. She had still been on a high right up until she had opened a text from Cat, only to discover that it wasn't from Cat at all, although it had been sent from the woman's phone. She had still been on a high right up until that high had dissolved into fear as her eyes took in the image of an unconscious Cat, Maxwell Lord's smiling face, and the caption:

 _"Tell your sister I'll be waiting."_

Alex's phone had rung a minute later and she picked up the call from Lucy even as she was already slamming her car into reverse and racing back the way she had come. And, if somehow any of her high had remained, the sound of Kara's screams, clearly audible over Lucy's voice, reduced that high to not just a memory, but to something that was completely erased from her mind.

Cat had saved Kara, something that Alex desperately wanted to repay, but, even though Alex had been there, in Cat's apartment minutes ago, Alex still hadn't been able to save Cat. Alex hadn't been able to save Cat and now, in this moment, she couldn't even save Kara. All she could do was listen in silent agony as she heard the scream change from panic to hurt when the first shock of electricity tore through Kara's body. Alex could only close her eyes briefly, as she was stopped at a light, when she heard the sound of Kara's voice change yet again as the second bolt hit, and Alex could do nothing but feel guilty relief when the third current arrived, when Kara's voice finally when quiet, and Lucy informed her that Kara was down.

And then Alex had been with Carter, and somehow the boy had demanded to be taken to Kara in such a strong, authoritative voice, that Alex had found herself giving in, almost without thought. She had wanted to question how much Carter knew, but there had been something in his tone that had answered for her. Carter knew everything, which meant that right now, without Cat, he was the authority on Kara, and so Alex had brought him to the DEO.

Today had started out as such a good day, but now…

Now she was standing with Carter in front of Kara's cell. Hank and Lucy had left to run the investigation, Astra was still flying in, and so it was just Alex and Carter in the room. And if Alex had ever thought that she had gotten over the sight of Kara like this, without her illusion, now she knew that she had been so very wrong.

Carter had moved forward to lean against the glass for a closer look, but Alex had once again been brought to a frozen standstill by the sight of the girl. Alex could only stare down at the crumpled figure on the floor of the cell, her hands bawling into angry fists as she took in the sight of the blood on Kara's face and the side of the cell. She felt so helpless and angry, seeing that blood, seeing the unconscious woman. She felt like she wanted something to hit, like she wanted to let her rage boil over. She felt on the verge of losing control, even as she also felt like she wanted to cry, wanted to collapse into herself, wanted to just pause to take in how very overpowering Kara was like this. How beyond comprehension Kara seemed to be, more so than ever before, with those wings that were more than black, more than beautiful, just, more than anything.

"Open the door, I'm going in," Carter broke her trance, her almost reverence of Kara, even as his voice, for the second time that day, pulled her into a different sort of trance, one where she found herself moving instantly to comply.

At first she had just thought it was the command that came from being a Grant, but now she wondered if it was something more. His voice almost seemed to have a power in it, one that she knew she would be able to resist, if she wanted to, but that instead she found herself wanting to trust without question. And so Alex placed her badge against the scanner and the door slid open.

Carter started to move forward, but he paused, halting just outside of the door as he turned back towards her.

"I'm going to calm her down, and then, when we're ready, when there's a plan to get my mom back, you're going to let Kara go," and while Alex had given in easily on the first demands, this she could not allow, even when it was said in that voice. She couldn't allow it because, as powerful as his voice was, the sight of a broken Kara was still stronger. She opened her mouth to protest, but Carter cut her off, "you are going to listen to me on this, Alex. This isn't just about my mother, and you know it. If something happens to her, you know what happens to Kara, don't you?"

And suddenly it hit her and her mouth snapped shut. Because of course, Kara had told her that, it was one of the things that Kara had explained in more detail over the past few months. Kara had explained her bond with Cat, explained that she was tied here because of Cat, and if Cat…

"If Cat dies, Kara goes back to Hell. Kara was always going to go back to Hell, eventually, but it doesn't have to be now, not so soon. Has she told you anything about that place, Alex? Do you have any idea what it's like for her there? And how much worse it will be now, after she has had all of this?" He still hadn't moved further into the cell, his authoritative tone letting her know that he wasn't going to continue until he had her compliance.

"She hasn't said, but… she's the ruler of Hell, it can't be… not if Kara's…" she was floundering because this was something Kara hadn't talked about, and something Alex hadn't wanted to ask.

"You don't know, do you? Of course not. You didn't ask, and she didn't offer because she didn't want you to be hurt by that knowledge," Alex felt a flush of shame at that, because Kara was always protecting everyone. She had been working up the nerve to ask, but she hadn't been there yet, hadn't been able to raise the question because she knew the answer would be yet another thing she couldn't protect Kara from.

"But she told you?" It slipped out as almost an accusation, and she internally cringed at the sound of her petulant tone, even as she couldn't stop herself from speaking further, "if it was so terrible, I find it hard to believe that she would have told you about it, that she wouldn't have tried to protect you the same way." She didn't mean to talk to Carter this way, she loved him, but she was only human, and it still hurt when she realized how much more other people knew about Kara than her.

"Do you remember the day you all found out about her? Do you remember how, right before the guns went off, you saw Cat looking at something out on the balcony?"

"Carter, how-?" Had Cat told him all of that? Told him about Kara's capture in such detail?

"Did you really think that Heaven would let this, whatever this is with Kara, play out without sending someone to observe?" And here Carter arched an eyebrow in an expression that looked so very much like Cat. "They wouldn't let me step in before, my mom and Kara, but I won't hold back anymore. I am not going to let anything happen to either of them, if I can help it. Maybe I'm not nearly powerful enough to do something like Supergirl, but I can wake Kara up, and I can calm her down. I am going to do that, and then, later after you've found Cat, I am going to make sure that you let Kara go. I'm going to do what I can to protect my family."

"Carter, what are you saying?" Alex felt her head spin at his words, at what they implied. Of course she remembered that day, and she had found herself wondering about that glance many times, she had even asked Cat about it, once, but she had never gotten an answer. And now, Carter's words, what he was suggesting…

And then for the second time that day, Alex saw wings.

/

Cat was calling for her and Kara couldn't move. She could hear Cat's voice, sometimes it was screaming, other times it was pleading, and yet other times it was even twisted with anger. In those instances it was yelling at Kara for abandoning her, for not being there to protect her, it was telling Kara that something had happened to Cat, and that it was all Kara's fault.

Kara didn't know what had happened, if it was related to her existence as Supergirl, but even if it wasn't, it was still her fault. It was her fault because she wasn't there to protect her human. She was trying, desperately, unendingly, trying, but somehow the eternity of her existence in Hell seemed like nothing compared to this eternity of hearing Cat scream for her, and not being able to move.

The eternity of hearing Cat call, and not being able to go to the other woman.

Kara struggled to move, to see Cat, but shadows swirled around her, blocking out everything but that voice. They wrapped around her arms and legs, holding her down, betraying her when for eons they had obeyed her. She tried to reach for them, just as she had after that first night she had spent in Cat's bed, she tried to command them, control them, but, once again, her shadows refused to listen.

Was there anything she could do? She wondered? Yes, she needed to shed this body, undo the changes that had been wrought upon her when she had been bound to this reality. Was that possible? She hadn't thought so before, but she hadn't had enough incentive to try. If she did, she would lose this life, but she wouldn't lose Cat. She wouldn't lose Cat because her shadows would obey her again and she could go to Cat, all she would need was a moment where Cat was alone, and then she could appear before the other woman. Cat could make another deal with her, could ask Kara to save her, and Kara could whisk her away from danger. Cat could even ask for her to go back to being Supergirl… no, that wouldn't work. Kara could shift reality, when she was at her full power, yes, but in that true, complete form, she herself was outside of reality, and so she could only change her appearance, not her nature. But Cat could still ask Kara to save her, and Kara would.

And then… then Cat could just take her again, just remake her into Supergirl once more. That would work, wouldn't it? It would work twice.

 _"No, it won't,"_ something whispered in her mind. _"It won't work twice, Kal-El won't let it happen."_

And she knew that was true. He would let her go to Cat and save her, he wouldn't be able to stop that, their bond was already too strong, but the moment she tried to bind herself to Cat again, to this reality again, Kal-El would interfere. She _was_ stronger than him, even if by only a little, she could fight him, but she couldn't win without hurting him. And she could never do that, purposely hurt someone she loved, not if Cat was already safe, not if Cat was no longer in danger.

 _"They can just summon you as well, Alex, and Astra, and Hank, and Lucy. They can call you back to them,"_ another thought, one that was also dismissed just as quickly. She dismissed it because she knew that she wouldn't respond to a summons from anyone other than Cat, not anyone who had known her as Kara, or Supergirl, at least. She wouldn't respond because she didn't know how much Heaven would let her get away with, not once she was back in her original form. They had let her off easy this time, sending Carter to watch over her and Cat, not harming Cat, but what would they do once they got her back where she belonged, and she kept trying to defy the status quo by attempting to form new bonds, to continue her other relationship? Would Kal-El finally decide that keeping her down was worth a few human lives? He might.

He might be willing to become the Angel of Death to keep the Devil at bay.

So no, she wouldn't be able to come back as Kara Danvers, she wouldn't ever be able to appear in front of anyone other than Cat and Carter again, but it didn't matter. None of that mattered. Only Cat mattered.

And right now Cat needed her, and Kara still couldn't move. She didn't have enough power, but if she could just… if she could just find a way to destroy this version of herself, she could go save Cat.

"Kara," the voice drifted into her nightmares, and the restraining shadows that surrounded her were replaced by the feel of someone else's soft wings against her skin.

"Kara, wake up," the voice, Carter, she realized, called to her once again, and now a new sort of fear set in. She still couldn't wake up, but she could _feel_ his presence, his full presence, which meant that he had revealed himself.

Which meant that now Carter was in danger as well.

His power reached out to her, seeping into her mind, her body, and it gave her just enough strength to force herself out of her nightmare, even as waking up only brought her into a different one.

"Carter," the panic was clear in her voice, even as she struggled to make her body move. He was kneeling next to her, and his wings were out, surrounding them both in a comforting fold. She tried to move, she _needed_ to move. She needed to push him behind her. Sure, aside from the paleness of his face from the kryptonite, he didn't seem hurt, and she trusted her family here at the DEO, but when it came to Cat and Carter, some part of her would always fear for their safety, would always fear the worst.

And she was afraid for Carter now because what if someone else had found out? Someone had found out about her, and so what if Carter was here because other people had figured it out? What if Carter was here because whatever had happened to Cat, had happened to her other friends, and the person who had let Carter in here was someone new, someone she didn't trust, what if…

"It's just Alex here, Kara, calm down. It's just you, and me, and Alex. No one else knows about me. I'm fine, I promise you," as he spoke, his hand rested briefly on her cheek, stroking her face in a gentle movement to wipe away some of the dried blood.

And then Alex was at her side as well, reaching out to touch her, her eyes slightly wide in wonder.

"Just me," Alex reassured her, pulling a still limp Kara into her lap, moving awkwardly around her wings. "Just me, Kara, you're safe, Carter's safe, it's just me."

Kara felt relief wash over her, Alex would keep Carter safe, Alex would protect her Angel. That relief couldn't counteract her overall fear however, because Cat was still missing, Cat might be hurt, and Kara still couldn't move.

"Cat," she whispered weakly, "Cat needs me, Cat…" she shifted her gaze towards the open door of her cell.

"Lord took her," and at those words Kara felt her overwhelming panic from before begin to return, Carter's presence had given her something different to focus on, something to push through the chaos and make her _think_ again, but if Lord had Cat… sensing her rising anxiety, Alex held her tighter, "in a minute, Kara. I know you want to blindly run to her, but I can't let you do that. What do you think happens to Cat when he gets you? Do you think he'll just let her go?"

"I-," but Kara knew that Alex was right. Cat was in danger, and Kara couldn't protect her. Cat was in danger, and Kara would just be walking into a trap.

And then she heard it, she heard Cat scream _again_ , and this time it wasn't just an uncertain, fearful cry, or a made up call in Kara's dreams, no this time Cat was in pain, Cat was hurting, and Kara was out of time.

Kara's eyes fell on Carter. She hated to ask this of him, but even if Alex was planning on letting her out eventually, that eventually wasn't this instant, and Kara didn't have time waste, not now, not after what she had heard in that call. Whether or not it was a trap didn't matter anymore, she needed to get out of here. She needed to be able to move, just a few feet, just to the door of her cell, just far enough that the kryptonite would lose its hold over her.

"Carter," gasped out the name, her voice twisted with urgency and need.

Kara could just take the power through their physical contact, could take it with just a thought because she was still an Angel, after all, even if she was a fallen one, and she was many times more powerful than he was. She could, but she wouldn't. She wouldn't betray his trust in her like that, not even to save Cat.

"Please, Carter, there's no more _time_!"

His eyes widened in realization, and then a moment later power was pouring into her, more power than he had used to wake her up. It wasn't much, and if the door of the cell hadn't been open, lessening the overall effect of the kryptonite, he wouldn't even have had that much, but it was enough.

"Go!" He yelled, slumping over into a surprised and confused Alex, but Kara was already gone.

/

 _"Maybe she didn't hear,"_ was Cat's first, hopeful thought when she regained consciousness, _"maybe she didn't hear me call."_

She shouldn't have done it, screamed for Kara, because even without sound if her intent had been strong enough, then Kara would have heard. And it had been, strong enough that is, it had been and so Cat knew Kara had heard, even as she desperately wanted to believe that the girl hadn't.

But it was a false belief because Cat _had_ meant it, and Kara _had_ heard.

Which meant that right now Kara knew that Cat was in danger, and she would be hurting herself trying to get to Cat. And Cat didn't want that, she didn't want Kara to come save her, because Maxwell Lord was the one who had taken her, and she did not want to be the reason that that man also managed to capture her Kiera.

The DEO would come looking, and she did want that, but she hoped they would keep Kara locked up. She even hoped that they would sedate Kara, even as the thought of just how they would have to do that, of the electric shocks, made her feel sick. But a few shocks would still be better than whatever Lord would do to Kara if he got ahold of her, and so hopefully Kara would sleep through all of this, hopefully…

"I know you're awake," Cat suppressed a shudder as the man's voice cut into her thoughts, opting instead to open her eyes and fix him with a demeaning glare. The effect was slightly lessoned by the fact that she was handcuffed to a chair, physically helpless, but her gaze was still strong enough that Lord was the one to look away first.

"Congratulations, Matt," she drawled, in what she hoped was a disinterested tone, enjoying the way his lip twitched when she used the wrong name, "you're a ruined mess of a man, but at least you can tell when someone is awake." He glowered at her, but she ignored the warning signs, barreling on in an attempt to replace her own fear with a false sense of bravado, to take back _some_ control over the situation. "That's a vital skill to have, Mark, you must feel so very proud of yourself… all those times people who fall asleep when you're talking, it must feel good to know that that you actually have inspired that level of boredom, instead of having to struggle with the doubt of wondering if they are just pretending."

He snarled at her then, moving forward so fast that she couldn't keep herself from flinching back, inwardly cursing the sign of weakness.

"I wouldn't be acting so high and mighty if I were you, Cat. The only reason you're still alive is because I need you as bait to lure your little toy here. She will come for you, won't she?" His voice was harsh, strung out and filled with barely-contained tension.

Cat could see the madness in his eyes now, it was impossible not to when his face was inches from her own, and suddenly she regretted her earlier words and demeanor. If it was just about her, well then, she would have no reservations at giving him her full wrath, but it wasn't about her, not really.

It was about Kara. It was about the fact that Maxwell Lord wanted to capture Kara, wanted to destroy her, even as he didn't truly understand what would ultimately hurt the girl the most. He had fallen over the edge of sanity long ago, and if Cat pushed him now, even though his current plan required her to be alive, he would snap and kill her anyway. Cat wasn't afraid of dying, not really. She wasn't afraid because she knew Kara would be there waiting for her. She knew that all she had to do was find the gate to Hell, and Kara would still be hers, but even so, it was too soon.

It was too soon because, even if Kara would be happy with just Cat for all of eternity, after spending so much time alone, Cat wanted to give Kara the fullest life she possibility could. She wanted to see the look on Kara's face when she finally proposed, when she showed Kara the wedding ceremony she had written out. She wanted to be there, holding Kara's hand when the girl won her first major journalism award, something that would happen soon, of that Cat was sure. She wanted to watch Kara's face scrunch in adorable confusion as Cat grew older and started to complain about joint pain, because as uncomfortable as that would be for Cat, it would still amuse her to see Kara struggle to comprehend the discomfort. She wanted to watch Kara cry with pride when Carter graduated high school, and then college, she wanted…

She wanted to watch Carter grow up with Kara, because even though Cat would follow Kara to Hell, neither of them would ask, or want, Carter to do that. And so Cat needed to do whatever she had to, whatever was needed to do to make sure that Kara had the chance to be a part of their son's life, for as long as was remotely possible. It wasn't that Cat didn't want those things for herself as well, because she did, but Kara was more important.

Kara would always be more important.

She hadn't spent much time thinking about this before, about her own safety, and what that would mean for Kara. Of course she knew what her death would mean, but, like most people, she had just assumed that she would meet her eventual end after a long life. And so before now she hadn't put much thought into any of her risk taking actions. She had base jumped off of Mt. Kilimanjaro, printed stories about powerful people that could potentially put her at risk, and, perhaps most dangerous of all, she had even eaten a greasy mess of _something_ from a street vendor at Carter's insistence a few years ago. All of those things were potentially life threatening, but she had done them anyway, and each time, she had risked Kara. She had risked Kara those times, but right now she had to do whatever she could to keep Kara safe, even if it meant betraying her own nature. Lord was insane, and it would be hard to read him, to know how to keep him calm, but she had to try.

Cat briefly ran through her options. She could try denying her connection to Kara, or suggest to Lord that Kara wasn't who he thought she was, which might work if the man was still sane, but she doubted it would work on him now. Instead, her denial would only make him angrier, and she had done a good enough job upsetting him already. Upsetting people with just a few words was something of a specialty of hers, but right now, it was not the right approach. And so she had to play along with the idea that Kara would come, even as she hoped that the girl wouldn't, that the DEO would come instead. The DEO might not have been able to find Lord before, but now they had a starting point that wasn't years old. Now they knew he was in the vicinity, and Cat trusted their skill.

And so she had to stall, even if that meant admitting to Lord that he had been right. Cat gritted her teeth and glared at the man, she wouldn't be openly combative, but that didn't mean that she had to be complacent. He was expecting her to fight back, after all, he knew her reputation, and not giving him some of what he expected would only serve to put him further on edge. She needed to find that line and walk in carefully, or it wouldn't just be her life that was forfeit.

"Of course she'll come for me," Cat raised her chin a little, meeting his gaze unhesitatingly, trying to sound certain.

She felt slimy, speaking those words, felt as if she was dangling Kara out as bait, even as she was the one who was actually the bait. She gave Kara away, and hated the way his eyes lit up in response, the way his delighted laugh echoed through the room, sending shivers down her spine.

"Just you wait, she'll come, she always comes back to me," guilt blossomed in her chest as she spoke, but her words did the trick, and a moment later Lord was retreating to the far side of the room, pacing back and forth, his hands waving excitedly in the air as if to accompany some inner dialogue as he ignored her.

Several hours passed like that, Lord ranting to himself, Cat trying not to draw attention, but as the time passed, and still Kara didn't come, Lord's behavior started to become increasingly erratic. Finally, after a particularly long-winded rant, about what, she wasn't sure, he whirled on her again and she started to feel that maybe it was already too late.

Like maybe he was too close to the edge already, and there was nothing she could do to hold him back.

"Call her," he snarled, "I know you did something to stop me from summoning her three months ago, obviously you have some power over her, so call her!"

"She's locked in the DEO, you'll have to wait for them to let her go," she tried to stay calm, even as he stalked closer to her, his eyes casting about with nervous, excited energy.

"Call her!"

"She's lock-" the slap took her by surprise, snapping her head to the side and leaving the metallic taste of blood in her mouth from where her teeth had scraped against her inner cheek.

"Call her!"

Cat hesitated for only a moment more before she opened her mouth and softly called Kara's name. She called for her demon, but by 'Kara,' not 'Kiera' and without any intent, without any power.

A happy, delusional grin replaced the anger on Lord's face and Cat breathed a small sigh of relief because it had worked, the show had appeased him. Her relief was quickly replaced by a constricting, apprehensive feeling in her chest, however, because, even if it had worked, it was only temporary, and each time she gave him what he wanted, and still Kara didn't come, his fuse would only grow shorter.

Yes, it had worked, but for how long?

The answer to that question turned out to be a little over an hour, a little over an hour of pacing, and growing madness, driven to new heights by anticipation, before he was once again in her face.

"Do it again!"

She did, but this time his pacing lasted less than twenty minutes. She was running out of time. _Kara_ was running out of time.

"Again!"

His eyes widened in realization when she called Kara's name for a third time, and Cat's heart sank. A moment later Cat felt a hand around her throat, not squeezing, but applying just enough pressure to make the threat clear.

"That's the wrong name, isn't it? I'm done extensive research on you two, and you never call her that," his eyes bore into her, painfully attempting to dig the secrets from her mind, and Cat thought that the insanity was only matched by his sick malevolence. "You never had any intention of helping me, did you?"

And now his hand was tightening around her neck, and she knew from the lack of focus on his face that he was doing it without conscious thought. He very well might just strangle her without meaning to, all because he was too worked up to realize what he was doing. She had to stop this, had to calm him down. The pressure still wasn't quite enough to completely cut off her air, and so she managed to force a few words from her throat.

"It's not the name, it's the intent," it was the truth, and after a moment of careful consideration, he seemed to come to that conclusion as well, and thankfully the pressure around her neck lessoning slowly, before dropping away completely as he drew his hand back.

"Then why hasn't she come?"

"I told you, the DEO-"

"Like she couldn't get out if she really wanted to," Cat wanted to shift away as his spit landed on her cheek, carried there by the exuberance in his speech, but she forced herself to remain still and unassuming.

"If you're so confident that she can break out of the DEO, what makes you think that you can hold her?" Maybe she could get him to go back to his planning, or to launch into a long-winded explanation. Villain's liked that, didn't they? They liked to explain themselves in painful, time-consuming detail.

"I'm smarter than them, I have a better plan. They're complacent because they like her, because they're not willing to hurt her to keep her weak. I, on the other hand, have no such qualms. She can escape from them, but not from me," he trailed off, his face twisting further as his eyes shifted to look at something behind Cat. She couldn't see what he was gazing at, but from the expression on his face she knew that whatever it was, it was something that was meant to harm her Kiera.

"You're over estimating her. She'll have to convince them to let her go, and that could take a while, especially if they think they can find me on their own," she needed to make it clear to him that Kara would come, but that the girl needed time. Cat needed to reach out to whatever logic he had left.

She needed to make him pause and think, but in her rush to say something to placate him, she had over played her hand, and she realized her mistake the second the last syllable left her mouth. This time she saw the hand coming, a fist now, smashing into her stomach and causing her to gasp out as the air left her lungs, her body doubling over as much as it could, with her hands still chained behind her and holding her back against the chair.

"How dare you," he growled, once again closing his hand around her throat. "That _creature_ ruined me, and I've spent the last years of my life tracking her down, learning everything about her. How dare you suggest that I'm over estimating her, that she's not exactly as dangerous and powerful and I know her to be. I am Maxwell Lord, do you understand what that means, Cat? Do you? It means that I am going to destroy the Devil, and once I do, I'll steal her power. Once I do, I'll be the most powerful person in the world!"

That was his end goal, Kara's power. It didn't matter that he couldn't actually do what he said, couldn't take that power. It didn't matter because he thought he could, and he was too far-gone for Cat to have any hope of being able to argue him down. She had been trying to play it safe, but her lack of understanding of his desire had led her to yet another insult, because insulting Kara's power was equivalent to insulting his future power, insulting him.

He pulled back from her again, and this time, she didn't think he had let her go because he had calmed down.

"I guess I'll just have to show you how powerful she really is, how powerful _I'm_ going to be when this is all over. She'll break out, just you watch, she just needs a little more incentive." He was grinning as he pulled the gun from his pocket, grinning as her eyes widened when he pointed it at her, moving the weapon over her body, hesitating at different points as he considered where to shoot.

Cat's resolve broke, there was no saving it at this point, and she wasn't going to go out like this, non-combative and weak.

"You're right, she will come for me, and when she does… I suggest you use the little time you have left to start praying," and if her voice cracked slightly, if it wavered, it was with anger, not fear. She wouldn't admit to the fear.

The gun stopped its movement, pointing at her abdomen, "I've always heard that being shot in the gut is a death sentence, a painful way to go, but so very, _very_ , slow. I think I like that, don't you? It will be good for you to get the experience, a little pain now, it will prepare you for your eternity in Hell."

That was when she gave in, silently calling Kara's name with the full power of her intent. Yes, maybe it was a trap, but she no longer had time to wait for the DEO. If she died, then Kara…

Cat screamed for her Kiera even as the gun when off and her screams became vocal, the name getting lost as pain exploded in her body.

And, despite her suggestion to Lord, it was Cat who prayed. She hadn't prayed to God since she was a child, and especially not since Kara had come into her life, but now she did. Maybe God didn't ever interfere, but Cat still had to try.

 _"Keep her safe,"_ she whispered in her mind, _"please, she's your daughter. You took everything from her, just let her have this. Let her have this life. Please."_

Lord dug his finger into the wound and Cat's prayers dissolved into yet another, painful scream.


	10. Chapter 10

Kara did not want Maxwell Lord to see her true face.

It was a little thing, Kara knew, it was a little thing and right now, as she hurtled towards the _feel_ of Cat's screams, it wasn't what she should be focusing on. She should be trying to figure out what she would do when she arrived, when she discovered how Lord was holding Cat. She should be trying to figure out what she would do when she discovered how badly Cat was hurt. She should be trying to figure out what she would do when she discovered how much pain Cat was in because, once, years ago, Kara had dared to ask the human for a kiss.

Kara should be focusing on forming a tactical plan to save Cat, but instead… instead she was fixating on her own selfish desire, her own desperate want.

Because, no matter what else was going on, she did not want Lord to see her face.

When she had dropped first her shadows for Cat, and then her illusion, that had been special. It had meant something for the two of them. It had been a way for Kara to show Cat that she was hers, a way for Cat to see Kara, truly see her, and for Cat to promise Kara that she was wanted and that she was not alone.

More people had seen her now, that was true, but those people were ones she cared about as well, family and friends. Even the few men who had been on the team that night, the ones that had shot at her, even they had still been part of a group that she trusted. They had all been part of her extended family, and every last one of them had understood.

They had understood that even though it was her face, it was also something that was only visible on this Earth because of Cat. They had understood that Cat had claimed her, bound her here, changed Kara's body and made it her own. Yes, Alex, and Astra, and Hank, and Lucy had seen her now, but all of them had realized that they were being allowed to see something special, something that was truly meant for Cat alone. And they had respected, _did_ respect that.

But Lord…

Kara had slipped back into her illusion the moment she had exited her cell, the cover falling over her easily, almost without thought. She knew that Lord would have kryptonite and that she wouldn't be able to hide her face for long, but she didn't care, she would hide it as long as she was able.

Lord knew enough about her to take Cat, but he didn't grant that connect the reverence it deserved, didn't care about Cat beyond her usefulness in securing Kara. She did not want Lord to see her face because he wouldn't understand that it was for Cat.

Kara did not want Lord to see her face because in the next few minutes she knew that Lord was going to take so much from her, from them. He was going to take everything he could, and she wanted one thing to be safe. Kara wanted to preserve something of herself for Cat, to show Cat that, even if she had failed her, let her get taken, let her get hurt, then at least Kara could hold something back from the man who was causing Cat so much pain. Kara wanted to show Cat that whatever Lord tried, he would not take everything, that Kara would keep this one last thing untouched by his hand.

Kara wanted that, but she knew that in this too, she would fail.

And that was the real reason she hadn't been able to focus on tactics, because she knew that tactics wouldn't help her any longer. Kara knew that it was beyond that point, and that, for every way that Kara had failed her human thus far, none of that would compare with what she was about to do next. It wouldn't compare because Kara was about to betray Cat's claim over her, she was going to turn herself over to Lord, to give herself to him in a desperate plea that it would be enough to save Cat.

It had only taken her a few minutes to find the location, following the echoes of Cat's last scream. She was sure that Cat was no longer vocalizing her pain, but it was still there, still drawing her in, and it told her that Cat was dying. It told her that Cat would die unless Kara could convince Lord to save her, and Lord would only do that if he thought he needed Cat alive for something, alive to control the Devil.

And so there was no more time for tactics, there was only time for surrender.

The building itself was fairly disappointing, an abandoned warehouse out in the middle of nowhere, the kind of place every stock character villain with no imagination liked to haunt. She understood why he had picked it, why they all did, it was secluded, maze-like, and an ideal location for someone to go unnoticed, but even so, she couldn't help but feel that Cat deserved better. Some last little part of her mind that wasn't preoccupied with the seriousness of situation at hand couldn't help but feel affronted by Lord, because, yes, he had taken Cat, but he couldn't even be bothered to treat her kidnapping with the proper respect it deserved.

In some ridiculous way Kara wished that he had tried harder, because this was _the_ Cat Grant they were talking about, the woman who had collared the Devil, and nothing short of extraordinary would ever be remotely worthy of such a mortal.

But he hadn't tried harder. Kara could already feel the kryptonite weighing her down, Lord hadn't bothered to seal it away because he knew she would come, and so this wasn't even really a trap. There was no surprise attack, just a wide open door, a faint green glow, and the expectation that Kara would give in. And she was going to, of course, he _hadn't_ needed to try harder because she was just going to give in.

She was going to give in even if it meant that she was failing Cat again because, just as this location, this villain, could hardly be considered worthy of Cat, neither was Kara the savior Cat deserved.

She was going to fail Cat because Kara wasn't coming to rescue her, Kara was just coming to stall.

Reaching into her pocket Kara pulled out Alex's phone, she had grabbed it in the moment before she had fled. It wasn't something she would have done if she had managed to break through her cell when Cat had first called, if she had escaped at that moment Kara would have flown right here regardless of the consequences, but even with the amount of pain and urgency Kara had felt in Cat's second call, there had been something different, something that had given her pause.

Kara had paused because Carter had been kneeling next to her, and Alex had been holding her in her arms. Kara had paused because, for all that she wanted to get lost in Cat, there were other people touching her, caring about her, and Kara could not forget about her family.

With Carter kneeling over her Kara could not forget about the fact that if Cat died now, it wouldn't just be Kara that was sent away, but Carter as well. If Cat died, Carter would go back to Heaven, and, even if time worked differently there, he might still have to wait generations before another opportunity arrived for him to return to Earth. He might have to wait eons to finish growing up and achieving the rank of Archangel. If Kara let Cat die now, it wouldn't just be the two of them that lost this life, their son would lose it as well.

And it was a life she wanted him to have. Kara could not forget how Carter would smile as each birthday passed, how excited he was to experience this human existence that had been cut short the first time. She could not forget how she felt as she watched him win awards, or progress in school, or even just how she felt when he fell asleep in her arms. Kara could not forget all the little moments she had had with him, that Cat had had with him. Kara could not forget them because the idea of any of them missing out on those moments, it was something that ripped at her heart just as strongly as the pain in Cat's screams.

And Alex as well, Kara could not forget. Alex's arms had been around her when she had heard Cat call. Alex's arms had been holding her, and they were arms that had hugged her, protected her, loved her. They were arms that belonged to a woman who was her sister, who had found it within herself to trust the strange girl that had come from the sky, trusted Kara enough to let her keep her secrets. They were arms that, when her identity had finally been reveled, had cherished her enough to push past the fear and anxiety, and to keep protecting her, keep reaching for her. Kara could not forget that when the door to her cell had finally opened, Alex's arms had circled around her unhesitatingly, even though the last thing Kara had done had been to fly out of control. They were arms that promised a future, a continued trust, a continued love.

And so Kara could not forget because those people had reminded her that, for as long as she had been alone, she was not alone now. They had reminded Kara that there were other people who cared about her, and Cat, a reminder that had provided just enough conscious thought for her to grab the phone from Alex's pocket before she had sped from the room.

Holding it in her hand now Kara dialed Hank's number, watching for a few brief seconds to make sure that the call connected, that Lord hadn't bothered to put transmission-blocking technology in the area. He hadn't, which was a relief, but not unexpected. Lord relied too heavily on electronics to allow a blocker, and he relied too heavily on his own blind obsession with power, his own expectation that Kara would rush to Cat because she perceived some slight, for him to bother with additional precautions. Lord was expected Kara to come because he had taken something that belonged to her, but he wasn't capable of understanding that her relationship with Cat was so much more than that. That her relationship with her family was more.

He wasn't capable of understanding that she could think about others, and that, for all her power, she could admit when she needed help. Kara might not have a real plan, an idea of what she personally could do, other than give in, but she did have this. She had her family, and they would be enough.

Kara waited one moment more as the line opened, and then she dropped the phone to the ground and started forward. Behind her she could hear Hank's voice, calling her name, telling her to wait, but she ignored it. They could trace the call now, find this place, and Kara's wasn't going to delay any longer. She was going to go to Cat and do what she could to appease Lord until the rest of her family arrived to save them.

She just hoped that when they arrived, there was still a _them_ to save.

/

Lord was pacing, his anticipation and agitation clear, but Cat didn't have the energy to follow his movement. She was using every bit of concentration and focus she had just to stay alive and wait for her Kiera.

He had unchained her after the gunshot because clearly, she was in no condition to fight or run, and he had pressed a towel into her hands before turning his back on her and leaving her alone to try and staunch the bleeding. And she had done what she could, biting her lip to keep from crying out as she pressed the cloth into her side, but what had once been white material was now soaked through, and Cat's head was swimming with pain.

It had only been a few minutes but already she could feel the strength leaving her fingers, and the effort it was taking to hold the towel in place was almost... maybe if she just took a little break, just released the pressure, just for a minute, just until she…

 _"No!"_

That was the blood loss talking, but she wouldn't allow it. Kara was on her way, and Cat was going to still be alive when Kara got here. Cat was going to fight to stay alive for Kara. Cat was going to do whatever it took, ignore whatever pain she was in, disregard whatever part of her it was that wanted to sleep, because Kara was coming.

But there was so much blood, and the towel was…

She tried to concentrate on that will, that need to keep breathing, but her mind kept skipping and it was becoming harder and harder to remember why she needed to stay awake. Cat tried to picture Kara's face, Carter's face, but her thoughts were fading out.

Fading, fading…

Maybe it would be better to die. Maybe it would be better because Cat knew what it meant, the fact that Lord had had a towel ready. Cat knew, because he was insane, and yet still coherent enough to prepare for this. And Cat knew, because now she could see what Lord had been looking at when he had mentioned that he could hold Kara. Cat had seen it because he had wanted her to, spinning her chair to the side so that, if she turned her head, it was unavoidable.

It was another cage but it was nothing like the one at the DEO. This cage was shaped like a person, thick metal bars threaded through with kryptonite that would wrap around Kara hold her motionless. It would keep her immobile, standing, not even able to move her head. It would confine and trap her, but it wouldn't _just_ trap her, it would do so much more than that. It would also...

Lord had obviously modeled it off of an Iron Maiden. There were long, cruel spikes sticking out at regular intervals, spikes that would impale Kara, her arms, her legs, her chest, stomach, and neck, spikes that would make it so that even if Kara was strong enough to break out of the DEO, even if she could resist the kryptonite to some degree, it wouldn't matter, because she would never be able to heal her body enough to fight back. Not as long as she was held in that… _thing_.

And that was why he had towels at the ready. He had towels because when he put her inside of that cage, it would cover the room in blood. Maybe he hadn't been planning on shooting Cat, in fact, she was sure he hadn't been, that had been an act of rash insanity, but he had been planning on hurting someone. He was planning on hurting Kara.

Cat knew that the fresh towels meant that, if Lord got Kara into that cage, Cat would have to listen to Kara scream.

 _"But if I just die…"_

 _"NO!"_

Kara would be in so much pain. Cat was in pain right now, yes, but she wasn't the target, and Kara…

Cat didn't know what to do. She had called for Kara, and this time, she knew the girl was coming, that Kara was on her way. Cat couldn't feel Kara the way Kara felt her, but she knew Kara, and Cat knew that Kara would never let her call go unanswered, not when it had been filled with so much hurt. Kara would never let Cat suffer alone, because Kara was her Kiera, and she would always, _always_ , return to Cat.

Beyond anything and everything else, Cat believed that, believed that Kara would always come to her when she called.

But had she betrayed Kara by calling her? Cat tried to think, tried to process the mixture of hope and fear even as she felt as if the world was tilting out of orbit. Which was worse? Cat dying, and Kara missing her life, or Cat staying alive, and Kara being tortured?

If she hadn't called Kara there was no chance that she would survive this, none at all, that was pure fact. If she hadn't called Kara, she would be die, to be sure, but didn't that mean that a few minutes from now she could already be searching for the gates, could already be preparing for an eternity with her demon? They would both miss out on so much, but they would be together, and they wouldn't be in pain.

They wouldn't be hurting, but…

She would see Carter again, before she went through the gates. She would hold him, and tell him that she loved him. Cat would wrap her arms around her son and tell him that she was sorry that she hadn't gotten the chance to see him grow up. She would tell him that it was ok for him to find a new family to grow up with, when he eventually returned to Earth to finish aging. Cat would tell him how proud she was of him, how much joy he had brought her, brought them both. And Cat would tell him that she didn't want to leave him, but that Kara was waiting, and that she needed to go.

And then she would be with Kara again, and in the end, wasn't that where they were headed anyway? So maybe Kara wouldn't get her life, Cat wouldn't get to grow old, and they wouldn't get to watch Carter grow up. Maybe they would miss out on all of that, but at least Kara would be safe. If Cat just let go now… because where should she draw the line? How much torture, how much pain was this life worth? She didn't want Kara to suffer, didn't want…

But she knew. It would all be worth it to Kara. Kara would endure whatever pain Lord had planned for her because she was strong and she could take it. Kara would endure a lifetime of torture if it meant that she got to stay with Cat and Carter and Alex. Kara would endure anything because she so desperately wanted to have this life, and to share it with her family.

Cat didn't always understand that, how strong Kara's want, her desire was. On one hand, she did understand because it wasn't like Cat herself had a death wish, like she didn't want to live this life with Kara. But on the other hand… on the other hand Cat hadn't spent most of her existence in isolation, and so she couldn't possibly comprehend just how important this life was to Kara. And part of Cat was even looking forward to the afterlife, to knowing that Kara would be hers for an eternity, and that she wouldn't have to share.

Part of Cat was looking forward to that, but she wouldn't admit that out loud to the girl. She couldn't admit it because sometimes Kara would look at her, and Cat thought she could see something in Kara's eyes, something that whispered that maybe Kara didn't believe her. That Kara's didn't think they _would_ have eternity together, that maybe Kara had spent so much time alone that, no matter what Cat did to show her how she felt, some part of Kara couldn't quite believe that Cat would give up Heaven to be with her. It was almost as if, in those moments, Kara truly thought that this lifetime was all she had, her only chance to be happy. Sometimes Kara would look at Cat, and even if it wasn't true, even if Cat _was_ going to find Kara, Cat knew that she would never be able to completely erase those last doubts from Kara's mind. And it was those doubts that would keep Kara going through whatever Lord put her through.

And so Cat would hold on as well, for as long as she was able. Maybe this would still end in death, in fact, Cat knew that was a distinct possibility, but she would hold on for as long as she could. Cat would hold on even if she had to hear Kara scream, even if she had to watch Lord hurt her, if she had to watch Lord tear Kara apart. Cat would hold on, because it was what Kara would want.

And if she didn't make it that long? If something happened and her wound got worse? Or if Lord refused to give her medical treatment when Kara arrived? Well, then at least Cat would hold on until Kara got here. Even if she couldn't do more than that, Cat would wait for her Kiera, because before the end, Cat needed to promise her one last time that she would find her. Cat needed to do whatever she could to mitigate that doubt in Kara's eyes.

Cat would hold on, because Kara was coming, and Cat would not abandon her Kiera, not in this life, and not in the next.

Cat would…

Cat knew as soon as Kara entered the building, she knew because she heard Lord let out a triumphant shout, and the noise was enough to draw her attention, to force her to focus on him. He was grinning at his phone, that wide, maniacal grin, a grin that would have made her shudder, if she wasn't already so numb. And Cat knew because, as she watched, Lord tapped his finger across the screen and a moment later the entire wall in front of Cat burst into life, showing her demon, her Angel, her _everything_ , approaching from different camera angles.

"She's here," it was almost a sing-song, "she's here, she's here, she's…" his voice dissolved into a fit of giggles. A grown man giggling. Any other time Cat would have rolled her eyes at that, Cat would have made some cutting remark, but right now she let it slide because she just didn't have the energy, and because what little energy she did have, she needed to use to stare at her Kiera.

She could see Kara moving closer, see the determined look on Kara's face, but she could also see her wavering, see how her feet dragged, not because she didn't want to find Cat, but because the kryptonite was growing stronger with each step, and very soon Kara was going to have trouble walking. And so Cat struggled to push past the sharp pain in her abdomen that was making it so hard to concentrate, she struggled to focus because she needed to watch this. Kara was here because of her, and she would not let Kara's struggles go unmarked.

Because this was Cat's fault, and Cat refused to look away.

Focusing on Kara's face, that soft, beautiful face Cat loved so much, she tried to sort through her emotions. The relief, that Kara was here, the guilt, that Kara was allowing herself to be captured, and the… the need. Because beyond everything, beyond the torrent of emotion and confusion, Cat just needed Kara, would always need her. And because of that need, Cat found the energy to hold herself awake, to fight, and watch, and wait. To believe. That need gave Cat the strength to believe that Kara would save her.

And then Kara stumbled, and Lord released a gleeful cackle, and Cat felt her heart twist at that noise, at how _excited_ it had made Lord, when Kara had almost fallen.

Was that what Lord wanted? Cat realized it suddenly. Did he want Kara to be so overcome that she had to crawl the last few steps, to fall at his feet in submission? Cat's anger flared at that, and somewhere in the back of her mind she found that amusing, that even in this situation, she could be so upset about the idea of Kara on her knees in front of someone else. It was amusing because they were on the precipice of falling into Hell, and yet Cat could still be possessive enough to be angry that Lord would try and force _her_ Kiera to submit to him.

She hoped that Kara was going to rip him apart.

Kara stumbled twice more before she finally failed to catch herself, crashing to the ground and raising a cloud of dust. She fell to the ground but she got back up, she got right back up, and Cat felt a strong surge of pride at that, at knowing that Kara would fight to remain strong until the last moment. Kara would keep getting up until she didn't have anything left to give, and even then, she would still keep coming.

But Lord was only getting more excited, more energized, the closer the girl came, the weaker she became, and if the bullet in her gut hadn't been enough to do it, watching Lord's increased fervor with each stumble would have made her sick. His eyes were gleaming now, or at least, she thought they were, but it was hard to tell when everything was so, so… shrouded in shadow. It was hard to tell, but she could imagine the look of desire and greed on his face, and she hated herself for exposing her soft, kind Kiera to this world, to this man.

Cat hated herself for calling Kara to her, for calling Kara to face this man who was looking at her like that, who was…

She heard the gasp and she forced herself to choke down her growl. She herself couldn't tell directly when Kara's illusion fell, considering that she could always see through it, but she knew when it happened for Lord, in the same way she had known on that night three months ago. It was so obviously because that first moment was not something that others could let go unmarked. And so Cat bit back a growl because, as much as she hated the idea that he was seeing Kara like this, Cat needed to stay alive, she needed to remain just an object, and not a person of concern. Cat needed to stay quiet and survive for her Kiera.

"She's beautiful," it was an awed whisper, but not one of respect, and truthfully, Cat didn't even think he was talking about physical beauty. Lord was so far past that now, it meant almost nothing to him. No, what he was focused on was the power, the potential, the idea of holding that all for himself.

"She's absolu-" his voice cut off and Cat had a terrible moment of déjà –vu. "You-" he spun towards her and Cat felt her hope begin to slip away at the fury in his voice, because it was the same voice he had used right before he had lost control the last time. It was the same voice he had used right before he had shot her, and it was the same voice he had used right before she had given in, and had called for the Devil.

Lord marched over to her, bearing down with such ferocity that Cat drew back, the small movement causing the wound to stretch painfully, and she couldn't suppress the soft cry that fell from her lips. And she cursed herself for that, for letting the sound escape, because behind Lord, on the screen, Cat saw Kara's jaw stiffen, her anger flash, and Cat watched Kara's fists clench as the girl stumbled on.

"You put a _collar_ on her? You put a collar on _my_ power?" His hands were on her now, knotting into her shirt and yanking her forward, and this time her cry was anything but soft, and she couldn't even remember to feel bad about it. She couldn't feel bad that her voice was betraying her pain to Kara, because, as he pulled at her, she felt her skin tear and the blood flow faster, and there was too much pain to see anything beyond Lord's furious expression.

Her hands lost the strength to hold the towel in place and it fell away but Lord didn't seem to notice. "How dare you! You… you…" his were eyes rolling in his head, and his hot breath pressed against Cat's face as his anger and madness grew. "She's supposed to kneel down to me! ME! I'm going to be the one to control that power, what gave you the right? It's mine, mine, mine, MINE!"

And maybe it was a mistake, especially after everything Cat had just been thinking, every resolution she had made to hold herself back, but her vision was fading, and her thoughts were blurring, and even in this condition, she could not let this pass. Cat felt herself slipping away, and, as the pain twisted into a sort of strange euphoria, a high brought on by emotional and physical extremes, she spat in the face of Maxwell Lord.

With whatever strength she had left, as she felt the darkness swirling around her, Cat gritted her teeth and snarled at the man, "she will never be yours, Lord. She promised herself to me in every name that she has ever, or will ever have. Whatever you do to her, or me, whatever you call her, the Devil, Lucifer, Kara, Kiera, or even yours, whatever name you try, she will always be mine. Mine, Lord, Kiera is _mine_!"

And then he was tossing her aside with an enraged scream and Cat felt a brief moment of triumph because she knew that for one moment at least, he had believed her. Even if he talked himself out of that belief now, there had been an instant where she had won. And then, laying on her side, Cat let her triumph manifest into a smile because while Lord had been distracted, Kara had come.

Kara had appeared in the doorway and, even if she was barely on her feet, even if her illusion was gone, even if the girl was powerless, she had heard. Kara had heard Cat claim her, heard Cat snarl at Lord, and heard the conviction in Cat's voice. Kara had heard the knowledge, the assurance, that no matter what, Kara would always belong to Cat.

Kara had heard, but she had also seen Cat fall.

/

The extra power she had taken from Carter was fading fast, but it had allowed her to stay on her feet all the way through the building, allowed her to still be standing when she found that door, allowed her to make it in time to hear Cat claim her, hear Cat reiterate her promise even when she was in so much pain. It had allowed her those things, but it hadn't allowed her to move fast enough to stop Lord, and so all Kara could do was watch Cat fall.

Kara watched Cat fall and something changed within her, something shifted because she _knew_ about falling, and she could recognize what this fall would do to a fragile human body that was already covered in so much blood. Kara watched Cat fall and she froze. Kara watched Cat fall, and she recognized what was coming, what she couldn't stop.

Death.

Lord tossed Cat to the ground and the bullet moved, tearing through Cat's insides even more, and Kara could see that Cat's soul was slipping out. She wasn't gone yet, not yet, but she wouldn't survive this. Cat was going to die, and it was all Kara's fault.

There were shadows in the room now. Death was coming for Cat, and the shadows were coming for Kara. There were shadows dancing around the walls, shadows spilling through the grotesque cage in the back of the room, shadows moving across the floor towards the Devil, just…

Shadows, all around.

And so Kara froze because attacking Lord right now would be meaningless. She was too weak to succeed, and seeing Cat lying there, _feeling_ Cat slipping into death, Kara found herself almost forgetting about Lord and his evil plans. Almost forgetting about Lord and his pathetic little human life that would disappear as soon as the DEO arrived, about Lord and his soul that would be reborn, reshaped, forgotten.

Kara could almost forget about him because Lord didn't matter.

Lord didn't matter because there were shadows, and Cat was going to die, and Kara was powerless to…

A single tendril of shadow licked against Kara's foot, sinking into her and reminding her of who she was, and what she was capable of. Kara felt the wisp of her true power, and she remembered that once, she had remade existence. That once, she had defied God. And that once, she had made a vow to give herself to Cat, to devote herself to Cat, to surrender not just this life to the woman, but also the next.

And then Kara was moving again, bypassing Lord, who still hadn't noticed her, and stumbling to Cat's side, falling next to her and pulling the Cat into her lap. She ignored Lord and went to Cat because she knew there was only one way for this to end.

Cat was going to die, and Kara was going to let her.

"Kiera," the voice was so quiet, the eyes glazed, "I'm going to come find you, you know that right?"

Cat's hand twitched, she didn't have the strength to lift her arm, but Kara knew what Cat wanted, it was something Cat had done countless times before. Cat was too weak, but Kara grasped those fingers and guided Cat's hand towards her, letting Cat's fingers rest on her collar. As Cat's hand closed around that 'C,' the symbol of their bond, of Cat's promise, Kara smiled softly at the human, closing her eyes briefly and savoring the feel of Cat's touch at her throat.

"You're mine, Kiera, and I'm coming," the words were punctuated by a gentle tug as Cat somehow found just enough energy to pull at the collar, to make Kara feel it, and to remind Kara that Cat was in charge.

"Yes, Cat," Kara forced the smile to stay on her face, forced herself to ignore the man behind her who, once he had realized that she had arrived, was thankfully content enough to let this play out.

Lord couldn't hear what Cat was saying, her voice was too soft for that, but Kara knew he would be taking in the scene of the Devil bowing over a dying human, and he would feel only joy. He didn't realize what would happen to her when Cat died, and so this, for him, was the first part of his victory. He would let Cat die in her arms, thinking it would make her feel powerless, thinking it would break her and make her easier to control, and if she had just been Supergirl, he would have been right.

He would have been right, except he wasn't, because she had never been _just_ Supergirl, and even though this _was_ making her feel powerless, it also reminded her that she wouldn't be powerless for long. She wouldn't be powerless because in just a moment Cat would die, and Kara's shadows would come back to her, and not even kryptonite could stop her then.

But that was in a moment.

That time would come, but right now, right now Kara needed to keep looking at Cat because this was the last time she would ever get to do this. Right now Kara needed to focus on the feel of Cat in her arms, of Cat's fingers reaching out for her possessively, of Cat speaking to her, one final time. Right now Kara needed to smile at Cat, so that when this was all over, that would be the last image Cat had of her. Kara smiling at her, Kara believing in her, Kara loving her, just… Kara being there with her until she couldn't be there any longer.

"Kiera…"

"I'll be waiting Cat, I promise," and she meant it. Even though Kara knew she would wait for all of eternity, even though she knew Cat would never come, she would still be waiting. Kara would always be waiting because after what she was about to do, she would have nothing else left.

"Good girl," a fleeting smile graced Cat's lips as the endearment slipped past, and then, as Cat's eyelids drooped and closed, as Cat wavered and Kara knew that Cat was on her last breath, Kara lowered her lips to Cat's ear. Kara dipped her head and whispered her last truth, her last confession to Cat, knowing that the woman was past the point of both hearing and comprehension.

"You'll be so happy, Cat. When you die, when you go to Heaven. You won't remember me anymore, Cat, won't need me, and you'll be so very, very happy without me."

Cat's heart stopped beating.

Cat's heart stopped but it was Supergirl who died. It was Kara Danvers who was stripped away from the world, and it was the immortal, the first Angel, the Devil, that remained.

Kara only had a few moments, now, while she had her full power. She only had a few moments before Cat's soul moved on and Kara was sent back to Hell, because she was going back to Hell now, there was no stopping that, but Cat… it was too soon for the world to lose Cat Grant, for the world to part from the Queen of All Media, for Carter to lose his mother. It was too soon for Cat's life to be cut short just because, when she had been young and foolish, she had welcomed a demon into her life.

Kara didn't have any right to do this, not really, but that hadn't stopped her before, when she had fallen from grace. She didn't have any right to change reality without the direct request of a mortal, but Kara didn't have that option now, which meant that for the second time in her existence, Kara would have to break the laws laid out by the only power greater than her.

Kal-El could change reality without a contract with a human, like he had done when he had introduced Carter into their lives, but that was different. Kal-El could change reality without human consent because, even though God never interfered anymore, he had left an open covenant with the ruling Angels, giving those in the upper ranks permission to change reality, as long as they followed certain guidelines. God had left that to them, but Kara…

When Kara had fallen she had sided with the mortals, and so just as Kal-El's power stemmed from the implicit consent of God, Kara's power in this realm was bound to the explicit demand of mortals. It was the last law God had laid down, before stepping aside, the final ruling to temper the ramifications of her fall.

Which meant that right now, if Kara wanted to change reality, then she would once again have to defy her father.

It was such a little change that it was deceptively easy. 'Deceptive,' because while the act itself might be almost trivial, how she did it was not. Kara changed reality by using her shear power to rip open the fabric of God's rules, something not even Kal-El, the second born, would have been able to do. Kara tore a hole through existence, her shadows swirling around her, trying to drag her away, but she resisted and healed Cat's body, making it stronger and healthier than before, making sure that Cat would never get sick again, making sure that Cat would live a long, full life, making sure that Cat would get to see their son grow up.

 _"Carter,"_ that was another thing. He was close, she could feel it, and as long as Cat was still on Earth, he could stay. Even if Kara was gone, Carter was connected to Cat, and so he would get to grow up here, but he would stop aging at 25. He didn't have to, though, and why not change that? She was already past the point of no return, so why not do this as well? Reaching down the connection, the last thread of his power that still clung to her, she gave him the only gift she could think of, the only apology she could offer for leaving this way, the only thing she could do to let him have just as full and true a life as any human.

 _"Carter, tell her it was my choice,"_ her words reverberated down that line of power and she felt him react with first shock, as she pressed her power over him, and then horror, as he realized what she was doing, what it was already too late to stop. He tried to grab for her anyway, as if he could somehow interfere, but with one last whispered, _"I love you,_ " Kara severed the connection and released her son, freeing him to be the Angel he was, and the Archangel she knew he could become.

And then there were other people in the room with her. Alex and Astra bursting in, they must have tapped into the cameras and sensors to mask their approach from Lord, and Kara couldn't help but feel slight joy at that, that she would get to see them one last time.

Astra was moving to restrain Lord but Alex was moving towards her, and Kara could just hear Alex's panicked voice calling for her as the room began to fade. Alex's arms reached for her, falling through her body because the only physical presence she had anymore was tied to Cat's form. But even as those arms shifted through her, they still brought the memory of that last embrace, and every embrace that had come before. Alex couldn't touch her now, but Kara could carry those memories with her, and for that, she was grateful, for that, she was happy, and for that, Kara smiled.

She offered that smile to Alex, meeting her gaze and hoping that Alex could read her thanks, and then she turned away. Kara turned back to Cat and completed her transgression, forcing Cat's soul back into her body.

Kara brought Cat back to life, and, for the second and last time, she fell.

 _"Keep her safe,"_ she whispered in her mind as her shadows finally consumed her, _"please, father, I love her. I have to leave her now, but just let her be safe. Let her have this life. Please."_

Lucifer fell, and just as she had been cast out of Heaven, now she was also cast down from Earth.

The Devil fell, and no matter how many times Cat might call, no matter who might try and summon her in the future, it would never be enough to bring her back.

Kara fell, paying for her defiance with the loss of her last connection to any realm outside of her own.

Kiera fell, and for the rest of eternity, she was damned.


	11. Chapter 11

_"She wanted…"_

Cat tried to block those words out of her mind, Carter's voice speaking to her, relaying Kara's last message. She didn't want to hear it, those words, didn't want to remember that moment when she had first woken up. No, she was going to shut that all out. She was going to erase those words because they were an impossibility, something that could not exist in tandem with what she knew, with how she understood the universe to function.

Because Cat Grant knew two things that were complete and utter absolutes. The first was that Kara was _her_ Kiera. And the second, the second was that Kara always came back to her. She might stay away for a long time, months, seven years, even, but in the end, Kara always came back. Kara knew that her place was at Cat's side, and she would always, _always_ come when Cat called.

And she was going to come back now, she would, as long as Cat could shut out those words that made everything sound so final, as long as Cat could refuse to hear those syllables. Which was why Cat would do that, would close her mind to everything else, and focus instead on the other words, the summons that she knew would work. She didn't care that it hadn't worked yet, it hadn't been that long, she didn't think, it hadn't been that long and obviously the universe just hadn't righted itself yet. But it would, and Cat just needed to keep calling.

She just needed to keep calling for a few more hours, a few more…

How long had it been? How many hours had she been standing here, sitting here, pacing here? How many hours had she been moving around this space? How many hours had she spent on the floor because she couldn't take another step? How many hours since she had last eaten, or slept, or showered? How many? She didn't really know.

There was light outside now, the sun was coming up, light… light that Kara…

So that meant… 20 hours? Yes, this current round of summoning must have been going on for at least that long, although considering the fact that she had only stopped long enough to grab a few hours of sleep in between attempts you could actually consider that she had been at this for several days.

But 20 hours, this last time, yes, that sounded about right. 20 hours was a long time, but not so long, not as long as she could go, as she would go, if it would bring Kara home. And anyway, she would take a break soon, she would. She would sleep for just an hour or two and then she would start up again. She didn't really want to sleep, but Carter was worried about her, and if she collapsed again he was likely to call Alex and have her brought back to the DEO for medical supervision.

Carter…

He was taking care of her now. Every few hours she would look up and see that he had left food out for her, bringing it into the room and leaving it with fresh water, or clean clothes. Most of the time she didn't notice him enter, too caught up in what she was doing, in her chanting, calling, begging. Most of the time she didn't see him, except when it had been too long since she had touched the food, when he had taken away several plates uneaten, and then he would hover and he wouldn't leave until he saw her take at least a few bites.

And when she finally stumbled and her eyes closed despite her best attempts to keep them open, then she would wake up with a pillow under her head and a blanket over her shoulders. She would wake up and know that he was there for her, and it would crush her, because she knew she was handling this all wrong.

She should be the one taking care of him, she knew that, but…

But she could barely look at him right now. It wasn't fair, it wasn't right, but she just couldn't. It was the real reason she would give in and eat when he waited, she gave in because she needed him to leave, and she suspected that he knew that as well. It was a realization that made her heart break just that much more because part of her, the small part that could still understand what was going on, that part knew that what she was doing was wrong. It was wrong, but even so, she still just… just couldn't look at him, just couldn't bear to see his face.

When she looked at him she saw Kara's smile, even though his face was lined with loss and worry. When she looked at him she remembered how happy it had made her, watching Kara's face light up when they were together. When she looked at him she remembered how determined she had been to survive, because Kara deserved to have her life with her family.

And Cat knew that Carter was also in pain, she _knew_ that he was suffering, that she was his mother, and that she should be there for him, but right now she just couldn't. She was hurting him, and she recognized that, but she was just too broken to fixate on anything other than her own pain, to fixate on anything other than her need to bring Kara _home_. And so it didn't matter that right now she was failing her son, because the more important thing was that she was failing her Kiera.

She was failing Kara because no matter how much she called she couldn't bring the girl back, and more than that, she couldn't even respect the task Kara had left to her, the task of raising, caring for their son. She should be strong, but she wasn't. She should be in control, but she felt like she was drowning. She should be…

She should be so many things, but none of that changed the fact that when Cat looked at her son she heard those words and she had to look away.

 _"She wanted me to tell you…"_

Those words continued to ring in her ears no matter what she did to block them out. She heard them every time she stayed up all night performing the summoning ceremony over and over again, she heard them every time she looked at the news and saw pictures of the fake Supergirl, she heard them each morning when she woke up to an empty bed, once she had finally started sleeping in a bed again, that is. And, worst of all, she heard them ringing in her ears all through the funeral of Kara Danvers.

Kara's funeral had been held a month after she had vanished. Cat hadn't wanted to hold it at all, but the press had needed to be told something, and Carter… Cat had finally remembered how to be there for Carter.

It had taken two weeks, two weeks of avoiding his face, of barely sleeping, barely doing anything other than crying out Kara name. It had taken two weeks, but eventually there had been a moment, and Cat had been unable to look away since.

Cat had woken up while Cater was tucking a pillow under her head, her eyes had opened and fixed on his and she had realized that it had been days since she had seen him that close, since she had really _looked_. And seeing his face there, right in front of her own, it had been impossible to ignore the grief, the pain, the longing that she knew so well because it was a reflection of what she herself was feeling. Seeing his face like that, it had been a moment where everything had changed. Everything had shifted because, while it had been possible to focus only on herself when she could keep him at a distance, while it had been possible to shut everything down when she could close herself off and exist only in the fog of her own mind and endless need, while it had been possible in her pain to turn away from her son, in that moment it had no longer _remained_ possible because she had finally seen his face.

And seeing that, suddenly all of her reasons for avoiding him had faded away, because he was her son, and he was hurting, and how could she possibly have let him to go through that alone? She knew how, she knew there had been nothing logical about it, that there hadn't been anything rational in her world since Lord had taken her, but then, right then she had looked at the pain on her son's face and for the first time in weeks she had felt a harsh clarity fall over her, the realization that, even if Kara was, if Kara was… but no, even now she would not think it, but she had still had her realization that even if Kara was _temporarily_ away, Carter was still there, and she loved him.

It was the moment were suddenly everything about him that reminded her of Kara, everything that had been making her turn her head away all that time, all of that no longer felt like a burning, searing pain worse than the memory of the gunshot, because how could she possibility ever have wanted to turn her face away from that smile of Kara's? From Carter's soft heart that was so much like the other woman's?

Because how could Cat ever not want any and every reminder of her lost demon?

She had reached for him then, pulling him into her, holding him as the two of them cried together. She had apologized, over and over, her own pain finally opening up, finally letting someone in, and they had stayed like that for a long time, the two of them just feeling their grief, just being together and holding on to everything that was, had been, Kara.

Cat would still spend long hours trying to summon the girl, but now, after that moment, she had remembered that there were other things, too, and that, no matter how much she might want to ignore it, the world was continuing to spin, and so she had planned the funeral because it had needed to be done.

She had taken care of all the arrangements, moving through the patterns of work in methodical, emotionless gestures, going through the motions but not really _feeling_ any of it. She still couldn't let herself feel in public because it would be too overwhelming. When she was at home, with Carter, then, then she let herself feel, but for everything else…

For everything else Cat was just empty.

She was empty as she shifted the story slightly, the one that had been circulating for months about Kara's whereabouts. Now that story became a cover as she released the news that Kara hadn't been with a sick family member, but that it had actually been the girl herself who had been ill. Cat stood in front of the cameras and broke the news, her voice flat and emotionless, some calling her uncaring, but far more people taking note of how utterly broken she seemed, not with a lack of emotion, but almost as if there was too much, and she had just shut down. Cat stood in front of the cameras and explained that Kara had been ill, had been being treated in a private clinic, and that the treatment had failed.

Cat stood in front of the cameras and announced to the world that Kara Danvers was dead, because legally, she was.

The DEO had taken care all the paperwork, using their resources to forge a death certificate as well as a cremation notice, but Cat, Cat was a public figure, and so it fell to her to arrange the funeral.

And Cat hated it.

The funeral was private, held by the ocean at Cat's beach house, and throughout the entire ordeal all Cat could think was that it was all a sham because Kara wasn't really dead. She was in the afterlife, yes, but she had never really been completely alive to begin with, and so this whole funeral was just for show. Cat knew that, but the rest of the world didn't. All they knew was that Kara Danvers was gone, and all they cared about was the question of how would the Queen of All Media react.

Perhaps if it had just been her Cat wouldn't even have held the affair, regardless of what anyone else would have thought. She would have refused to acknowledge it, what it meant that Kara was no longer in this reality, fixating instead on the fact that she knew she still had a future with the girl, that she knew Kara was waiting. Cat would have ignored everyone else, if it had just been her, she would have, but she couldn't. She couldn't because she wasn't alone in her loss, and there were other people who wanted, needed to grieve.

She knew that because she had woken up and _seen_ Carter, and she had known that she needed to do something. Of course Cater, like her, knew that Kara wasn't really dead, but it was different for him. It was different because he understood how Heaven and Hell worked, he had been there, and he understood in a way that Cat couldn't. He understood, and so he didn't have hope, not like Cat. Cat would continue to call for Kara, but Carter, Carter believed that Kara wasn't coming back, and even if, maybe, some small part of him did occasionally flicker, some small hope did occasionally blossom in his chest, even then he was still just a child and he needed to be able to mark the loss of Kara from his life.

And there were other people too, Cat might not be able to take care of Kara right now, might not be able to fix her own pain, but she could look out for those others that Kara had left behind. Cat and Carter had always known what Kara was, but the other people in her life, they had only found out recently, and Alex…

Alex had actually watched Kara disappear, watched her fade away. Alex had reached for her and failed to hold on. Alex had looked into Kara's eyes in those final moments, and, even knowing what Kara was, knowing that she wasn't really _dead_ , Alex had only known about Kara for three months, and it had not been enough.

Kara's DEO family had only known for such a short period of time, too short for them to fully process. They had been getting there, yes, but they hadn't… they had still been struggling and so for them, Kara's second fall, it really was like a death. Which was why Cat had given in and held the funeral. She needed to do something, to help someone, because Kara, stupid, idiotic, heroic Kara, had gone and left her behind.

And so a month after Kara had fallen again, Cat attended the funeral of Kara Danvers, and she attended it with a sapphire ring on her left hand.

The morning before the funeral was the day Cat had picked up the ring and slipped it onto her own finger. Cat had picked up the ring because this was what the wedding had become, and she could not let her careful words pass by without taking up that ring. The ceremony she had written had been altered, the meticulous planning shifting from something to bring joy, into the horror of that day because Cat had planned it so well, and now… now it was the only thing appropriate to mark the girl's absence. You couldn't bury the Devil in a church, with a priest, you couldn't call on the Heavens to watch over her soul, and so the only thing that had been usable were those words Cat had written for something else.

Cat had picked up the ring because she had been planning on asking Kara to marry her, and instead, instead she was going to hear her words twisted, but she could not separate them from the knowledge of what they were supposed to mean.

No one asked about it, the silver band with its blue stone. There were a few glances, both that day and in the days that followed, but no one ever directly asked her. No one was brave enough to ask Cat Grant why she was wearing an engagement ring, one that was clearly more fitting to her lost partner's style than her own. No one was brave enough to question why Cat Grant, a woman who could have anyone she wanted, simply refused to move on. And no one was ever brave enough to ask why Cat Grant never took the ring off, no matter how much time continued to pass.

No one asked Cat, but there were still a few smaller, trashier media sources that printed stories about the ring anyway, that raised those questions to the public. Those questions were still circulating, and Cat read them all and in her mind she answered them, one by one.

Why was she wearing the ring?

Because of Kara.

Why wouldn't she move on?

Because it was her Kiera.

Why didn't she take it off?

That was a lie, because Cat did take it off. She did remove the ring from her finger, she did put it aside. She did, because she was waiting for Kara to answer her call.

Cat took the ring off every time she tried to summon Kara, placing it in a small box at her side, waiting for the moment Kara would come back. Waiting for the moment she could give her demon the ring that had always been intended for Kara's finger, not her own.

Cat took it off as she chanted until her voice cracked, as she paced until her feet could no longer carry her, until Carter, or Alex, or Astra, would come and hold her, rocking her as she continued to reach for Kara, embracing her because they knew there was nothing they could do to get her to stop, there was nothing they could say, and so all that they could offer was the soft pressure of a hug. And she accepted those hugs so easily now, she accepted them because she felt the harsh absence of Kara's touch from her life, and she needed it back.

Vaguely, Cat remembered how surprised Alex had been, that morning, the one that had destroyed everything. How unusual it had been for Cat to reach out and embrace her, but now…

Cat would let them hold her because she needed the contact. She didn't admit to it, but in those moments when she had been chanting for hours, when her heart was so broken, and all she wanted to do was rage and scream at Kara, was yell at the girl for placing her in this situation, for forcing her to stay behind, in those moments Cat needed something to hold her here.

It didn't matter that she could never feel any response to her call, that she never even felt the swell of power that that she had experienced that very first time, even before the Devil had appeared before her. It didn't matter that the chanting now felt so very empty, that there wasn't even the hint that her words were anything more than just empty sounds. None of that mattered, because Cat would never give up.

She couldn't give up because it was Kara, because Carter was growing up without her, and because every time Cat tried and failed, she once again would hear those words echoing in her thoughts, although she still refused to listen.

 _"She wanted me to tell you that it was her choice."_

Those were the first words Cat had heard that day, waking up in the DEO. They were the first words, and, she was sure, they would also be the last, because she knew they would continue to sound in her mind throughout all the years to come.

She had woken up feeling cold, and in the moment before she had opened her eyes she had thought how strange that was, because shouldn't the afterlife be pleasant? But no, she had been cold, which was when she had realized that there were blankets over her, and that the cold had nothing to do with the actual temperature and everything to do with the fact that, even if her conscious mind hadn't processed the information yet, her subconscious had already realized that she was still alive.

Cat had realized that she was still alive, that she wasn't in pain, and that something was very, very wrong.

Something was wrong and she had been cold because she had known that she should have woken up to the feel of a body pressed against her, or at least a hand in her own. She had known that she should have woken up to the heat and feel of another person because, even if somehow, she had no longer been hurt, she had been, before, and Kara would never have left her side. She had been cold because her body expected that extra heat of a second form, the comforting figure that should have been there with her.

And so she had opened her eyes to look for that person, to search for her Kiera, and instead, instead she had been confronted with the sight of the DEO medical wing, empty except for Carter and herself. Empty except for those words.

 _"She wanted me to tell you that it was her choice."_

Those words should have brought confusion, they weren't especially descriptive, and to an outsider they would have raised a number of questions, but to Cat, to Cat they rang with the memory of Kara. Cat had heard similar words before, numerous times. Cat had heard Kara explain how her fall from grace had been her own decision. Cat had heard Kara talk about the fact that there had been consequences, but that she had accepted them, because it was her choice.

Kara had always reminded Cat that it had been her choice.

And why had she always had to say that? Why? Why had she always had to repeat that phrase, stress that part? Why had she always had to tell Cat that it had been her decision? And why was Carter saying the same thing now? Cat had thought. Why? Because she had known that that couldn't be right, those words, they couldn't. Kara hadn't remade existence, of that, Cat had been sure. Kara hadn't…

But Cat had already been whole, physically at least. She had been shot, and she had been dying, but when she had woken up she had been cold, and she had been so very much alive. She still remembered whispering promises to Kara, remembered Kara smiling down at her, remembered closing her eyes but then… then she had been waking up in the DEO, waking up without pain, without a hole in her stomach, without Kara.

 _"What did she do?"_ It had come out harsh, panicked, because Cat had known that Kara had fixed her, she had already figured that out, but she had also known that it shouldn't have been possible.

And Carter had told her, and with each additional word Cat had felt like she was being shot all over again, only this time with thousands of bullets that torn at every part of her. Carter had told her that she _had_ died, but that Kara hadn't accepted it, that Kara had brought her back to life, and that Kara was gone.

 _"I'll bring her back,"_ Cat had snarled, but Carter had only shaken his head, a sad, pained look in his eyes.

She had ignored that look, panicking and calling Kara's name. She had called over and over, putting every amount of force and concentration into that word, and when Kara hadn't come she had switched into that other language, the one that burned and ripped at her throat. She had called Kara again, demanded, ordered, begged.

And Kara still hadn't come.

Carter had eventually placed his hand over her mouth, stopping the words, _"there was no other way, the moment you died she was going to have to leave. The only difference is that now you get to stay alive."_

But that wasn't the only difference, was it? It wasn't because Kara had banished herself from this realm. Kara had given up her only escape from her solitude, had given up her ability to help humans when she was summoned. She had given all of that up, just to help one human, just to help Cat.

And Cat hadn't been able to accept that. And why should she? Kara hadn't accepted her death, so why should Cat accept Kara's fall?

 _"She always comes when I call her, she always comes back to me! I just need to-"_

 _"She wanted you to live, mom. For her, it was worth it."_

Cat had felt so lost then, because what could she do? They were supposed to be together in eternity, even then, they were supposed to have already been there. But Kara had gone ahead, and Cat couldn't follow. Oh sure, she could, but that would destroy everything Kara had done. Cat could have followed, but that would render Kara's sacrifice pointless. Cat still wanted to follow, but…

Carter had started brushing away her tears, even as his own had been falling. Carter had been touching her, trying to offer comfort, and Cat had known that her earlier thought, that Kara had done all of this for her alone had been a mistake. Kara would have done it for just her, of course she would have, but Kara had also done it for Carter. Kara had placed their son's future in Cat's hands, and Cat's life. Kara had, as usual, placed everyone else ahead of herself. Cat had always loved that about her, but there, in that moment, waking up to those words, Cat had hated it, even as she had known how misplaced that hate was.

Cat had hated it because Kara had blocked her into a corner, Kara had left it so that Cat couldn't come to join her, not right away. Kara had done that, because she had left Cat behind, yes, but she had also left Carter, and Kara had left the responsibility of raising Carter to Cat.

That was the moment when Cat had first looked away from him, it had started then, and had lasted for the two weeks that had followed. Cat had turned away because looking at Carter meant acknowledging that there was more to Kara's decision than a selfish act, more than just sacrificing herself so that her favorite human could stay alive. It meant that Cat couldn't be angry, couldn't rage, or scream, and right then, when she had first felt Kara's absence, first heard those words, Cat had needed all of her anger just to keep breathing.

 _"She wanted me to tell you that it was her choice."_

Cat had needed her anger to keep breathing because Kara had made a choice, a choice without consulting Cat, and Cat needed her anger because without it she could understand that choice, even though she did not want to, because if ever there was an argument against free will, Kara would be it, but even so, those words, hearing them, they would make it impossible for her not to understand.

Which was why Kara had left her with those words. She could have left any message, ended with 'I love you,' or 'I'm sorry,' but no, no, she had ended with that other phrase, 'my choice.' Kara had ended with that because it was final, because 'I love you' was something Cat already knew, and 'I'm sorry' was an apology Cat would never understand, but 'my choice?' That was something Cat couldn't protect herself against. It was final because Cat recognized the words, and because when Cat heard them, when, despite all her attempts to block them from her mind, when she heard that phrase completed, Cat knew that she didn't have any power to alter what had happened. Because 'my choice' was something that Cat could know, something that, if she looked past her anger, that she herself would have _no choice_ but to understand.

 _"She wanted me to tell you that it was her choice."_

Cat had wanted to curse and damn Kara, but the girl had already beaten her to it.

/

Alex ran after Kara, watching as her sister faded away. Alex ran after her, reaching, her hands falling through Kara's body over and over again. Alex ran after her, screaming Kara's name, and it was never enough. But still, Alex continued to run.

She continued until another voice joined hers, until a second pair of hands entered the dream, until those hands, instead of helping her catch Kara, those hands began to pull at her, to pull her away. She tried to knock them back, because didn't they understand that she needed to catch Kara, to grab her before she disappeared? But those hands kept coming, kept shaking her, and that second voice was calling her name, and as a result, the image of Kara was getting further and further away.

Alex woke up with a cry, Kara's name still on her lips, even as strong arms were wrapping around her, cradling her and doing what they could to stop her tears, whispering words of comfort. Alex woke and she let her tears fall, this night, as they had so many nights in the past. They fell so often because Alex still got these nightmares, even over four years later, Alex would still go to bed at night wondering if she would be forced to relive those last moments, to relive that day when she had watched, helpless, as Kara had slipped away, watched Kara's sad smile disappear into a swirl of shadows.

Alex still got these nightmares, and even though she would always wake up in the arms of another woman, Kara was never there.

But Astra was, and that, at least, was something.

Astra had also been there that day, when everything had changed. Astra had been there when it had all happened, because that time Alex hadn't said no to Astra's offer to fly them out faster. As soon as the call had been traced Astra had picked her up and the two of them had left, arriving just in time for Hank to inform them over the radio that they had hacked Lord's security network, and so they could approach without worrying about being detected.

They had gotten there as fast as they had been able, but it had still been too late. It had been too late, except that sometimes, sometimes Alex found herself wishing that they had gotten there even later, just by a few seconds. Sometimes Alex found herself wishing that they had arrived in the moment after Kara had disappeared, that she hadn't seen that, hadn't seen the final seconds of the Devil's life on Earth.

Because it had truly been the Devil in that moment. Cat had been dead, and Kara had no longer been even remotely something of this world. Kara had shifted into her true self and, whereas before her power had had limits, in that moment, she had been unstoppable.

Not that Alex had really been able to feel the change, her mortal mind hadn't been capable of processing the difference between the immense presence she had felt when Kara was still, whatever it was that she had been when she was still bound to Earth, and the even greater presence Kara had become once that bond had been lifted. No, Alex hadn't been able to comprehend the difference but she had still seen the shadows, and she had known that the woman in front of her was no longer supposed to be there, but that she was there anyway, and that she was doing something extraordinary, but also forbidden.

And Alex had only been able to watch, to scream for Kara as her hands had passed uselessly through Kara's body, she had only been able to cry out, but accomplish nothing. And if she had arrived just a few seconds later they would still have been in time to restrain Lord, but Alex wouldn't have had to watch as Kara fell from this world.

Alex wouldn't have had to watch her sister die.

Sure, she knew that for Kara, it wasn't really dying, but that was what it had felt like, what it still felt like, even now. And if they had just arrived…

And that feeling, that wish, it clawed at Alex, twisting in her gut as a guilt that she could not rationalize, or make go away. She always felt guilty when she awoke from these nightmares, guilty because she hadn't been able to save Kara, but even more, even more she felt guilty because she would wake up, and she would wish that she hadn't been there, as if it would be easier, somehow, if she hadn't had to witness that. And Alex would also feel guilty because, even though she would accept the comfort of Astra's arms, some part of her was mad at the other woman, mad because Astra had been there, Astra should have shared her pain, but Astra had looked away.

Astra had been moving towards Lord, not looking at Kara, and sometimes Alex felt so angry and jealous about that. Alex felt jealous that Astra hadn't seen Kara disappear, jealous that Cat, covered in blood and unconscious, didn't have to live with that image, and jealous of Carter, who had followed them, and who had struggled into the room, crawling because of the kryptonite, but was too late to see Kara fall.

And then she would remember that smile, the one Kara had offered her in the end. Alex would remember that she had seen the thanks in Kara's eyes, and known that Kara was grateful that she had been able to see Alex, one last time. And that only made it all the worse because Alex knew that if she had arrived seconds later, her own mind might be spared that image, but Kara… Kara wouldn't have had that last moment of peace.

And when it came down to it, whether she had seen it or not, Alex knew that she would probably still get the nightmares. She would still get them because it was impossible not to remember, not just because of the hole that Kara's absence had left in her life, but also because Maxwell Lord was still alive.

He had been taken back to the DEO, locked away somewhere deep and dark, somewhere they knew he would never be able to escape, but Alex still had to deal with him because she was one of the few people authorized to see him, one of the few that his secrets could not harm. One of the few, just her, Astra, Hank, Lucy, Carter and… Cat.

But Carter and Cat never saw him, and so for the most part, the task of dealing with him fell to just four people.

It had been so strange to Alex, at first, the fact that Cat had never asked about him, but after the first time she had seen Cat trying to summon Kara, Alex had understood.

It had occurred just a three weeks after everything had happened. Alex had gone over to check on Cat, using the key she had gotten from Kara long ago to open the door when no one had answered. She had walked in, moving through the house, and when she had finally found Cat, she had gotten her answer.

Carter had been there as well, watching, unable to do more than that. He had been watching as Cat chanted and paced, moving around a summoning circle that had taken the place of the dining room table and chairs. Carter had shaken his head at her when Alex had approached, and she had closed her mouth, stopping Cat's name from leaving her lips, knowing by the look in Carter's eyes that it would be pointless.

She would find out later that Cat had already been at this for hours, and that this wasn't remotely the first time Cat had stayed up all night, pleading with her Kiera to come home. And as Alex had watched, seen the lost look, the desperation, the pain, as Alex had seen the clear focus, she had understood. Cat never asked about Lord, not because she wasn't angry with him, not because she didn't blame him, but because she couldn't let herself get distracted.

Cat couldn't think about Lord because he didn't matter, and Cat could not let anyone come in between her and Kara, Cat could not admit that someone had had that power, Cat could not reduce Kara's choice to something as insignificant as Maxwell Lord.

And so Cat wouldn't ask about him, would never ask about him. Cat would let him waste away in his forgotten cell because he didn't deserve anything more. And now it was four years later and Alex knew that Cat was still trying to call Kara back to her, even as Alex herself was still waking up to the nightmares of Kara disappearing.

But at least, unlike Cat, Alex had someone to hold her at night through the pain.

She and Astra lived together now, Astra had relocated to National City several months after Kara had fallen, around the time they had started to phase out the fake Supergirl, eventually announcing that she had returned to her home, although continuing to keep the details vague as to just where, exactly, that home was.

So Astra had become National's Cities hero, and Metropolis was fine. Astra would still go back when there was a major threat, and in the last year or so she had even had time to go back more often, more frequently because National City now had a second superhero, because National City now had...

Carter had finally revealed that Kara had given him one final gift, that Kara hadn't just saved Cat, but that she had also cast her power over her son as well. Carter had showed them the pendant, the Supergirl 'S' shaped from a strange metal, something that clearly was not of this world. Carter had explained that when Kara had reached out to him, she had pressed her power over him, drawing one of his own feathers and reshaping it, reforming it into this mark. He had attached it to a string and when he placed it over his head an illusion would fall into place, one that hid his wings even when they were extended, one that hid what he really was from the rest of the world.

It even hid the wings from Carter, something he had explained with some annoyance. Not even Carter could see through the illusion, and so when he wore the necklace only Cat could still see his true form. Alex had thought he wouldn't want to want to wear it all the time as a result, but she had actually never seen him take it off. He had told her that once he turned 25 the illusion would shift to also show him aging, and so he would have to wear it continually then, but even now, before he reached that point, he preferred to keep it on, to feel it against his chest.

He chose to wear it because Kara had offered him a place in her family, Kara had given him the choice as to whether or not to accept it, not forcing it on him, but offering that if he wanted, he could take her crest as his own, offering him more than just a disguise, but also a sort of adoption. And Alex knew that there was someone else who had that mark, she wasn't sure of the details, but she knew now that there was one other person, one other Angel, but that he had rejected the crest after Kara had fallen. Alex knew that someone who was supposed to be Kara's family had turned away from her, and so Alex also knew how hard it must have been for Kara to offer that mark to someone else, someone who could so easily reject it as well.

Which was why Carter would not take it off, because he was proud and honored to be a part of Kara's family. He might not ever get to tell her that he had accepted her gift, but he would tell the world, he would tell everyone else.

And he had done just that the day he had turned 18 when he had put on his own suit. He wasn't as strong or as fast as Kara, not nearly as powerful, but he was still…

Superman.

Carter was Superman, and the entire world knew that he was the son of Supergirl, here to stand for her and carry on her legacy, to carry on the hope and love inspired by that crest.

/

Kara looked at the emptiness, the nothingness around her, taking in what had become of her vast palace in Hell. She had destroyed it, that building of ice and glass, her grand castle with its imitation of human life. In its place she had built her home, the apartment she had shared with Cat and Carter, replicating everything, down to the smallest detail. She had captured the pictures that hung on the walls, she had left an open bottle of wine and two glasses on the kitchen counter, and she had even rumpled the bed in just that way, making it almost perfectly, but not quite, because Cat could never get that one corner just right.

Kara had made it all perfectly, and then she had destroyed it because it could never be real, not in this place.

How many times? She had lost count, because she at once could not stand having her home, and knowing that it wasn't real, even as she also could not stand _not_ having it. And so how many times had she built her fake refuge, only to tear it down, to rip it apart as easily as she had ripped herself from the true one. How many…?

She didn't know.

She looked at the emptiness around her, wondering how long she would be able to stand it this time, before she would have to build that place again. Could she go for longer, now? Could she? She wasn't very human anymore, not like she had been, when she had first come back.

When she had first returned she would still breathe, still pretend to be something she wasn't. She had destroyed the clothes she had been wearing, clothes soaked in Cat's blood, but she had made new ones, new clothes that she had also destroyed the first time she had destroyed that home. And when was the last time she had even bothered to make clothes when she had made the home? How many repetitions ago? She didn't remember, just as she didn't remember when she had stopped breathing, stopped pretending to sleep, stopped, just… stopped being human.

And now, right now, there was an emptiness around her, and all that was left in this place to remind her of her life was the collar around her throat, the one thing she would never destroy.

But maybe 'how many times' was the wrong question, it was wrong because it showed just how separated she had become from that place, that other life. It was wrong because it was only concerned with this place, only concerned with what happened in Hell, what happened to her alone.

Maybe the correct question wasn't 'how many,' but 'how long.'

Because how long _had_ it been, Kara wondered, how many years had passed on Earth after her fall? Did Cat ever ask that question? Did Cat ever get lost, thinking about her, forgetting the passage of time? And was Cat ok, was Carter? Cat must be so mad at her, and she wished she could look in on them, just to check. She couldn't though, she had tried, but that world was completely sealed off, completely lost to her now, and so she didn't know.

She didn't know, but still, she kept asking the questions.

Had Carter accepted her gift? Maybe she shouldn't have done that, offered him a place in her family. She knew he was thankful for what she had done when she had fallen the first time, but even so, after all of this he would still go back to Heaven, and there, in that place, she was not a figure that was loved.

Most of the newer Angels, those that had been born as mortals, most of them wouldn't recognize the mark, and even if they did, they would see it only as a backwards version of Kal-El's crest. But the original Angels, every last one of them would know what it meant. They wouldn't be openly hostile to him, of that she was sure, they weren't capable of it, but that didn't mean that they wouldn't treat him differently, wouldn't shy away, just a bit.

Carter would know that, would have understood what she was offering, understood that if he accepted he would be tying himself to Lucifer, the one who had destroyed the perfect little Heaven as it had existed for the original Angels. And would Carter want that? He did care about her, love her, even, but would he want to show an allegiance to her? Because he must love the original Angels as well, maybe not as fiercely as Kara did, because they hadn't been his family until after his death, but they were his family now, and he must love them for it. And true, she hadn't asking him to pick between them, not at all, but even so, was it wrong of her to offer an Angel, one who would be an Archangel someday, to offer one such as him the mark of the Devil?

Maybe he would wear it on Earth, to protect himself, to grow old there, maybe he would wear it there and take the power, but not accept the offer. Maybe he would do that, but then abandon the mark when he returned to Heaven. Because he could do that, he could, because she had only offered, she hadn't forced it upon him.

Not like she had forced it upon Cat.

And she had done that, had forced it upon Cat in the moment when she had altered reality without permission. If there had been a contract in place it would have left a temporary mark, the tattoo that would be removed when Kara called in her end of the deal. But without that contract, well, the mark would be more permanent. In order for her to interfere with Cat she had had to force a bond, she had had to make Cat part of her family in a way that exceeded anything she had done before. It meant that when Cat died she wouldn't get a choice. Cat's wouldn't understand it, but Kara's family mark, the 'S' was now imprinted on Cat's soul. Carter could still reject it, but Cat…

It meant the risk that Cat would question it, question why she had been reborn with that symbol, but there hadn't been another way, and Cat would hold that crest for eternity, because Kara had taken away Cat's choice.

"She still calls for you, you know," and suddenly the emptiness was no long quite so…

"Father?"


	12. Chapter 12

"Lucifer," there was a smile in his voice, a smile she saw on his lips when she turned around. He was standing there, not really there, of course, if God actually came into Hell, well, that would send ripples throughout existence, it would threaten everything. Even what he was doing now was a risk, appearing as an image, a projection of Hank, the father she had adopted on Earth. It was a risk because Hell was supposed to be a place to hold her, the banished, it was not a place for one such as God.

"Father, you shouldn't, you can't…" she tried, but her voice trailed off because truthfully, part of her didn't care about the consequences right now. She hadn't been in her father's presence, not even in this image form, for so long, and even beyond that, she had been alone again, for an unknown amount of time. She knew she should care, should tell him to leave right away, but part of her, the selfish part, the part that maybe still remembered a little bit of what it had been like to pretend to be human and to have other people, that part held her back.

Because how long had it been, really? She couldn't map time anymore, didn't even have the ability to see into Earth, and so time here could not even be understood in relation to any other realm. One word spoken by God could equal a year on Earth, or maybe everything that had occurred, all the building and destruction, maybe all of that had happened over the course of a single second. And so she should tell him to leave, should remind him that it wasn't safe, but she couldn't, because time was meaningless, and she might never get another chance to talk to someone, to see another person, ever again.

His smile turned sad, as if he could read her thoughts, and his image took a step closer. She knew he wanted to reach out and touch her, but his hand would only go through her, and so he held back.

"I'm sorry," she saw the tear fall, his, not hers, "when I created you, I knew you were born for pain, I knew it, and yet I made you anyway. It was wrong of me, but I couldn't bring texture to the universe, not by myself, and so I made you, but I never imagined…"

"It's not your fault, father, none of this is," she wanted to fall into his arms, to feel the touch, the hold of another, but it was impossible.

He shook his head at her words, "maybe not this second part, but the first, that, that was my fault. You were the most beautiful thing I ever created, Lucifer. I put everything I had into you, and look what you did. Look at how wonderful the world is now, the light, the mortals, I wasn't capable of that on my own. Not without you. I created you to suffer because I couldn't do this by myself. The first fall was my fault, and all the time you spent alone in Hell after that, only leaving when you were summoned, that was my fault as well. It was my fault because I wanted you to fall, and even though I could have let you back into Heaven, I didn't."

"I know why though, father, and it's ok, I accepted that a long time ago," and it was true. She might feel hurt, but she understood. If he allowed her back into Heaven it would disrupt so much. There would be too much power concentrated there, and it would open the possibility for her to fall again. If another Angel fell it wouldn't be so bad, they didn't have the power to remake existence, but Kara… where she was now, secluded in Hell, her power was contained. She had fallen from Heaven and brought light into the world, and that was good, that was as God had intended, but what could she do if she was allowed back into Heaven? If she was no longer bound by the laws that governed Hell? No longer bound by the laws that had held her in check for so long?

God had stepped down from power because he had wanted his creations to have free will, he didn't interfere because he wanted them to make their own choices, and for the same reason, Kara could not go back to Heaven.

Kara could not go back because her desire to help was too strong. He had made her that way, made her unable to stop herself. Her desire to save and protect was overwhelming, and so she could not be trusted to stand back. Kara had good intentions, but she had served her purpose, and now she was too powerful to return to Heaven, too powerful to exist without the limitations placed on her by this place, too powerful to be free. And she had accepted that, accepted her fall from grace.

She had accepted that, but her father?

"But this second part, what happened when you were on Earth, I couldn't predict that. I'm not omnipotent anymore, Lucifer, I haven't been since you fell the first time. Before that, I knew what I was doing when I created you, when I named you, but this…"

"Is she all right?" Kara tried to change the subject. She didn't want to hear her father apologizing for things she already knew. It was too hard, hearing that, both of them understanding that things could have been different. It was too hard, thinking about the fact that he could so easily let her come back with him, but knowing all the reasons why he shouldn't, admitting that the reason she couldn't go back to Heaven had nothing to do with his will, and everything to do with her own.

"I never wanted to hurt you this way, Lucifer," he ignored her interruption, continuing on, "I know what happened before, secluding you here, I know that hurt, but this..." he didn't have to say it, it was obvious. It was obvious that this hurt more because she had never been in love before, and now… now she knew what she was missing. "I was selfish, Lucifer. I used you, and I shouldn't have. I should have made you like all the rest, I should have been content with an existence without light and darkness, I should have…"

"No, stop, please," she couldn't hear this, not after everything she had sacrificed, "don't, father, please don't. You may have known what I would do, but you still didn't make me do it. It was my choice, and this, all of this, don't undermine everything I've given up by saying that it should have been different. Just, just don't. Don't take the importance away from me, it's all I have left."

"It doesn't have to be," as he spoke he took another step closer, raising his arm so that the image of his hand was hovering just above her cheek, close enough that he could almost touch, that his power could almost cross the distance, almost manifest itself if he chose to make his form real. "She still calls for you, and I can send you back, to Earth, to her. I can give you back your life. If you just ask."

That was all it took, the suggestion of seeing Cat again, the thought of that woman, and suddenly Kara's heart began beating again in her chest, racing as it hadn't in so long, making her _human_ , almost. She could… what he was suggesting… Cat…

And then she realized the truth, realized all of what he was offering, and in the next instant she slammed down on her heart, forcing it to seize and stop, forcing the pretense of life out of her body.

"No!"

/

Cat stared down at the ring that was grasped tightly in her hand, looking at it for a long moment before shifting her gaze to take in the light streaming in through the open windows, the light that singled the end of this round of summoning.

It was something she always did now, stopping when the light came in. She would call for Kara through the darkness, but when the light came, when morning came, she would stop. She would cease her call and she would pause for a moment, looking at that ring, and then, inevitably she would slide it back onto her finger, instead of Kara's.

She stopped when the light came because she needed to set boundaries, boundaries because otherwise she would spiral, otherwise she would have episodes where she just couldn't stop, and because if she didn't set limits, she would slip back into the person she had been when Kara had first disappeared. That lost, broken person that could only focus on the fact that Kara was gone, and that Kara had left her behind.

It would be so easy to give in to that, because even now, years later, she was still angry. Even now she still had moments where it was hard to breathe, where she would wake up not remembering that Kara was gone, and when she did remember, it would threaten to destroy her all over again. Even now it still hurt every time she called, and Kara did not come.

And so she had to set boundaries because despite all of that there was something that _had_ changed over the years, and for all the times that she did wake up, all the times she felt that pain when finding herself alone in her bed, for all of that, there were also days where she would wake up and it wouldn't hurt quite as much.

At first she had hated those days. She had hated those mornings where it was easy to breathe, where her mind was clear. She hated them because they had felt like a betrayal, like the fact that she could smile, and mean it, meant that Kara hadn't been important to her. At first, she had hated the fact that Kara's loss hadn't completely obliterated her, but slowly, slowly she had begun to realize how wrong that was. She had begun to realize how waking up and being able to enjoy her day, how it wasn't a betrayal, but rather a celebration of the life Kara had given her.

Because it was a life, she could see that now.

She still wanted Kara back, of course she did, which was why she still called, why she would continue to call. She still wanted her Kiera at her side, but when the light would come and signal a new day, it would remind her of the future Kara had given her, and Cat would always stop calling for her Kiera, at least for that moment. She would stop because if she didn't she would lose sight of this life, and she was terrified of that, of the possibility that someday she would start calling for Kara, and never stop, that she would waste this time that Kara had left for her.

And so she would stop and put the ring back on her finger, and when she left that room, the side room that had been converted into a permanent summoning space, Carter would always be waiting for her, and she wouldn't be able to stop herself from smiling. She wouldn't be able to stop herself from feeling grateful because even in those moments, where she had once again failed to bring Kara back, even then she could also see what she would have missed if Kara had let her die.

She would have missed Carter's high school graduation, and then, most recently, his college one, neither of which would have even happened if Carter had returned to Heaven. She would have missed the joy she had felt watching Carter transform into an adult, into Superman, and the pride she had experienced when CatCo had expanded and subsumed the _Daily Planet_. And even as she hated that Kara hadn't been able to be there for those things, the large things, the momentous things, as she also hated that Kara wasn't at her side for all the smaller triumphs and sorrows, all the almost insignificant moments that made up a life, even as she hated that Kara wasn't there for any of them, she still…

Still Cat had a life to live, a family, and, even if the most important person was physically missing, Cat could smile because she still had so much. And how could Kara truly be missing when none of this would have been possible without her?

Cat was making memories to share with Kara, and someday, even if it didn't happen in this lifetime, someday Cat _knew_ that she would get to share them. Cat knew she would talk to her demon, and watch as Kara's face crinkled with laughter at hearing her stories, as that face would tilt to the side with confusion at others, or even as those eyes would shed tears at still more. And so Cat was grateful because she would have so many memories to share with Kara, even as she also knew that she would have an eternity to make new memories with the girl. And that made it all slightly better.

But this last round of summoning, it had been different. In recent years her late nights had fallen into a pattern, and even though they always ended without Kara answering her, each time it had seemed slightly easier, slightly less painful to accept that Kara hadn't answered. But this last night…

It wouldn't just be Carter waiting for her when she left this room, Alex and Astra would be there as well. They always came on the anniversary of Kara's disappearance, always spent the night, not sleeping, but waiting up in the living room with Carter, waiting for her to come out and join them. And that was another thing she had to thank Kara for, another thing she could be grateful for.

Grateful that she had these people to mark the year, grateful that they spent it with her, sending their hopes with her, that they were there to comfort her when yet another year passed. And she was also grateful that they were here to give her something to do, someone for _her_ to comfort, because that helped as well. It helped to know that she wasn't helpless, that, even if she couldn't bring Kara back, she could still continue on with what Kara had started. That she could greet Kara's family, her family as well, now, that she could greet them in the morning light and that she could help them, could offer a hug and a smile, that she could stand for Kara and make sure that Kara was never forgotten.

And the last two years she had even enjoyed this day, the day after the anniversary. They would all spend it together, talking about Kara, remembering, and they would also talk _to_ Kara, sharing the things that had been going on in their lives. Cat always commented these events to memory, maybe Kara could hear them, and maybe she couldn't, but either way Cat was adding their stories to her own memories, holding everything together so that when she found Kara again, she could make sure that Kara knew that she had been included, that even if her physical presence had been gone, she was still very much a part of their lives.

But this year…

They didn't know, those people who were waiting for her. They didn't know the significance of this year in particular, they didn't know what seven years meant. Because that was how long it had been, seven years. It had been seven years since Kara had disappeared, and, as the light filtered in through the windows, that count became seven years and one day, and it was officially the longest Kara had ever been away from her since they had first met.

And so this year was harder because some part of her had been holding out for this day, some part of her had been clinging to the idea that, even in a time when Kara hadn't really known her, she still had only been able to stay away for seven years. That even before Kara had fallen in love with Cat, seven years was her limit, seven years was the most Kara could stand to be without her human. And some part of Cat had been fixated on that, believing that Kara wouldn't be able to let any more time pass, that Kara would not be able to stay away for longer, that Kara would find some way of coming back to Cat before the seven years slipped by.

But seven years had passed, and still, still Kara hadn't answered her call.

And even though it had been getting easier, as the years passed, this year, this last night had been different, because if a Kara who was only intrigued by her couldn't stay away for longer than seven years, then how much harder would a Kara who loved her fight to come back? If there was any way for Kara to return to Cat, wouldn't she take it? Rather than let seven years and even one more instant pass?

Which was why this year was harder.

Should she break her rule? Cat wondered, staring out the window at the light again. Should she keep going, should she refuse to let this marker slip away? Maybe if she just… one more time…

 _"No."_

If she started again now she wouldn't stop. Not for hours, not until she collapsed, or until one of those people waiting for her in the other room came to get her, not until they dragged her away. And she couldn't do that to them. They were in enough pain, she knew that, they didn't need the additional burden of knowing why this year was different, of knowing that this year Cat was closer to the edge then she had been since the first months after Kara had left them all behind.

Cat couldn't do that to them because she needed to be strong, for Kara. She needed to be strong because when she walked out of this room, she would _feel_ the girl, would know that Kara was still, somehow, there. She would see Kara's face in the pictures on the walls, see Kara's smile on Carter's face, and she would recognize Kara's touch in the hugs that were exchanged so easily and freely now, between all of them.

She would just…

Kara was still here, and Cat needed to honor that.

And so, not wanting to keep them waiting, knowing that they would be looking for her, now that the sun had risen, now that the light was streaming across Cat's face, Cat slowly placed the ring back on her finger, smiling to herself in pained comfort as it settled there so easily. Its weight was so familiar now, as if, maybe, the ring would always be there, on her finger, instead of Kara's.

As if her own finger was where the ring belonged.

Because yes, the ring did belong on Cat's finger now, even as she still longed to give it to Kara. But it did belong with her, belonged as a reminder. Kara might not be here, and maybe it had now been longer then they had ever been apart, maybe every single day from now on would be a new record, every moment that passed would mark the longest time, all over again, but even so…

Cat would wear the ring and continue to call for Kara, because she would not let this destroy her. Cat would not let anything destroy her connection to her Kiera.

/

"No!" Her rejection of his offer came out much harsher than she had indented, but it needed to be harsh. It needed to be because it was panicked, because it was so tempting, and because she knew that she had to say no anyway. She had to say no because a moment after he had offered she had realized the truth, realized the whole of what he was prepared to do for her, and there could be no other answer.

She had to say no because her father was offering to destroy everything, unmake everything, just for her.

God had laid down rules, and she had broken one of them, knowing full well what the consequences would be, just as now, she also knew what they would be if she let him do this. Only this time it wouldn't just be her that was lost, it would be everything. It would be everything because if her father sent her back now it would destroy all of existence. Not right away, of course, it would take time for existence to unravel, but it would create a paradox. It was different than just letting her back into Heaven, because falling that first time, that hadn't broken a rule, there hadn't been any rules then, there had only been the gray, nondescript universe. But the rules he had created after, those governed everything now, and even if it was God himself stepping in, it would still create a contradiction. He was too powerful, and his law that had sent her back to Hell would war with the power he used to return her to Earth. She would get to live out her life with Cat and Carter and Alex, yes, it wouldn't crumble that quickly, but when she was done, existence would disappear.

God would remain, he would remain and he could start over, but everything else would vanish, cease to exist, maybe even never have been. And so she had to give this answer.

"I gave you such a great burden, Lucifer, let me lift that."

"No." Her first refusal had been said in a harsh panic, and this second one was almost a plea, desperate because she had not been expecting that he would be willing to do this, to go this far for her, and she needed to beg herself not to take it. She couldn't take it. She would be so happy, yes, but he had made her too well, and she could not let him destroy everything just to give her her happy ending.

"You asked me for something. You've never asked me for anything before, never. You never begged me to take you back, you never asked me to lift your exile, but you asked for her. You asked me to keep her safe, and for what it's worth, she asked me for you, as well."

"And?" Because this was it, what she cared about most, Cat, how was Cat?

"And once again I can't do this on my own. Once again, I need you. She is safe, and successful, and happy, or as happy as she can be without you at her side, but if you truly want her to be safe, then you have to let me send you back. It won't be the same, I'll have to tear down all my restrictions, break all the rules I set in place, but until existence unravels you will be able to keep her safe."

Lift all the restrictions? But yes, he would have to do that. He couldn't send her back without disbanding the rules that had caused her second fall. It would mean that the Kara who went back to Earth wasn't the Supergirl who had left, but rather, that she would be her true self, her full, powerful, demonic self. It would mean that she would exist in the mortal realm without limitations.

"The entire mortal realm will be yours, Lucifer. You can shape it as you see fit, you can stop her aging, reverse it, even. And you can remake the world, anyway you want, and be happy."

"Until it all ends," because it would, and how long would she get? A hundred years, a thousand? Would it be worth it?

"Until it ends," he agreed.

"No," and it was final this time, they both felt it, because she wanted to live with Cat, yes, but not at that cost. And even if she had been willing, had thought that the destruction of everything was worth it for a life with Cat, she didn't want it. Not like that.

She didn't want it like that because how long would she be able to resist? How long before she altered reality, not just for Cat, but for others? How long before her desire to help meant that she would use her power to stop all crime, how long before her good intentions slowly chipped away at the freedom she had given mortals with her first fall? How long before she couldn't help herself?

She would turn into the demonic figure from Goethe's _Faust_ , into his Mephistopheles, the spirit of negation, and every action that she took would serve to both support and undermine her very nature.

She hadn't been allowed back into Heaven because she would have just fallen again the next time she had wanted to make a change, and this, this was no different. It was too much power, and she needed to stay in Hell.

Kara was the Devil not because she was evil, but because she could not stand back, not without walls to hold her down. Kara was the Devil, and this place, this Hell, it was where she belonged.

/

It wasn't an anniversary this time, as Cat called for Kara, called and waited. Well, it was an anniversary, but not the kind that anyone else would recognize, not one that would have meaning to anyone aside from Cat. It wasn't a yearly marker of Kara's disappearance, but this date was still important, and when the sun rose, it would mark yet another passing.

This date had meaning because Kara's time in her life had been engrained into Cat's soul, and all of it had mattered. There had been those first seven years when Kara had stayed away, and then the ten years that followed, the ten years before Kara had kissed her. After that there had come the six months before Carter had appeared, and then the five following years of the three of them living as a family. Then there had been the three months of Kara's imprisonment in the DEO, and then…

Kara had been in her life for just over twenty-two years and nine months. And now, today, it had been exactly that long since Kara had disappeared. It had been exactly that long and, in a few minutes when the sun rose and Cat put the ring back on her finger, yet another milestone would have passed.

Because in another few minutes it would start a new count, in another few minutes there would no longer be some way to mark the passage of time in relation to Kara's presence in her life. In another few minutes Cat would have to shift her mind, to transition from thinking about how long Kara had been a physical person in her life, to thinking about how much longer Cat had had to live without her.

And maybe… maybe that would be ok.

Maybe it would be ok because it had been twenty-two years and nine months, and Cat was still in love with Kara, still calling for her, still so very aware of Kara's influence on everything she did, but she was also aware of something else. She was also aware that Kara was not human.

She had always known that, of course she had, but still, some part of her had always wanted to show Kara this human life, had always wanted to let Kara experience this world that the girl had created. But as Cat had aged, as she aged, and as she watched Carter stay the same, she had realized something intrinsically, something she had already known would happen, but never quite processed.

To everyone else it looked like Carter was aging. Kara hadn't been on Earth long enough to make the difference too noticeable, to make it clear that other people saw her differently, but Carter…

It was so strange, looking at him, seeing a twenty-five year old when the rest of the world saw a man in his late-thirties, and it made Cat realize that in this world, here on Earth, she had never really gotten to embrace all of Kara. She had never been able to live as an equal to the demon. She hadn't, because she had never known Kara's home, never understood, truly understood, where Kara had come from. It had all been about exposing her to Earth, to letting her be human, but as a result, she had never gotten to know all of Kara.

Kara should still be here, yes, Cat still wanted her back, but more than that, Cat wanted everything that Kara had to offer. Cat had been able to share a human life with the girl, and she would forever be grateful for that, but it had been limiting to Kara. Of course Cat knew that the girl had loved it, loved getting to experience this place, but that was all it had been, an experience, a game, playing at being human.

And how long could that have lasted? Because it had never been about the human world, not really. It had been about the people, it had been about Cat, and Carter, and Alex. It had been about saving people, and loving them, and sharing a life with them. But Kara's life, her real existence, it was something that wasn't meant for this world, it was meant for something beyond this place.

And how long would it have been before Kara had begun to feel the strain of that limitation? Before she would have begun to suffer, knowing that she was more than this? Knowing that she had the potential within herself to remake the world, but that that power was locked away? How long before Kara would have begun to hurt because she was not human, and, unlike Carter, she had never been human, and so she could never be content with just this world?

And it would have happened. It would have, Cat knew, because the moment Kara had been given an opportunity to use her full power on Earth, she had. And even if Cat hadn't been hurt, eventually Kara would have begun to outgrow her human life once the novelty had worn off, she would have, because breaking the rules to save Cat's life had been more important to her than preserving her own existence, than preserving the status quo.

And Cat recognized that now because Carter wasn't aging, and because it was no longer possible for Cat to think of him as human. He was still her son, yes, but she could no longer look at him, and not wonder about the culture, the world, that Kara had come from, the world that was waiting for her. Cat had shared her own world with Kara, but Kara had never gotten to share her world with Cat.

And Cat wanted to see it.

And so maybe it was all right that Kara was gone, because Kara wasn't really gone, just waiting, and when Cat found her again they wouldn't be together as a human and a demon pretending to be human. No, they would be together as both creatures that belonged, truly belonged in that place, and they would be able to be together in a way that had been impossible here, on Earth.

She was still going to call, of course she was, she would never stop calling, but she was also going to live this life, even as she was also looking forward to the next.

She was going to live this life, this life where Carter now ran the _Daily Planet_ , where he had become Metropolis's superhero, even as he still flew home to visit so often that Cat barely knew he was gone. This life where it wasn't just up to those wearing the 'S' to help, but where she herself had been able to use CatCo to shape the world, to guide people, to shine a light on hope and trust. Where she had been able to use her power in a way that would make Kara so very proud. This life where Kara's family was happy, where Cat was the godparent to Alex and Astra's three children, where she would still work with the DEO, contributing media support to their efforts to keep humanity safe, and where, with every decision she made, she still felt Kara's influence.

Cat was going to keep living her life with these people who were her family, because Kara's presence was still important, and because everything that she did, that they did, was a reflection of what Kara had given them all.

/

He bowed his head slightly, accepting, "then let me leave you with this. If she chooses to search for you, I won't stop her."

"But she won't…"

"Don't underestimate her, or her desire for you, my daughter. She won't remember, but I don't think she'll be content. She's going to question why she was brought into Heaven with your crest. And while, for most Angels, Heaven itself would be enough to placate their curiosity, can you really tell me that you think your Cat will let it go?"

"I don't want that, I don't want her to fall, I want-"

"You want her to be happy, completely happy, and because of that, no one will tell her about the life she left behind. We will give her that chance, but let me ask you, were you happy, before? Were you happy in Heaven?"

"That's different!" Because of course she hadn't been, and not just because she hadn't been capable of true happiness at that time, because even if she had been, if Heaven had already been all that it was now, Kara still wouldn't have been happy. She wouldn't have been, because Lucifer was never meant to be happy with such an existence. Lucifer the Angel was made to strive, to search, to explore, and she could never have been happy, even in a Heaven already filled with light. She could never have been happy because how could she have been, without ever experiencing love? Without ever experiencing Cat?

But that was different.

"It's not, and you know it. You can't have it both ways. You can't believe that she is special enough, important enough, to earn your love, while at the same time also believe that she is just like every other mortal."

"I…" she fought against his words, because it was something she had already been struggling with. She wanted Cat to be happy, that was the most important, the only important thing, and she desperately hoped that Cat would be happy in Heaven. But if Cat wasn't? If it was already too late?

"Build her a home," his voice was firm, authoritative.

"What?"

"You've been building and destroying your home, over and over again. So build it again, only this time make it different, make it last. Make it a home for the future. Didn't you promise her that? Didn't you promise her that you would be waiting?"

Kara's hand flew to the pendant at her throat. Yes, she had done that, she had promised Cat that she would wait, but she hadn't believed it, didn't believe it, not really. She was waiting, but not with faith, she was only waiting because what else could she do? Aside from her mindless building and destruction?

"Believe in her, believe that she will find you, that she will come, and build a home for that future. Build a home for your family, Lucifer."

Could she? Could she really do that? Could she really let herself do something that would make it seem like the possibility of Cat's fall was acceptable? That the idea of Cat joining her wasn't… that maybe Cat would be happier here, with her?

Could she?

Yes. Suddenly it was so clear now, the wrongness, the reason she had been destroying her replica home over and over again. It was wrong because she had been ignoring her promise to Cat, ignoring her belief. Of course she didn't want Cat to fall, didn't want Cat to lose Heaven, but would she herself have accepted it? If their positions were reversed? No, she would not have.

The new home rose up around her and for the first time since she had come back here, she was smiling. Smiling as the home took shape, reminiscent of the apartment she had shared with Cat and Carter, the same colors, the same pictures on the walls, but there was also so much more. Now she added additional flourishes, things that wouldn't have been possible on Earth, rooms filled with a light that was brighter than sunlight, rooms of endless space where they could fly together, rooms that were still unmade, that could be shaped later, places left in a state of flux that would take form only when Cat gave them meaning.

She built all of that, her castle of hope, her castle not for a human family, because truthfully, as much as she had loved being human, or pretending to be, she wasn't, and had never been. Kara could never have been fully human, but Cat, someday Cat would be an Angel, and the possibilities for the two of them then, they were endless.

When she finished she and God were left standing in a central atrium, light streaming in through large, colorful windows. Cat would hate those windows, she knew, and the thought only made her smile more. They were shaped like the ones from the apartment, the ones Kara had slipped in and out of so often, but they were brilliantly colored, shifting to send patterns of light across the room. They were playful, fun, maybe even a little bit tacky, and Kara knew that Cat would look at them and glare, but through her glare she would also smile fondly at Kara. She would make a scathing remark, but secretly, secretly Cat would like what they said about Kara, about the demon who had designed them. Cat might grumble about them, as she had about Kara's clothing style, but in the end, it would only make Cat love her more.

And this, finally, this was a home that Kara would not destroy because even if Cat never came, even if part of Kara didn't want Cat to come, didn't want Cat to lose the happiness of Heaven, it was still a home of hope, because Kara had promised to wait, and she would.

She would wait in this place for Cat and she would believe that if, somehow, if somehow Heaven alone wasn't enough to make Cat happy, then Cat would find her. That if the light of Heaven couldn't give Cat what she deserved, then Kara would be here, waiting to catch Cat, just in case.

And then there was a whisper of power, an almost brush of lips against her forehead, a presence that was both physical, and not, both a manifestation of some great being, and just an image, and Kara had just enough time for a fleeting instant of confusion before her eyes slipped closed and her body froze, a stillness beyond just not being alive.

God didn't interfere, he didn't take an active part in existence, he shouldn't, but for her, for his daughter…

"You are my greatest joy, and my deepest, my only regret, Lucifer," the Hank that was also God looked down at the face of his sleeping child, a sad smile on his face, "I wanted to send you back to Earth, I would have destroyed everything for you, because it was certain that there, at least, you would get to be with your love. On this path, however, I can't guarantee that, I can't guarantee that she will find her way to you, I can't guarantee that you will ever wake up from this, but I can guarantee that no one will hinder her search. And I can guarantee that if she chooses to look, she will find you."

His words trailed off as the father watched his daughter, standing silent in her room of light. He wanted to reach for her, to hold her to him, but instead he backed away and his presence began to dissipate. He had to leave now, even knowing that this would be the last he ever saw of her, but he had to leave, because already the little show of power he had used to put her to sleep was sending ripples through this dimension, threatening to tear down the walls that surrounded Hell and spread it to the other realms. And so he had to leave, and soon, but it had been worth the risk. It had been worth it because now, now Lucifer would not have to face even the possibility of an eternity alone.

"Kiera," he corrected himself out loud. Lucifer was what he had named her, but Kiera, that was who she would become. She was so much more than what he had created now, and when she woke, when Cat was with her, when Cat found the path to Hell, all those past names would fade away, Lucifer, the Devil, even Kara. They would fade away because each name was a stage, each name marked her evolution and her existence, and Kiera, that was her final form.

When Cat came for her Kiera, it wouldn't just be that woman who called her that, anymore. No, because even if, physically, she was still trapped in Hell, all of existence would ring with the name, would recognize it, even as it now recognized the name of Lucifer. When Cat came, when Cat reclaimed this Kiera, it would mark the end of the child he had once named Lucifer.

It would mark the end of the child he had created to suffer and fall, because Lucifer wasn't capable of true, complete happiness, but Kiera…

And so, with one last look at that face, that soft, ever caring face, God left Hell knowing that he had done what he could, knowing that even if Cat never found this place, then at least his daughter was sleeping, and she would never have to exist alone, ever again.

/

There was no answer, of course not, but Cat spoke the name again anyway. She no longer bothered with the summoning room, she hadn't in years, but she still called, knowing that if Kara could come, that that one name was all she would need.

"Kiera," it was soft, whispered because Cat no longer had the strength to speak any louder, but there was also a smile in the tone, because it had been years, and even if Kara didn't answer, Cat was coming.

The smile was also there because she had so many memories to share with her demon. She had lived her life, taken full advantage of the years Kara had given her, both by bringing her back to life that day, and with the way Kara had remade her body to be stronger and healthier than before. Cat had never gotten sick again, every injury she had receive had healed in record time, and now, years later, even when her energy was fading and she could feel her life slipping away, she was still vibrant, her mind still sharp.

She felt a hand in her own, squeezing slightly, and she shifted her gaze to look at her son, Carter, holding her. He had heard her speak the name, and even though he looked sad, she knew that he was also looking forward to the future. He had enjoyed his life here, enjoyed growing up, enjoyed being Superman, but he would be an Archangel soon, something else that was a gift from Kara, the years that had enabled him to complete his task.

And so he had enjoyed this life, but he too, was ready.

And _she_ had enjoyed this life as well, she had been happy. When Kara had first left Cat hadn't thought that that would be possible, hadn't thought that she would ever be happy again, but she had been. She had saved up her years of memories, all the things she would share with Kara, as Kara in turn would get to share her own world. And Cat was no longer angry at the girl, she hadn't been for a long time, because her life had been so wonderful, and she was so very grateful that Kara had let her live it.

She was Cat Grant, and she had concurred the world, and now, at the end of her life, even as much as she wished Kara had been with her for longer, she knew that she had eternity to look forward to, an eternity in Kara's world, and that, that was why she could say Kara's name with a smile, and finally accept that Kara wouldn't be answering her call.

But she spoke Kara's name again, anyway. Not a call this time, but a promise. The name was in her mind, part of her soul. She was going to carry it, along with all of her memories, and she was going to find her demon. And so she continued to speak that name, and when she could no longer say it out loud, she said it over and over again in her mind, thinking it because she wanted it to be the first thing she thought of when she woke up again.

 _"Kiera, Kiera, Kiera. I'm coming, Kiera…"_

Cat's eyes slipped closed, but only for a moment, and when she opened them again she felt so warm, so light, and she couldn't help smiling at the young man who was leaning over her. He was smiling as well, a familiar smile, even if it was one she couldn't quite place. He was wearing a white robe with a strange 'S' on the front, and she knew that he was an Archangel, because she understood things like that now, recognized that, instantly, even as she also knew that she was an Angel as well.

"Kiera?" The word was in her head, reverberating there, and as she spoke she saw recognition in his eyes, excitement, even. Excitement because she knew that word.

What word? It was slipping away.

"Do you remember?" He asked, almost humming with barely concealed hope.

Remember? Remember what? That word? What was the word again?

"Kie-" she frowned, how did it go? How did that word end?

She was frowning as she tried to remember, but then, realizing her expression, she laughed instead. She laughed because she was frowning, and she was probably the first person ever to wake up in Heaven and frown. Because how could someone frown here? How could someone not be happy? How could…?

And what was it again? The reason she had been frowning? It had been a word, hadn't it been?

The man was still looking at her, waiting, but she didn't know what he was waiting for.

"Do you remember?" He asked again, but she could see that although he was still smiling, some of his excitement had faded away with her laugh. But it didn't matter, it wasn't important. It wasn't, was it?

"I think I was looking for something, but…" she looked around her, letting the atmosphere seep into her body, feeling so very happy and content, "I must have found it," she ended, because how could this not be the answer to everything?

It was only when she looked down at herself, when she saw that 'S' also on her own robe, that a hint of her frown returned. She had found what she had been looking for, hadn't she?

What had that word been again? Kie… Ki… K…

Did it matter?


	13. Chapter 13

Did it matter?

No.

Did she really believe that?

Did she?

She wasn't so sure anymore, she hadn't been sure for a long time. She had thought that she was, that first time, that first time she had asked herself that question. She had though that she was sure because no other answer would have made sense. No other answer would fit with how she knew this place to work, but at the same time…

At the same time that answer, that 'no,' it wouldn't let her go.

At the same time, she couldn't stop asking, couldn't stop the question from entering her thoughts, couldn't stop _needing_ to ask it over and over again. She couldn't stop wondering, even as she also could not stop the buzzing in her mind, the ringing that reverberated uncomfortably every time she gave that answer.

Did it matter?

No.

Did she really believe that?

She wanted to, so very much. She wanted to believe that it was the correct answer, because if it wasn't, if it was the wrong answer…

If it was the wrong answer it would mean that something was out of place, and Heaven, this place, this place couldn't be wrong, which would mean that it was her, it would mean that she, Cat, was the one that was faulty. And she did not want that, because who would? Who would want to find a place like this, only to realize that it wasn't where you belonged? Who would want to realize that you were someone who could be offered Heaven, and somehow, for you, it wouldn't be enough? Because if she couldn't be happy here, of all places, something must be wrong with her. Maybe she had been brought here too soon, maybe she was supposed to have had another life, to be reincarnated again, maybe…

She could see the potential of this place, see how she should feel, and sometimes, sometimes she could even reach out a grasp that feeling, if only for a moment. Sometimes she could block out her mind, when she was busy doing something, when she had other thoughts to occupy her. Sometimes she really could forget about that question, just as she had forgotten about the reason to ask. Sometimes she could, but it never lasted, and eventually she would find herself asking again, even as she wanted to just make it stop.

It wasn't like she wasn't mostly happy, she was, it was impossible not to be here, but she wasn't complete. She wasn't… she didn't have… whatever it was that everyone else seemed to feel. And she wanted to feel that way, to be completely at ease, completely confident in this place, this existence, because this was supposed to be the only place where you could find such perfection. Where you could find everything. It was supposed to be, but for her? For her it just…

And so she wanted her doubts to stop, did whatever she could to push them aside, tried so very hard, but still, still, no matter what she did, she could not stop asking that question.

Did it matter?

No.

She couldn't stop, but at least, even if she couldn't prevent herself from asking, at least she could keep saying no, and maybe, maybe she would eventually be able to make herself believe it, really believe. It was what she hoped for, every time she asked. She hoped that if she just kept giving the same answer, that maybe it would become the truth, that maybe that 'no,' would be real. And so she kept giving the same answer because if she did, if she could believe it even for just one moment, she knew the buzzing would go away for the rest of eternity. If just once she could accept that answer with her entire being, whatever had been plaguing her for so long would just… fade away.

Which was what she wanted, wasn't it? Because she was afraid of what would happen if she gave a different answer, if she admitted that maybe it did matter. She was afraid, because then she would have to find out why, and what would happen to her then? If she found out why, if she understood why she felt so, so distant, sometimes, would she have to leave? Maybe knowing would also make the buzzing stop, but would it be worth it? The risk? Was there anything that was worth losing this place? This place where there was the potential for such, such total _joy_? Where she could have everything, if only she could grasp it. And so that reason, whatever it was, how could it possibly be worth it?

She didn't know. She didn't, because she didn't understand how there could be anything that was so important, so meaningful to her, that it could permeate her peace of mind even in Heaven. She didn't understand how it was even possible for something to be so important, that it was holding her back.

That first time she had asked, asking herself if it mattered that she couldn't remember that word, that word that had been with her when she had first woken up, that first time she had answered 'no,' she had given that answer because it had seemed like the obvious response, because whatever it was, whatever that word had been, she knew that she would only remember it if it was actually important.

Because wasn't that how Heaven worked? The knowledge of how this realm worked, of how everything came into being, that stuff, the important stuff, it was the information that she, that they all had woken up knowing. It was the information that was given to them, a gift, and shouldn't that be all that she needed? That, and the two other pieces of knowledge that she had carried with her? Because they did get something, they didn't wake up completely blank. Even if none of them remembered their previous life, or lives, they all still remembered their first name, as well as what they had been before. And so she knew that her name was Cat, and that she had been human, and Heaven allowed for that, but the other stuff? The rest of the knowledge about her past? That was all gone.

And that word, whatever it had been, it was something from her past human life, something that shouldn't matter here, in this new existence, because this was a new life, and only the important stuff remained in her mind. And so it shouldn't matter, it shouldn't but…

She tried to believe that argument, to believe that it was something from the past, something to leave behind, something that wasn't important. She tried so very hard to believe that, but it never quite worked, it never quite convinced her because she had remembered, at least for that first moment. It had been wiped from her mind by now, not even the first letter remaining, but for that first instant, for one brief moment, she had remembered.

Did that mean that it was important? Did that mean that it mattered?

No.

She wanted the answer to be no.

So why did she still ask?

There were other questions she could ask, other questions that would help her figure out what was missing, why she was… whatever it was that she was. There were questions that she knew could help her, but she held them back.

She held them back because she knew that if she asked, that Carter would answer, and then, once she had those answers, there would be no going back. And would it really be worth it?

Carter seemed to think so, but was that enough?

Carter was always trying to get her to ask more questions, always giving her that look that she knew meant he had things he wanted to share, but that he could only tell her if she asked for them. And at first she had even given in to that, had asked a question, but that had been before she had realized that the answers were bringing her closer to, to _something_. It had been before she had realized that the questions and answers, that they were responsible for the itching in the back of her mind, that they were pulling her away from what should be complete peace. And so at first she had asked questions, but once she had realized what was going on, realized what she was risking, she had stopped.

She had stopped, but not before she had asked about the crest, even as she often found herself wishing that she hadn't. But she had, had asked if the two of them were related, her and Carter, and he had told her that yes, they had been. Without going into details he had revealed that he had been sent back to Earth to finish growing up as part of his training to become an Archangel, and that they had known each other, been family there.

As he had spoken he had been staring at her, pleading, almost, begging her to ask the next, obvious question. She had opened her mouth to do it, almost let it slip, but in the end she had turned away. She had turned away, and so she hadn't asked about the meaning of the crest, hadn't asked if he had made it himself, or if he had been given it by someone, and if it was that person, or Carter that had given the mark to her.

She had told herself that it didn't matter because she could guess, could assume that he had given her the mark, because she knew that all the original Angels and the Archangels had such crests, another thing she had woken up knowing. She could have asked him for confirmation, but she had never seen another Angel with that same marking, and so it was easier to assume that Carter had made it for himself when he achieved the appropriate rank. That he had made it, and then, because they had been family on Earth, he had given it to her as well.

And so she hadn't asked, even as the facts, as she put them together in her mind, her guess as to how the crest had come to be, how it had been given to her, even as that chain of events seemed off, even with that feeling she hadn't asked. She hadn't because, just like the answer of 'no,' thinking about another possibility, another way she could have gotten that mark, it was another thing that felt strange in her mind, that felt wrong. She hadn't asked because even if it didn't feel quite right, it was believable, and she did not want to look further.

Instead she had asked that other question, asked if it mattered, and once again, her answer had been 'no.' No it didn't matter because as long as she didn't think about it, didn't ask questions, she had so many other reasons to be happy, so many other things that could almost be enough.

Like her other family, her friends that she had known on Earth. It was common, here, common to collect together, to be drawn to the people you had known in your previous life. Even without memories some bonds were strong enough to outlast death, and so Cat had found herself meeting with people, some of whom had come before, some after, and when she had seen them, when they had seen her, she had known that she loved each and every one of them.

And that made her happy, being with them, but more and more it had also started to seem like maybe it wasn't enough. It wasn't because if it really didn't matter, then why did her family, those people, why was it that sometimes, even when she was surrounded by them, that when she was with them and smiling, why was it that even then she would find herself asking that question? Especially once Alex and Astra had started to train to become Archangels, especially then, because it had forced her to think about her own path forward.

She had briefly considered following them in the training, and she knew she had surprised them all when she had decided against it because she was not the sort of person to let opportunities pass her by, not the sort not to want to stay back and avoid a challenge. But she had refused anyway because there was one challenge that was too much for her, the one that she wanted to avoid, the one that had to do with that question.

Which was why she had decided against it because she had just known that it was the wrong path for her, she had known it, because thinking about advancing in the Angelic ranks had been another thing that had made the buzzing appear in her mind, another thing that made her feel _wrong_ , another thing that made her feel like she didn't belong. Because she didn't want to advance, she wanted something else, and pushing forward, it would only force her to confront, to contemplate, her real desire.

It would make her consider that maybe her desire wasn't to answer that question with 'no' and mean it, but rather, that her real desire was for something else entirely.

But slowly it had started to break, her resolve, it had started to fade away because it was just so hard to keep avoiding the question, and there were points, times when she would be feeling adventurous, when the buzzing just would not stop, and where her frustration would push her to ignore her logic, ignore her preservation instincts. There were times when she would find herself reaching out to her friends, asking them if they ever got the sense that they were in the wrong place, asking them for answers, even as she was also careful to keep her questions limited, to avoid exposing herself too much, to avoid asking for anything that would push her too far.

Alex had been the closest to understanding, she had said that she never felt like she was in the wrong place, but that sometimes, sometimes she felt like she was missing something. She had said that it felt similar to how she had felt before she had found Astra in this realm. Astra hadn't been human in the previous life, and so the woman had had a longer life span, and Alex had explained that until she had found Astra here, she had felt like she was waiting for something. She still got that feeling now, not as strongly, but she said that she thought they must all be waiting for someone else, another person that they had all cared about. And when she had spoken about that, Cat had seen a flash on Alex's face, a recognizable craving, the same kind of craving that made Cat ask herself that question over and over.

But it wasn't as strong for Alex, or anyone else, as it was for Cat, and it never hurt them the way it hurt her. It didn't because they had faith. Faith that whatever it was, it would fix itself eventually, faith that if they were waiting for someone, that person would come, would join them, in the end.

It didn't hurt anyone else the way it hurt Cat because they had faith that this was where they belonged.

But was that right? Was Cat waiting for someone? Was there someone coming for her that would take this all away? Someone that would fix her? She didn't think so. It was almost right, almost… but if she pressed herself, if she really thought about it, instead it felt like someone was waiting for her. Which was why she always made herself stop when she got to that point, not just because the buzzing would be so strong, but also because she didn't want anyone to be waiting for her somewhere else. She just wanted to be happy in this place the same way everyone else seemed to be happy.

She would stop herself from fixating on it, and she would ask the question, asking if it mattered that something didn't quite fit, and as always, she would answer with 'no,' hoping that that time she would believe it. But it had gotten harder and harder to ignore. It had gotten harder to pretend like it was the correct answer, it had gotten harder to convince herself that whatever it was, it really _wasn't_ worth it.

It had gotten harder because Cat was one of the few Angels that paid attention to time.

Of course time didn't really matter, didn't exist properly in this place, but she always _felt_ like she was paying attention to it, always felt like she could feel the moments passing, the non-time slipping away. She felt it because she was constantly striving, constantly searching, and no matter how many times she asked and answered that question, no matter how many times she wanted to stop, she knew that there would be a next time, that there would be a next moment where she would find herself asking, once again.

And so she had taken to wandering, physically searching this realm because maybe, maybe then she could find something here in Heaven that would put her at ease. Because as long as she was looking, was moving, she didn't have to ask the question. Because exploring the world was easier than exploring her own mind.

It had actually been Carter's idea, her exploration, and even if she sometimes wondered if maybe there was more to it, that maybe this physical search was just another way of trying to push her into asking questions, she would ignore that as well. She would push those thoughts aside and throw herself into flight.

And it worked too, to a point. Carter would fly with her, exploring Heaven, and he would have her describe everything to him, nodding with each detail and seeking it out himself. Sometimes she felt like he was quizzing her, like he was testing to see if she could see something he couldn't, but she never took that next step, never asked the next question. She never asked what he was looking for, because every time she thought about asking, the temporary relief that the search would give her, it would come to an end and the buzzing would return.

And so instead she would ask herself that other question.

Did it matter? Did it matter that she didn't feel right? Did it matter that she was looking for something? Did it matter that he was looking for something as well? Did it matter that he so clearly wanted her to ask more questions, did it?

No.

But if it didn't, if it truly didn't matter, then why was she different? Why was it that it wasn't just that one word, the one that had slipped away? Why was it that there would sometimes be other things, flashes of understanding that the other newer Angels seemed to be lacking? Why was it that there were other things that would enter into her mind? Why…

Because it would happen sometimes, knowing things, things that other Angels didn't. She would overhear something and she would know that it was wrong, and she would correct the speaker before she had time to process, to distance herself. It was like the way she had woken up knowing about this realm, about Angels, and God, knowing how it all operated, but for some reason, while everyone knew about Lucifer, and the fall, Cat seemed to know more.

It wasn't much more, and maybe it was all a mistake, but in those moments she was always so very certain. In those moments where she heard someone refer to the demon as male, she always _felt_ that it was wrong. The same thing would happen whenever she heard people speculating about Hell, or about Lucifer's personality. She would get that strange feeling, and it would tug at her, whispering that she should look closer.

She never did.

She never did because every time she overheard, or somehow got drawn into a conversation about that person, she would get that awful ringing in her ears, that buzzing, and she would turn away because she was afraid.

Sometimes she thought about asking Carter, asking if that extra knowledge had come from him, asking if she had inherited it with the crest, but she didn't, because what if that wasn't the case? What if there was something else, another reason why she had this knowledge? What if there was another reason she knew about the Devil?

What if… what if she really didn't belong in Heaven, because the truth was, that she belonged in Hell?

And that was not a question that she wanted to ask.

So did it matter?

No.

No it didn't, because as long as it didn't, Cat wouldn't have to face the truth.

And the truth was, it was…

It was that how could it not matter? How, when she was in Heaven, but she spent most of her time running, searching, trying to force herself to be happy? How could it not matter when she should be at peace, but nothing every quite fit? How, when whenever she looked at the crest on her shirt, whenever she allowed herself to actually contemplate it, in those rare brave moments, how could it not matter when that contemplation would make the vibrations in her mind seem to scream out with an almost physical pain?

How, because it wasn't just her? It was Carter, who was constantly looking at her, trying to read her, trying to push her. It was Alex, who would also get that look sometimes, staring at Cat's mark. Alex, who would reach out and touch it absently, but who would eventually drift away, not feeling the pull as strongly, but still clearly feeling _something_. It was everyone else, everyone else who she knew also felt that something, but who, unlike her, didn't suffer as a result.

And how, because here, in this moment, staring at the door, she felt better then she had ever felt before, and Cat finally had to admit to herself that maybe this was not enough, that maybe it had never been enough. That maybe it did… maybe it did…

She had been searching by herself this time, spurred on by yet another the overheard comment and correction, driven by that need to continue to run and hide away. But while normally the exploration itself would have been enough to calm her down, to stop her mind from reeling, this time, something had been different.

It had been different because she hadn't been able to make herself _stop_ searching, because she had ventured into the Light Field, the one place she had never been before, and it had made her realize in stark reality, just how different she really was.

She was different because people stayed away from this place, this vast stretch of space with neither ground nor sky, just light, as it was aptly named. The original Angels, they never even came close to this place, it was too bright for them, and she knew that it made them uncomfortable.

Once, she had seen one get just a little too close, his brow furrowing in a distinctly displeased expression, followed by a moment of, what she could only assume was surprise, before he had stepped back, rushing away and she had watched his face smooth back into a pleasant, content expression. It had almost been as if getting too close to the light, it had been too strong, and it had started to make him feel. Nothing permanent, nothing extraordinary, but perhaps just a little more than he usually did.

And so the original Angels all stayed away, but the others? Even they tended to avoid this place. They avoided it because it was just so very bright, and while it didn't bother them as much as it did the original Angels, it still made them uncomfortable because there was too much power here, and it was overwhelming. And so most of them stayed away, most of them, except for Carter, and now, apparently, Cat as well.

Carter had tried to make her come with him, on occasion, he seemed to have a higher tolerance for this place than most, but he had told her that that tolerance had only surfaced after he had returned to Heaven. And after he had told her that, he had tried to make her come here with him, but Cat had always refused. This time, however, she hadn't been paying attention and she had ended up on the edge of the field, and by the time she had noticed where she was going she had already taken that first step, that step where she felt the ground disappear from under her, but instead of falling, or flying, she had simply continued to move forward, swimming with ease through the light.

And she had felt it, felt the power, but somehow… somehow it hadn't, didn't, feel strange to her, as she had heard others describe it. Somehow it felt right, natural, almost, as if just like Carter, she also had a tolerance to this level of brightness and power, a tolerance acquired from something she didn't quite know.

Except that she did, because Carter liked it here, and she and Carter both bore the same crest, the same family mark, and that had been the beginning of the end for her, the start of her search that she could not stop. It had started the exploration of this place that continued on well past the time she would normally have stopped and returned to her friends. But this time, this time she couldn't stop, because this light, it felt so beautiful, so wonderful, that for the first time since she had woken up, for the first time she was truly able to consider that maybe, whatever it was, the answer she had been avoiding, that maybe it _was_ worth it.

That maybe it was because she knew it was here, she knew that she was close, and while she was still afraid, she had spent so long running, and here in this place, feeling the light around her body, for the first time the pull was stronger than the fear.

Because this place…

Did it matter?

Did it matter whether Carter had gotten his crest from someone else, or if he had made it himself? Did it matter that she felt different? That she felt better here, that she continued to feel better, the further in she went it? Did it matter that this place was light, and that it made her think about Lucifer, the Light Bringer, about the fact that she knew more about the demon than others seemed to?

Did it matter?

She had been about to answer 'no,' again anyway, out of habit, but that was when she had found the door.

It looked like it was made of some strange, foreign black metal, a material so blindingly dark that it seemed to be radiating a glow. It gave her the impression that this entire field was comprised of just one small spark of light, one tiny ember that had burst into brilliance when it had come into contact with the reflective surface of this door. It was a door of darkness and light, of shadows and possibilities, it was a door that made her think of black, beautiful wings, and it was a door that made her wonder, made her crave, made her…

That word, the first one she had uttered, all that time ago. Did it…

"Does it matter?"

Cat hadn't realized that she wasn't alone, not until the voice had spoken at her side, but she couldn't bring herself to look away from that door, and even if she could have, she didn't think that she should. She shouldn't, because that voice was not the voice of another Angel, she could tell that even without looking, just as she could tell that if she, or any being who wasn't immensely powerful in their own right, anyone who wasn't vastly more powerful than her, if any of them looked for the source of that voice, their minds would never be able to handle what they found.

"Does it matter?" It prompted her again, that voice without form, and she felt it wrap around her, securing her, comforting her, even as it also unsettled her, because she knew it should not be speaking, not be interacting, especially not with her, the Angel could not accept Heaven.

But it had spoken to her, it had, and should she answer? _Could_ she even answer?

"Does it matter?" A third time, and now, now there was a command in that voice, and suddenly she could no longer _not_ answer. And what's more, she could no longer not answer truthfully. She couldn't answer with 'no,' or even 'maybe,' because both of those would be a lie. She knew that, had known it for such a long time, but she had persisted in it because she had been afraid, but now?

Now there was only one truth and she had to give it, because did it matter?

"Yes," she uttered the word softly, her voice cracking with the effort of finally speaking this one syllable. "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes…" because now she couldn't stop. Yes, for all the times she had lied in the past. Yes, for every moment that she had run away. Yes, for every instant that she had been searching, and hadn't found this place, this door. Yes, because of course it mattered, because of course whatever it was, that word, of course it was worth any risk, every risk. Yes, because she still did not understand, but she knew that she wanted to know.

And yes, because she _knew_ what was beyond this door, knew that it was the gateway to Hell, but she also knew that that word, whatever it was, that she would find it beyond this gate. That she would find it, and that she would finally know, finally understand what it was, and why it was so very, incredibly, intrinsically, important.

"Then go," and now the voice was different, that first voice, God's voice, replaced by another.

"Carter?" She still didn't look away from the door, but she felt a hand on her shoulder, and she smiled because she should have known. She should have known that he had been following her, that the moment she had entered this place of light, he would have felt it, and come. She should have known because he had wanted her to come here for so long, because after he had come back as an Archangel, after he had felt how the crest protected him in this place, how it had made him love this place, how could he not have guessed what was hidden here?

"I can't see it, you know," and she did know that, somehow she knew that she was the only one, the only one aside from God, that is, aside from the father that had drifted away as soon as she had given her answer, that could see this door. "I wish I could, it must be beautiful," and his voice was wistful now, and even without looking she could hear the hint of a frown on his face. Not a full frown, of course, because she seemed to be the only one who had ever been able to emit a deep frown in Heaven, she was the only one who hadn't quite fit, but he was still sad.

"Do you want to come with me?" She asked, already knowing the answer, because it was so clear that he did. Not in the same way, of course, yet another thing she knew. Because she could feel it now, that pull. She wanted to go through this door, and he did as well, but for him, the pull wasn't as strong. For him, this place, Heaven, it was stronger. But Carter still wanted to join her, and it was the same tone she had heard in Alex's voice, whenever Alex also would pause to consider the crest. It was the same, her family, her people, all of them wanted to see what was beyond this place, even if they didn't realize it, but for her, for Cat, this call was more.

Why?

Because for as long as she had been afraid, now she was not. Because the idea of Hell, of understanding, it was something that had been terrifying to her before, but now? Now that she could actually see this gate, she realized that it was not something that she could be afraid of, ever. She couldn't because it was so beautiful, so perfect, and it called out to her in a way that made her soul race with anticipation.

"I can't," and there was that sadness again, "right now you need to go alone, and once you're gone no one will be able to find this door, again. Not unless the illusion is lifted, not unless…"

And there, what was she hearing? What was it?

Hope. There was hope in his voice, hope that this didn't have to be the end. And did _that_ matter?

Yes. All of this mattered.

It mattered, it did, it mattered so very much, and so, moving forward that last, small step, Cat pushed against the door and left Heaven behind, no longer able to wait even one moment more.

She felt the change instantly, and at first, as the doors closed behind her, she almost turned and raced back the way she had come. She almost did, because this place, it was…

Because this place was not Heaven, and even if she hadn't been happy there, it was still Heaven, and once again Cat had to wonder if whatever it was she was searching for, even if it did matter, she had to wonder if it mattered enough. She had to wonder if it was worth leaving Heaven behind.

Because she was an Angel, and didn't she belong in Heaven?

No.

On some level she did belong in Heaven, but only because she was physically an Angel. She only belonged there because of what she was, not who she was. Because who she was? Who she was, was not someone who belonged in that place, she couldn't, because even as strange as this place felt, it also felt like home, it also felt… it felt like what she had been missing, all of this time.

And so, steeling herself, Cat stepped further into Hell, and the more she advanced, the more her surroundings began to take shape, the easier it became to push forward, her feet moving instinctually. She moved through a vast palace, already knowing her way, somehow guessing what was beyond certain doors, even as she didn't bother to stop and check to see if she had been right.

She didn't stop to check because the constant flow of time, time that didn't exist, and yet that she had always been able to feel, it was getting stronger, and now she knew what it was. Time wasn't real here, of course not, but for her, time had existed. Time had existed because she had been counting the moments, was still counting the moments, and she would continue to do so until she found whatever it was that was in this place, until she found that word.

Which was why she could not stop. And now she was moving through rooms that seemed familiar, rooms that tugged at her mind, but that she couldn't place. There were pictures on the walls, and she tried to study them as she passed, but they were blurry and out of focus. She had a feeling that if she stopped and concentrated she would be able to make something out, that if she stared hard enough, the images would begin to take shape, they would, because she had almost enough information to put them together, and here, the further away she got from Heaven, the weaker that power became, the one that defined her Angelic nature, that made her forget the life she had led on Earth.

And so if she stopped, if she looked, she knew the pictures would become clear, but once again she didn't stop. She didn't, because she was so close, and she needed to know. And then she was pushing open one last door, one final shove, and finally she did stop, did halt because… because…

"Kiera," that was the word, the name. Kiera was the name that had been on her lips, in her mind, when she had first woken up. Kiera was the name that she had been searching for, all this time. Kiera was what Cat had lost. Kiera, standing there, motionless, her wings falling gracefully down her back, naked except for the collar around her throat, Cat's mark still so very clear. Kiera was here, and now Cat knew why she didn't belong in Heaven, because how could she ever belong anywhere that kept her away from this girl?

Because Kiera was here, and Cat already knew what she would do, how she would change this place, how she would remake her Kiera. She knew, because she finally understood why it all mattered, and why it was all so very, very worth it.

/

She heard the name first, the sound seeping into her, holding her, claiming her.

"Kiera," that word, just one word, and yet it held so much power. It had the power to remake her, when it was spoken here by this woman. It had that power because hope was something, hope had let her build this place, hope had let her survive, exist, but it hadn't been enough. It hadn't been enough to stop her from being Lucifer, from being the Devil, from being Kara, even. Hope hadn't been enough to stop her from being a creature who was defined by her fall, defined by suffering. Hope hadn't been enough, would never have been enough. But this…

Cat was calling her name and she felt her nature shift, alter, to accommodate this woman, twisting as the other names, everything she had been called before, every meaning she had had, drifted away. Replaced only by this, by Cat and Kiera.

Kiera didn't know how it had happened, she had been with her father, and he had…

And then she was waking up to Cat calling her name. Cat was saying that name as her hands reached for Kiera, possessing her and protecting her, as hands held on to her, as lips found her own, as Kiera felt herself give in to the embrace of her Angel.

Kiera woke up to find Cat in Hell, and she should have been sad, should have cried out because Cat was here. She should have apologized, fought against it, told Cat to go away. Maybe she should even have picked Cat up, dragged her to that door, and thrown her out. She should have, but she didn't. Because Cat was here, and Cat was smiling at her, Cat was holding her, and Kiera couldn't do anything but smile back. Kara could have, Kara or Lucifer. They could have fought against this and sent Cat away. But not Kiera, never Kiera.

"Kiera," she closed her eyes as the name washed over her again, falling to her knees and closing her arms around the other woman, encircling her, even as Cat, still smiling, ran her hands through Kiera's hair, holding tight, "I found you, my Kiera, I'm here."

"Cat," she looked up at the woman with such wonder, because Cat was an Angel in Hell, Cat was here, Cat had found her, and more than that, Cat had renamed her. Not even she, the first born Angel, had had that power. Sure, she had given herself new names, called herself Kara, but that name, it hadn't been so… so…

So complete.

She had never been whole before, not even during her time on Earth, but now… her name was Kiera now, now and for the rest of eternity. It was Kiera, because Cat had had that power, the power to redefine her, to give her new purpose. She was no longer the Angel that had fallen, no longer the demon trapped in Hell, no, now, now she was Kiera. Now she was happy because she was where she belonged, in Cat's arms, and everything would be all right.

And then a hand, one of Cat's, was slipping from her hair, moving down to grace the collar, tightening, "I'm calling in my favor, Kiera," and at those words Kiera felt her own hand shoot up to the collar, her eyes widening slightly in fear.

Had she been wrong? Was Cat going to leave her? Was Cat just here to take her collar, and settle their score, so she could return to Heaven and forget? Was Cat…

But no, she could see in on Cat's face, feel in in the reassuring way Cat was stroking her, holding her possessively. She couldn't think that of Cat now, couldn't doubt this woman, she couldn't because Cat had entered Hell to find her, Cat had left Heaven already, and she knew that Cat was never going to let her go.

But Cat still wanted to call in her favor? But she had promised… she had…

"I promised I would never call in my favor while we were on Earth, but we're not there anymore, Kiera. I'm going to call in my deal now because it's time to set you free of your past. Because this collar, it was a promise between a human and the Devil, and we are both so much more than that now, you know we are. This was a promise of another life, but I've found you now, Kiera, and you're still mine, you are going to be mine, for all the future in eternity."

And it was true, Kiera knew. It was true because she could feel it, feel the way she was different now, the way they were both different. She could feel that they did have a future together, a real one, not just one born from hope or memory.

"Anything, Cat," and she meant it. Whatever she could do for this woman, she would, but she would miss it, miss the collar.

Cat saw it, of course she did, and a smirk rose to her face. Leaning closer, the woman tightened her grip in Kiera's hair. "Don't think that this means I'm not going to make you a new one, Kiera. You can't honestly believe that I would let you get away with it, get away with leaving me for so long, with not telling me that I would forget. You can't honestly think that I'm not going to bind you to me again, not going to make you a new collar, not going to make sure you can never leave me behind, ever again."

There would be nowhere to go, they both knew that, but even so…

"Yes, Cat, please," she looked up at the woman, at Cat, and she understood what Cat was really saying. She was saying that she was going to give Kiera a new mark, not one connected to any deal, not one that could be taken away again, not one that meant anything other than the very simple truth that Kiera was Cat's, and that that fact would never change.

It wouldn't change because it would be a symbol of who they both were now, and because she, the person she had been before Cat had woken her up, that Kara had needed the collar, needed the lifeline to tie her to Cat when she didn't really believe that the woman would ever come for her. But she was Kiera now, completely and irreversibly, and she didn't need that promise, she just needed Cat.

And so whatever Cat wanted, whatever…

"Take down the illusion, Kiera," and suddenly her certainty wavered again, because how could that be what Cat wanted? How could Cat ask for that? Because the illusion? She knew what Cat meant, the illusion covering the door to Hell. "There are other people who will want to come. Carter, for one. He's probably still out there, still staring at the place where I vanished. He's been searching for you as well, you know. And it's not just him, the rest of your family, they're all here as well. They didn't feel this, the need for you, not as strongly as I did, but they still felt something. There's a sadness, Kiera, even in Heaven. And so you are going to take down the illusion, and let your family find you."

"Cat…"

"No, you won't be able to get me to change my mind, or convince me to ask for something else. You worry that others will fall? They won't. It's hard enough to even approach the gate for anyone without your crest. There's so much light surrounding it, Kiera, and even once they do find it, they won't be able to stay long, they'll feel the pull to go back, but they'll still come. They love you, we all do, so let them come, Kiera. Trust me."

Trust? Yes, she did trust Cat, she trusted that this would be all right, she trusted in her Angel, because staring into Cat's eyes, she couldn't not trust this woman, couldn't help but believe that maybe Hell didn't need to be closed off, after all. That maybe, maybe she had earned this, deserved it, even. That maybe she didn't have to be afraid.

"The illusion, Kiera. Now."

And at that command she gave in, removing the illusion with a simple thought, exposing herself and her realm. For so long she had believed that it was better that way, better to protect people, better not to even give them the opportunity, the chance, to be corrupted. But she gave in now because Cat had asked, because this person, this person who had once been human was strong enough, powerful enough, to remake her, and now Kiera could see that maybe she had been wrong. That maybe there were other people who could be just as strong, who didn't want, or need her protection. That maybe it was time to have faith in the people she had always tried to protect. Have faith that the light she had given them, that it was enough to let them make their own decisions, faith that maybe Hell didn't have to be so lost.

She didn't have to say anything when the illusion fell, Cat could feel it, Cat could feel her power now in a way she had never been able to before, and in response, Cat's hand tightened around the pendant, and with a small tug the lock broke. It broke and as Cat pulled it away the material dissolved into dust, and the last remnant of a past where Kiera hadn't though there would be a future, faded away.

And Kiera could only smile, only feel joy, only believe that this had been the right thing to do. She could only be happy as Cat closed her hands around Kiera's now bare neck, tracing the skin and making Kiera shiver.

"I hate the windows, by the way," Cat arched an eyebrow at her as she spoke, her face still smiling through the comment.

"I know," and Kiera was so happy because she had known that Cat would say that, and this, right now, this was her new future, a future with this woman who she knew so well.

"Before people come, you're going to have to put clothes on, again," and now Kiera blushed, reminded of their first night together, where Cat had also pointed out her lack of clothes, reminded of that other time that Cat had remade her, that Cat had given her new meaning.

"I know," although with the way Cat was looking at her now, Kiera through that maybe the clothes could wait, at least for a little bit.

"I'm going to fall now," and while once that statement would have hurt Kiera, would have caused her to push back, now it brought only love because Cat had chosen her. Cat had chosen her and finally, finally Kiera believed that maybe she was worth it.

"I know, Cat, I know," because how could she not know, how could she feel anything else? She couldn't. Not when Cat was looking at her like this, not when Cat was touching her like this. And how could Kiera have any last doubts because with everything that Cat must have experienced in Heaven, Cat had still chosen her, and Cat looked so very happy.

Cat looked happy, and she also looked beautiful as she reached for the power that was around her, as Cat reached for the shadows that were present in this place, that were mixed in with the light. She looked stunning as she called those shadows to her, as Cat seeped herself in the power of Hell, as Cat used them to form a new collar around Kiera's neck. Cat looked magnificent as her wings turned to black, as she stood over the girl and remade herself as easily as she had remade Kiera.

Cat looked like everything because this was where she belonged, where they both belonged. Not in a Hell of isolation and loss, but a home, an eternity, the place where light and hope and love had all been born.

When they had first met Cat had told the Devil that she wasn't going to sell her her soul, but now, now Cat gave it willingly, gave it freely and joyfully to the creature that had once been Lucifer, but who was now just her Kiera.

Now Cat gave Kiera her soul because some people, some people were worth falling for.

 **The End**


End file.
